The top five most important things
in marriage, this is part two.
My name is Paul Friedman, founder of The
Marriage Foundation
and I'm going to help you see
that there is so much more to marriage
than what you can find in little
articles
even videos like this. It's such a broad
topic that it's so important for you to
learn
as much as you can because the promises
of
marriage were discussed in part one,
and those are that
you learn to love unconditionally.
You experience unconditional love. This
is one of the promises of marriage.
The other promise which totally
has eluded most people is that you're
supposed to be
happier every single day of your lives,
happier than the day before, happier than
the week before.
You're supposed to be spectacularly
happy.
There's this myth that the happiest day
of a woman's life
is the day she gets married. Great
marketing, if you want to sell an
extravagant wedding,
why not tell this to women, why not tell
this to the men who want to please their
wives
but it's simply garbage.
Because when you say that
you're saying that from that day
everything is going to go downhill. If
that's the happiest day of your life
then it doesn't get happier.
No, it is simply not true. Marriage is an
amazing
institution, contract, a space that you
live within
just the two of you that's supposed to
get better
and better. So in the first video, I
discussed
to learn about the basics of marriage
and went
into it in some detail.
The other thing that we discussed in the
first video
was to learn about gender differences
and how it impacts the mind.
It's very important to know these things,
not kind of important and not to learn
about the differences
but to learn about your spouse,
and to learn about yourself from a
biological/psychological
point of view
so you know what to expect of them and
yourself.
Now, the next
really important thing, number three,
is kind of a rule
to live by but it's a very
important rule. And the reason it's an
important rule
is because of what I refer to
as the eclipse effect so here's what the
eclipse effect
means. If you go outside
and you know where the sun is, don't look
directly at it
but you know where it is. Put up your
hand.
With your hand, you're able to completely
block the sun. The sun is humongous.
Your hand is teeny teeny tiny
but one hand can block
the sun. The sun provides life.
It is the source of all life and yet
your hand
can eclipse it.
All of your positive
loving supportive
happiness producing behaviors
is what you want in your marriage.
It sustains your marriage. It builds on
the foundation of your marriage, the
foundation of love.
One bad behavior
eclipses all of it.
This is just sort of a rule of thumb in
life.
I remember when a space shuttle took off
very sad, there was one
O-ring that was faulty
the whole thing blew up.
You have to avoid
all your destructive actions.
Now in order to do that you need to
learn.
My thing is to say learn and apply,
learn and apply -- that's why you should
right now subscribe to this channel.
I don't come from a place of mistakes
that people make
errors, what to do about this, now that
I've blown that.
No, I come from a place of let's start
working on your
marriage. Let's make it amazing,
learn and then apply.
So in order to avoid the destructive
actions, you need to understand them.
First of all, there's three kinds of
actions
that's it, just three.
Did you know that? Think about it.
One are your thoughts and your feelings.
Those are actions. Why are they actions?
Because they
occur oftentimes without your direction
which is a problem
but that's a different topic,
but your thoughts, your feelings,
our actions and there are the
springboard
for what you voice, for what you express
verbally, that's the other kind of action.
So you have your thoughts and feelings
and I do thoughts/feelings
because it's hard to sometimes
differentiate between the two.
And then your speech
so that's number two. Number three
is what you actually do. Kick in the dog
as an action. Why on earth would you kick
the dog?
Why on earth would you criticize your
spouse?
You see everything is a degree
and you need to learn but it boils down
to two choices:
beneficial or detrimental.
The thoughts that you are
sprouting out in your mind are either
beneficial thoughts
or detrimental. You're supposed to avoid
all negative actions,
all destructive actions. I'll go a step
further because you can only have one
thought at a time.
The mind -- you can break it down into how
many thoughts you have during the day.
You have control over your mind or
you're supposed to
in the courses that we sell at The
Marriage Foundation,
the very first thing we get into is
learning how to control your mind.
It's essential that you control your
mind
because you only have one thought at a
time. Every thought
should be beneficial. This is not
something you can just do. You need to
learn how to do it but it's
important. It's critical, it's essential
to the happiness that you want from your
marriage
that you do learn
so that's it. So that's what this video
is about.
Part two is avoid all destructive
actions because
those wipe out,
they cancel out all the positive actions.
It's not a balancing
act in a marriage. It's not how things
work in life at all.
You have to avoid all destructive
actions.
So go ahead and leave a like, leave a
comment if you wish
in this video and then
go to the next video. The links are below,
love to share this information with you.
Let me know what you think of this. This
is a whole new way of approaching
marriage.
I don't work on problems, I work on the
marriage.
You need to work on your marriage and
then
all the problems go away.
They don't exist because when your
marriage is working on all eight
cylinders, it is
popping and it's delivering. It's
delivering happiness
and ever-expanding ever-increasing
love. Thank you and God bless!