Hey guys, it's me
F*ckin' Doug The Cartoon with a wig on
Just gonna teach you how to go from looking like
Marlon Wayans in White Chicks
To looking like a purebred Afghan hound
[Another voice]: Wait there's no sound at all?
[First voice]: No, there's no sound at all
Then it's not your color money first. We're gonna start by putting this foundation on our face
That's crazy fucking three shades not our color
She's jaundiced cause I fucking jaundice woody from toy story
This is refresh the showroom is quite a first one for life. No, it hasn't does the first video
She's done without a twenty fucking man long intro by got uber code
What ok, so now she do that?
Which I didn't wipe that off. What is still on our list honey. That's still on your lip. No, you just ate it
Like your offer lip the foundation was on her way is it animal?
I don't think so
I wonder how much office cause like all the dude up the comet should go sit on makeup like like always
Always that hope that I feel like that's a default contouring okay where they draw the line yeah
And then that's a beauty blender. I can't see it because she has a fucking white balance up so much
cheaper to 20
Got a bear ding ding ding ding ding
Ding ding ding. Oh, cheryl full house shirt looks funny. You were so saving mean oh
Ok stupid bitch. I
Forgot this [is] a roasted video. I was this comedy. Just one giant I also forgot we were recording
I think like ready to have a good conversation. Oh my fucking God, honey brought different brushes. What's the difference all right?
I feel like that feels good. I want [to] brush on my face. Yes. Did you make up them?
No, you can just get a personal website
How long is this fucking video?
Oh my was that your fucking hair with that your hair bitch was that your fucking extensions
What are you fucking doing as you know took the fourth brush that she's used yeah check yet
We're gonna do the driver John your address. I was gonna be mean, but yes your eyebrows. This is it art
This is less an old fucking roast video more of us
Just being nice, so I
Just isn't supposed to be like a fucking tutorial or we just like watching an 80 Ml and vidhi were putting our makeup on
The second one this actually I feel like it should be a tutorial, but I haven't learned anything
But then also if I wanted to learn things about just because no joke
I'm a Youtuber. Oh, what is that that we love ok so that's shit for fucking
Eyeballs shit what we gonna come over here? No here? I'm over here
I don't know what to make fun of other than the fact that she wants us to watch a 6 mil on video for putting
Her fucking make a buck
How long do your nails does it hurt? How do you perform daily functions with those nails is she really use it like
18,000 different products to get that slight tint of a collar on her fucking face. Yeah, I know I
Did she do this every fucking day like yeah? Is this like a goin out look out?
Look is this just like a normal I don't you know first honored
I don't know the difference and honest and makeup and how does it work can I tell me?
Videos making me uncomfortable and not just because she's so close to her fucking high right now
But because she hasn't said a fucking word I also put I want to put contacts in my face every fucking day when we touch
My eyeball every day, and that's making me uncomfortable. Is that glue your sort of glue the lash oh, oh, we're in it. Oh
And you sticking out of a stick what am I sensing making fun of Kanna you can eat here Eugene?
Snoring in a fucking background that is how boring this video is you have put my fucking dog to sleep Santa
I'm weak. I what I
Want to know what possesses?
You to think that any fucking person on this planet wants to watch a six-minute long video of you putting Mascara on your fake-ass
Eyelashes right now. Yeah fucking bitch I
Just fucking look at the time stamping. We love more than I'm gonna wish it. Well. Oh my God never
Ever to be alive, we don't even put through much effort into our own fucking videos and we're here trying to watch you
Do you fucking makeup for fun?
Oh my God cold you're fucking cool. Let's brush our hair now. I'm what what?
Are we done with the makeup part now?
I mean she looks pretty, but yeah
You look pretty but like I don't want to watch you get pretty that's that's very accurate yes
Show me the fucking end result all right now. We moved on to lipstick
I call this shade well the bouncer outside the club in the alley way to get in the club even though. I'm only 17 pink
Like Elijah, Elijah you tell her tell her video. She looks like a member of Hanson
Does she well no, but it'd be funny all right? [uh] [I] think we're gonna be okay
I think we are on to our last step now where we just put this fucking powder all over our nose
There's no, I don't see any difference
Yeah, that is that is the exact same colors everything else you put on your face that powder is doing nothing
But wasting my fucking time
Anyway, if you follow this tutorial you two are now ready to make a 14 minute long exaggerated video about a mildly inconvenient override
by
Hi, guys if dumb, bitch jump-cut, mojo, and today's video is going to be a quick get ready with me
So we're going to hop right in by covering up our pores with benefit [professional]
Similarly to how we cover up our live with more lies keep blending just keep blending just keep lying
Just keep then we're going to take our Marc Jacobs remarkable foundation, and it's pretty much the only thing remarkable about this video
It's definitely not going to be the views
One thing that's really amazing about this foundation is it is full coverage
It's almost full coverage enough to cover up all of my scandals. Which is like crazy
it's really rare that you find a foundation that covers up your nasty fucking skin and
How much of a shitty person you are like holy shit?
No wonder. They can't keep these things on the show, and then while blending my makeup
I just make sure [to] be really really careful because I don't want to move around any of the filler I get injected into my
Face [and] then lie to you guys about and now I'm just going to wipe off my lips really quickly because after sucking Shane Dawson's
Dicks reviews so many times they tend to get a little bit crusty and now I'm just going to take this flat top Kabuki
Brush and blend in any mistakes. I've made you know lying on you now
I'm being born and now I'm just going to take some Maybelline age rewind concealer because
Losing all of these subscribers is really starting to stress me out and like you know age my skin
I mean like how am I cafe my right?
And now we're just going to use our beauty blender to tap tap tap the tears, okay?
Okay, [tana] if you're gonna pretend like you don't have extensions all the time
Maybe your traction fucking be showing and now I'm just going to set all of my makeup and unfortunately
This is the only set I'm going to be on because no fucking companies are going to hire me for anything
After this is all right and [now] I'm just going to start contouring my face because I really want the high parts of my cheekbones
To be as high as the dislikes on this video and the low parts to be as low as the likes and now it's really
crucial during this step that you suck in your cheekbones as hard as you soft rice comes as
46 a month so that you could be relevant now you're going to go ahead and use bronzer just two bronze and cover up your
Quote sep do blasting uncle
Now we're going to use a beat-up
Eyeshadow because we're too portable for dipbrow because we spent all our money on a botched nose job
I like to make the arches on my eyebrows match the charts of me losing subscribers on my social blade down
Down down. I always like to make my eyebrows look more like sisters not twins
Twins don't really like me now. We're going to prime our eyes. I remember when I was in my prime
It's really going to suck to work for minimum wage again now
I'm going to use my Kylie cosmetics eyeshadow, Palette which I pretended like her Pr sent me
But I actually waited up for hours to Buy
Just keep blending just keep blending just keep getting plastic surgery to look like Kylie Jenner
and just keep getting plastic surgery to look like Kylie Jenner to be honest this isn't really a step that you'll have to do but
I haven't moved to a bigger blending brush because even that brush couldn't cover the bags under my eyes
From staying up late night after night watching my subscriber count drop all [right] guys this I shadow look is finished
It's kind of like an orgy red
Look, I was really inspired by all the red arrows on my social blade all right guys now
We're just going to do a little bit of black liquid eyeliner to prep our eyes for the eyelashes up
It's actually going pretty good. Oh fuck it up. Just like my Youtube channel, holy shit. All right guys now
We're going to glue some eyelashes on because I mean you can't blue morals
intelligence and dignity to your face
These lasses are actually a really similar motto to my life though like the eyeliner how it was fucked up
basically whenever you do something fucked up if you just glue a
distraction on top of it the whole World Forgets
how shitty you are now you're just going to blow on the
Eyelashes like all of the YouTubers you're about to have to blow so that you can get
Collapsed so that you don't have to go back to working minimum wage. Oh no. Did you get eyelash glue in your eyes?
it's not like you've ever on any substances in your eye before you cum guzzling whore say
Mascara
[ok] fuck
I'm going to help
and now I'm just going to go ahead and cover up the band of my lashes like I'm covering up all of the pain and
suffering
[I'm] going through
I mean is it even at an emotional video if you don't pull the victim card at least once guys and now I'm going to
Take my hair out of a ponytail so that all my track don't show any more pretend like I
We grew this out of my head
Now just really quickly take that hair off the chapstick like all of the shows I was taken off [of] this month
on a serious note
So make sure to moisturize and apply lipstick because all of these lip injections will make your lips
Drier than your content now. We're going to highlight our cheekbones. Just like we highlight only the good things
We do like donating to charity not our past
We only highlight that when people call us out all right beauties
enjoy these last 30 seconds of me posing to cover up my
Insecurities and remember being an overdramatic petty bitch will get you anywhere stay gorgeous
xoxo cunt