Sheldon, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the surgery,
but you were worried about nothing.
Oh, you're hardly out of the woods.
You still run the risk of infection,
a blood clot, your possibility that an
inattentive surgeon let a barn spider lay
eggs in your nose.
The minute you sneeze web
I'm moving out.
I never thought I'd say these words, but
come on nose spider!
Oh, who are you kidding?
You were so panicked Leonard was gonna die
you'll never leave him.
Sheldon will move out eventually.
Yeah, once he figures out how to work a door.
I was not panicked.
I'm not overly attached to Leonard.
You were so worried that you
smashed your face trying to check on me.
You love me.
You tell me those aren't the words of a man
with a spider eating its way through his brain.
Amy, you're a neuroscientist.
Crack his skull open and spray some Raid in there.
Are you having an allergic reaction to my boutonniere?
No. I'm just so happy for you.
And for me, after today, you are officially
and more important, legally
Amy's problem.
Don't be silly, Leonard.
I will always be your problem.
Pick a catastrophe, any catastrophe.
Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California.
Yeah, really? You think those hippies in
Washington and Oregon can stop them?
Fine.
All righty.
An 8.2 magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena,
reducing mighty edifices to dust,
engulfing the city in flames.
The streets flow with blood
and echo with the cries of the wounded.
Oh, excellent choice.
Now, put on your hard hat and safety vest.
Oh, fun.
I get to spend another night
in front of our apartment dressed like
one of the Village People.
You make that joke every three months.
I still don't get it.
Leonard, wait.
What are you doing?
I don't know, what am I doing?
Look around you.
There's hypothetical broken glass everywhere.
Really?
You're going to face Armageddon without your orthotics?
All right. Your choice.
Uh oh! Hypothetical aftershock!
No!
Oh!
And that's why we wear hard hats.
Are you still mad at me?
Yes. You missed our lecture,
we were almost arrested,
and you got me locked in a room
with a man who forced his tongue down
the throat of a stuffed Wookiee.
Boy, some people are just glass half empty.
The glass is empty, Sheldon.
It's completely empty.
If you gave that glass to a man
who was dying of thirst, he would be dead.
You know why?
Before I answer, was he a smoker?
[door opens]
[keys jiggle]
Yeah, I think you're looking at this all wrong.
Fine. Then tell me how I should be looking at it.
Well, not only did we go to Skywalker Ranch,
we got in,
and no one we know can say that.
And for all the times you find me irritating
today, you got to watch someone shoot me with a taser.
That part was pretty good.
See?
You did flop around a lot.
I'll take your word for it.
I was too busy trying not to defecate.
Is it my turn to talk about the compromises I make?
I wasn't done, but go ahead.
He said compromising.
Because of you, I'm not allowed to
adjust the temperature in my own home.
I'm not allowed to whistle.
I don't wear shoes that might squeak.
Well, you're a physicist, not a circus clown.
Do you realize I don't live with the woman
I love because of you?
No other reason. Just you.
Is that true?
Yes. It's true. The last time I brought it
up, you had an emotional breakdown
and got on a train and ran away.
Well, given my history on the subject,
it seems a little reckless to bring it up now.
You have no idea how much you inconvenience
the lives of everyone around you.
It's exhausting.
You know what?
You think you're so tolerant.
But the truth is
you're mean to me a lot.
Yeah, you think that I don't notice all
those sarcastic comments and those eye rolls, but I do.
I have excellent peripheral vision.
On a good day, I can see my ears.
Sheldon, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
I've been holding a lot of this in for a while.
Well, I'm sorry too.
And if you want to live with Penny,
then I think you should.
Do you mean that?
Yes. Yeah. Just put on your squeaky shoes
and e e e
your way out of my life.