(THUNDER CRASHES)
(spooky digital echo)
What up, weaklings! Welcome back to another obligatory spooky review-ky
where I've long since come to terms with the fact that I just cannot do scary.
Oh no, there's a scary man in the doorway!
It's me. It's just me in a hoodie.
Look out! He's surprisingly heavyset!
So we're just gonna break out the black repaints, yeah? Yeah.
Now, obviously I love the 1986 Transformers movie, because it's mandatory,
but I can't say I've ever been a major fan of plucky protag Hot Rod or his personified character arc, Rodimus Prime,
but neither am I one of these people who HATES Hot Rod 'cause ooh, it's his fault Optimus died! He killed my hero!
I lack the emotional intelligence to understand that Optimus Prime's death was a marketing decision.
And it's Hot Rod's fault!
I'm neither of those. I'm neutral on Hot Rod.
I'm always modestly happy when he shows up, but it's never a surprise!
He's been a Targetmaster, a Headmaster, a Micromaster, a Titanmaster,
a Piecemaster - I mean a Masterpiece -
and he's even set to spearhead the G1 annexing of the Studio Series. Where does it end for this guy!?
But all I've ever wanted out of Hot Rod is to get me a man that can do both Regular Rod and Power-up Prime.
Like, a standard Hot Rod toy that you could upgrade à la Ultra Magnus into a big-ass Rodimus Prime
'cos that should be doable, right?
I didn't even need it to be brilliant! I just thought it'd be cool if there was a toy that could do that.
But for ages there just wasn't one, so basically every Rodimus figure left me slightly cold for decades and decades
until at long last, something kinda matching that description finally surfaced in 2018's Power of the Primes!
Yes indeed, even with all its shortcomings and flop-ass gimmickry
P of the P's did at least deliver the Deluxe/Leader class big-small both boy that I'd always wanted.
But in the interests of eeeevil, our subject today is the scary black Decepticon recolour
'cos the thing about Rodimus is, not a lot of repaint potential.
'Cos there's always gonna be a Soundwave for every Blaster, a Nemesis for every Optimus,
a Barricade for every Smokescreen, apparently,
but the Rodimus look is so specific and so well-known that it pretty much precludes any repurposing!
They always end up looking like goth versions of Hot Rod's fabulous flame-grilled ass.
So for Power of the Primes they just lent into it and invented an in-universe evil version of Rodimus
'cos why not, right? Why would you put your entire ass into a black repaint?
It's not like it's a new thing, or even a particularly clever or interesting thing, but it is always a fun thing!
Regardless of whether you approach it from a serious dark evil angle
with the black magic and the vengeful curses and the standing ominously in a trenchcoat in a cemetery
or from a kickass party mosher angle, with the jaegerbombs and the tattoos
and the standing ominously in a trenchcoat in Tesco's.
And this one definitely lends itself to the latter category!
Yes indeed, open up the pit for Power of the Primes Evolution Rodimus Unicronus,
so named for his brief spell under the control of Unicron in some forgotten YouTube clip
and for the play feature that lets him evolve into his bigger and badder bod from a smaller starter Pokémon self.
So I reckon we'll kick off at a reasonable speed with the Deluxe class core robot:
the tediously named Nemesis Hot Rod.
So much potential for a fun name and THAT's what they went with? Come on...
I guess at the very least they didn't go with "Autobot Rodimus Black Version".
Anyway, here we go with Power of the Primes Hot Rod: It's Not A Phase Mom edition
looking superbly sinister in a svelte Skywarpy ensemble of black and grey with purpley highlights and mirror-shine reflecto-stickers!
Gotta say, this is really vibin' with my inner greb! And my outer greb - I'm like 90% greb -
with the chestplate tradin' out the traditional Guy Fieri flames for this pseudo-tribal WWE jobber tank top
and I love his enjoyably try-hard my-first-band-photo super stern face!
We've all been there.
It's just a cohesively crusty fashion statement that says, "What if Hot Rod owned a tarantula?"
But behind the façade, old Hot Topic Rod here's about as basic as it gets!
Like, the breastplate looks sharp and shiny but it's a blatant fakeout
'cos the actual transformy hood's stashed on his back and barely obscured by this massive spoiler flap.
Limbs are all very odd! Like, these shoulders are weirdly restrictive,
but they've got these strange secondary under-wheel pivots, which, I see what they were going for, but it feels wrong.
Legs are equally awkward with like, strangely selective hips, woefully wanting one-way ankles,
but like, the knees are great! It's just whiplash city, Daniel.
Weapons are a wackshow, an' all!
Like, he's got these in-built triple-zappers which rudely protrude way past his fists,
and then he's got this cheeky mega-rifle on the go which is very visibly made up of two half-guns
which in turn, REALLY look like two halves of a gun,
so it's either one big gun that looks like two guns or two little guns that look like half of something.
And honestly that's very much the vibe here. Little Nemrod's barely getting away with it!
Like, look at this! You can kinda crumple the remainder of the large lad into this weak-ass weapons platform -
- I'm good -
- and just like, as a figure in general, it does hold its own as a kind of okay Deluxe,
but there's just enough cut corners to let you know that this is definitely part of something.
Y'know, like with a Combiner limb, when you can just tell this isn't the only thing that it does?
There's no way THIS is the whole show! And it isn't. So I'm kind of okay with it.
Anyway, what do you say we ride in style?
What's the baddie version of that, I wonder?
KILL! KILL! STAB! TWIST! KILL!
Transformation's weirdly paradoxically good?
Like, it does a WHOLE lot of cheating. The entire guy's basically still there!
And I do NOT like how that back panel feels, flexin' into place and snappin' uncomfortably down all malleable,
but there's still enough going on that you feel like you did something.
And this is a pretty bangin' baddie sports car mode!
Like, it's clearly not trying to be a prestige adult automobile replica -
I never feel like Hot Rod's silly retro-future space whip really gels with that genre of merch?
It just seems so much better suited to a certain stripped-back fun-first daft chunky plastic feel! It's a toy and it knows it.
But it is a brilliant fantasy car! It's pure speed and style and it makes me smile.
And check it out! This murderous blood-red canopy and graveyard shift spray job definitely lend it
a very potent highway pursuit heel car vibe!
Like, doesn't this shape suddenly seem mighty threatening when it's not just chillin' by the pond or dashin' up Lookout Mountain?
If THIS is the pursuer, you're gonna have a problem.
Imagine catching that to a kneecap at speed!
Snap you like celery.
So if you care to crease down the old battle platform -
you can clasp it on top to create this bad bastard version of the famed Rodimus Space Winnebago!
Man, doesn't the Rodimus wagon seem like such a demotion?
Like, Hot Rod's this fun-lovin' cool kid who's all about speed and fluidity
but by the end of the movie he's suddenly got all this deadweight burden on his back?
It doesn't seem like an upgrade to me. It's just like, "ugh, life, right?"
Oh boy. A toy of responsibility!
But I guess in hand, it is pretty impressive! It's long and mean and smooth and sharp,
with a nice bit of visual cohesion going on, with the matching back wheels and the close-enough continu-pipes
and I do appreciate the stickers back here that spurn the famous feisty flames for a purple poison-type pollution plume!
And God - as a vehicle, the whole darkwave gravity-magic getup really does throw off his entire identity.
Like, what is the function of this?
I can't even see this as that cosy fantasy astro-motorhome anymore -
it's more like an upmarket garbage truck, or like, some kind of turbo hearse?
But if we're being real, it mostly comes off as a kibble delivery system 'cos the look here is so rampantly ramshackle!
With the wildly obvious slopey shoes, the hands are just right there -
it just looks inside out, with all hinges and internal panels uncomfortably exposed.
I feel like I shouldn't be seeing this. Like I'm intruding on something private.
But I mean it does the job, right? That's where I'm at with this toy!
It's not even new. We know what it is. I know how I feel about it!
It's dumb, and it's scrappy, and it sucks,
and it's brilliant.
So transforming him to the big bloke - or I guess evolving him up? -
- is such a blast!
Like, it's characteristically rickety and reeks of "uhh, that'll do",
but it's got that supremely satisfying rough 'n' tumble clickety-clack that keeps bitches comin' back!
It's me. I'm bitches.
And here we are, at the end of all things, with Rodimus Unicronus himself!
And I'm so happy they didn't just call him "Nemesis Rodimus" although you can guarantee that's what he calls his motorcycle.
Now, this Leader-class lunk is the very definition of "endearingly imperfect"!
Like, so far in this review, I think we've established that, but the Roddy mode really cranks it up to eleven!
'Cos first of all, it is kind of a cool-lookin' thing! It's big and imposing and all right at posing,
detail's maybe a bit baby-level but he rocks the shit outta that rifle!
Overall, he looks a bit of a badass biker bar bouncer!
But it feels weird. It moves weird. The way it's formed is weird!
This is a sublimely strange creature, but who am I kidding? That's my type!
All right, come on, we gotta do the head. Is that, or is that not, the most absolutely 100% perfect vainglorious villain face!?
With the pointy red Gurren Lagann-lookin' visor shades, like proper hater blockers,
and the friggin' handlebar moustache lookin' like Macho Man Roddy Savage!
Do you think he has to shave? Can robots grow hair?
Let's not have that discussion now...
But, for real, this brutal bear bonce is so stupid awesome it honestly takes the edge off how ropey the rest of it is!
I mean the body looks pretty gnarly from the front, like BLAOW! Just a pure cliff face of Rodimus beef
with that thorny, symmetrical design that's one skull away from being a mid-2000s album cover.
But then you've got his puny other-mode arms cowerin' up the back like "ooh, I hope he doesn't see me!"
the back's just this huge empty box frame, the legs are ...legs, and the arms are straight up bizarre!
Like, the hands and elbows are fine. They've got pipes on 'em, whatever.
But like, look at this - these cheeky shoulder topper towers here are actually the shins from the little guy mode
so like, the shoulders proper are made out of his thighs.
I don't know why that bothers me, but it really does!
I think it's 'cause it's a body part made out of a different naked body part?
Like, just the knowledge that that's what that is - this weirdly fleshy trapezius ridge back there -
that's made out of his inner self pulling the most epic taint-destroying perma-split of all time!
It just doesn't sit right! THAT does not sit right.
And that's why he's my favourite.
Anyway, as part of the whole Primes and the Power thereof initiative,
Rowdy Roddy Prime here comes with an eeeevil version of the Matrix
which I'm presuming is called the "Nemesis Matrix", or the "Xirtam fo Pihsredael", or some stupid thing.
Oh, "Matrix of Chaos", is it? All right, Doctor Robotnik.
And wouldn't you know it, he can't even hold the bloody thing!
Imagine giving a Rodimus toy a Matrix and he can't even do the "darkest hour" thing.
But at least you can slide it out of there and turn somebody's entire head into a massive scab of light piping.
But sadly, aside from the wacky lovable badness, there's also some actual Serious Face Badness that I can't really wave off.
I'm sure you've already clocked the massive war wound in his chest. That was already there! That wasn't me!
That was out-of-the-box injury!
And he just will not stand up thanks to these uselessly weak ankles!
I'm not saying that.
But there's no way that's enough to turn me off! I just enjoy him too much!
If I gotta stand him a bit weird on the shelf to keep him on his feet, then even better.
You are just too entertaining to hate!
So where are we at? Does an evil version of Rodimus Prime really work?
I mean, kinda! It definitely looks big and dangerous
but I feel like it's trying a bit too hard to exude that Shattered Glass fearful malevolence
and I dunno if it's landing the way they intended it to!
'Cos when you take that flavour of dark energy and filter it through Rodimus's ineffable natural charisma,
I just can't see it as a legit evil doppelganger!
It looks to me like Rodimus himself after listening to Motorhead once.
Who knows? Maybe that was the point! They did give it a moustache.
But is it good? I'm not gonna sit here and pretend they've achieved perfection
and I'm sure there's a lot of ride-or-die Roddy stans out there for whom this figure will have really missed the mark,
but for me? It's close enough, innit!
It's an alright Rodimus toy that does the thing I wanted and it achieves it by being a total freak.
The best possible outcome!
So great job, 2018 Hasbro team, you did it! You finished the whole thing! You made it really happen,
and as I specified, it wasn't even brilliant! That WAS on the brief. Gold star! Ten out of
six out of ten.
Dominus!
OoOoOohhh! Happy review-ween, everybody! That doesn't work, does it?
Hope you enjoyed that one! I actually meant to that one finished for Halloween last year, so uh, feels good to finish it.
Was it worth the wait? (dismissive bleat)
Anyway, much spooky gratitude to ash32121.
Thank you Ash, I barely deserve you!
Byeeee!
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Limited appeal, keeping it real.