Batman was great.
Batman Returns was Michelle Pfeiffer in a latex suit.
Batman Forever, on the other hand, was none of these things.
It was this complete mess of a movie that ultimately served as the tipping point from
which Batman films became virtually unwatchable.
In fact, to quote the great Joel Hodgson, it got to the point where they were just making
that stuff up.
And although a lot of things have changed since 1995, one thing that hasn’t is the
unfortunate tradition of releasing of bad video games to promote bad movies.
In this case, the film was the aforementioned catastrophe Batman Forever.
And the game, somehow, was even worse.
Batman Forever was developed by Probe Entertainment.
Now, this was a British developer that was eventually acquired by Acclaim and became
best known for the Mega Drive version of Mortal Kombat...which makes a lot of sense when you
see Batman Forever in action.
Evidently, the bat was trained by the scorpion.
Basically, that is to say Probe recycled their old Mortal Kombat fighting engine for Batman
Forever.
You might think, “Well, that’s okay.
I loved Mortal Kombat.”
But the problem is what works in a fighter doesn’t necessarily work in a beat ‘em
up.
Bruce Wayne moves about as nimbly as Bruce Springsteen, and when you apply these fighting
mechanics to this kind of game, they are unbearably repetitive.
Of course, even if you set aside the fact that it’s broken under the hood, Batman
Forever still finds ways to shock you with its almost offensive degree of ineptitude.
Frankly, I’m not sure I’ve ever played a game more bewildering than this.
Within a matter of seconds—like, literally in the first part of the first level—I was
stuck.
So it’s not just that what you’re doing is clunky.
Simply deciphering what it is the game wants you to do is a problem, let alone figuring
out where to go and how to get there.
It’s almost as if this game was made to be deliberately awful.
Like, there’s no other explanation for why your grappling hook shoots at an angle, when
what you need to most of the time...is grapple directly above you.
And the worst part is that aiming up requires you to press select and up with timing so
unbelievable picky, you end up jumping around like a moron before finally realizing...
“Wait, Catwoman isn’t even in this.
F*ck this game.”
I’ve heard a lot of people refer to this as one of the absolute worst Super Nintendo
games of all-time, and so we have to thank our pal Chip from Anniston, Alabama, for sending
us this piece of video game history.
I wouldn’t have believed it unless I saw it for myself.
And now that I have, I can say Batman Forever will forever suck.