-Well, after six months of quarantine,
during which I rapidly descended into isolation-induced madness,
we're back in our studio here at 30 Rock in New York City.
And, well, you guys, it's just nice to be around people again.
And, as promised, now that we're back in the studio,
I will no longer have my old friend the Sea Captain
by my side to interject with his annoying wordplay.
Although I do feel an obligation to check in on him
once in a while as he works his way
through the 1977 classic novel "The Thorn Birds."
-[ Laughs ] Oh, oh, you go, Meggie Cleary.
-Hey, relax. I don't miss him either.
The dude smelled like clams and he had like 50 jokes
with the punch line "Land, ho."
Anyway, now that we're back in the studio,
I give you my solemn oath
there will be no more talking inanimate objects
that interrupt the flow of "A Closer Look"
with their ridiculous interjections.
And speaking of ridiculous interjections...
-New York's hottest club is Segue.
-The president held another fake
press conference-slash-campaign rally at the White House
where he pretended everything's great
as the coronavirus pandemic continues to rage,
and now he's trying to pretend he's anti-war in response
to the news that he insulted veterans.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪
Now that Labor Day is behind us,
we're entering the traditional home stretch
of the presidential campaign.
And for some perspective, I think it's worth
stepping back two weeks
to the Republican National Convention
when we were all anxiously sitting in front of our TVs
saying, "Do people actually like this?"
Kind of like how you feel when you're watching
one of those TikTok videos
where someone eats cereal out of someone else's mouth
and you have to wonder, "Is this a thing now?
Will my kids do this one day?
And when I tell them not to do it, will they scream
that I don't understand anything and then run to their rooms
and slam the door over this -- over this [bleep] nonsense?"
Anyway, you remember the RNC
when the president flagrantly broke the law
by holding a political event on the White House lawn
when the Republican Party decided to celebrate
threats of violence against protesters
by giving Mr. and Mrs. Elmer Dudd over here
a prominent speaking spot?
Or how about when a profusely sweating
Rudy Giuliani mopped his brow, then rubbed his weirdo juice
all over that lady sitting next to him?
That's like when you touch a baby bird.
Now her mother's going to have to stop feeding her.
That's the way you sweat when you wake up from a dream
where you were sitting next to Rudy Giuliani.
"Oh! Oh, thank God. Aah!"
How about when Republicans thought
this would be a convincing campaign message?
-Joe Biden is basically the Loch Ness monster of the swamp.
-They'll disarm you, empty the prisons,
lock you in your home,
and invite MS-13 to live next door.
-We may not have realized it at the time,
but Trump is the bodyguard of Western civilization.
-Ladies and gentlemen, leaders and fighters
for freedom and liberty
and the American dream, the best is yet to come!
-Jesus, are you campaigning or trying to scare
some seagulls away from your beach blanket?
"Those Doritos are not for you!"
I hope the GOP platform added "Replace everyone's TV screens."
Well, you're not going to believe this.
But according to polls, none of it worked.
A new CNN poll had Joe Biden ahead of Trump by eight points,
which matches the national polling average.
It is basically where the race has been since June.
Trump could've disappeared for three months
and it would've had the same effect.
In fact, that's basically what he did.
Dude plays golf with more B-list celebrities
than the Pebble Beach Pro Am.
"This weekend on CBS, watch Huey Lewis and the guy
who voiced the Budweiser frogs
miss a two-foot putt for triple bogey."
And a CBS poll out on Sunday asked voters
specifically who would do a better job with protests
and criminal justice issues, and the answers did not support
Trump's so-called law and order strategy.
-We've seen the president try to shift
what this conversation is about in this election.
He wants it to be not about COVID-19
but about violence in the cities.
What do your numbers tell you about that strategy?
-Biden comes out better on that measure,
and particularly we asked if each candidate seemed
to be trying to calm the situation
or maybe encourage even more tension.
Well, the president on balance is seen
as encouraging more tension, more fighting.
-And of course he is.
He's not exactly a calming presence.
He dresses like retired Darth Vader.
He yells like he's on the other side of six lanes of traffic.
And even his smile looks like it was directed by Stanley Kubrick.
He's the human embodiment of tension and fighting.
He's the uncle at the wedding reception
who has the rest of the family on pins and needles
because they're afraid he'll get drunk and give a speech.
"I -- I didn't want -- I never thought --
I never thought it would work out after Tyler
cheated on Tammy.
Also, don't believe what you hear.
I did not have a series of mini strokes."
I mean, who wouldn't prefer the uncle
who doesn't come to the wedding
because Amtrak doesn't service Catalina Island?
Second, Trump and his allies have been open about this.
They don't want to calm things down.
They actually want things to get worse, not better.
Because they think they can blame it on Joe Biden.
Kellyanne Conway came out and said it outright.
That's why Trump and his attorney general
moved to classified Democratic cities as, quote,
"anarchist jurisdictions" in an insane
and deeply authoritarian memo last week.
And it's why Trump tweeted this last night.
"The real polls are starting to look great.
We will be having an even bigger victory than that of 2016.
The radical left anarchists, agitators, looters,
and just plain lunatics will not be happy,
but they will behave."
They'll behave?
It's never reassuring when the president talks
about his political opponents like a dean
trying to shut down a rowdy frat in an '80s teen comedy.
"I'm outlawing toga parties.
The gentlemen from Theta Delta Psi will not be happy,
but they will behave.
And as this is the end of act two of this team romp,
I am confident that this will be the final outcome of things.
Hello? Oh, it's the boys from Theta.
Oh, you do?
Oh, they're asking me to ride on their homecoming float.
I told you they respond to a little bit of discipline.
And just to be clear, boys, you want me to wear pants that
are loose enough to fall down if my belt somehow came off?
Well, consider it done and I look forward to it."
Look, guys, we're back in the studio,
but we're still going to take tangents.
Where were we? Oh, right.
The real world. Trump's strategy isn't working.
Poll after poll has shown
that the American people can see through it.
For one thing, Trump can't call himself
the law and order candidate
when he surrounds himself with criminal goons.
Just take, for example, Louis DeJoy,
who is Trump's postmaster general.
Despite having a name that makes him sound
like a puppet on a French children's show --
[ Speaking French ]
Louis DeJoy...
[ Continues in French ]
This weekend -- [ Laughs ]
My mother was my French teacher. That's the best I could do.
This weekend it was reported that DeJoy,
a major GOP donor with tens of millions of dollars
and conflicts of interest may have illegally pressured
employees to donate to Republicans,
then reimbursed them with bonuses,
which must've really sucked for his employees.
"Okay, honey, the good news is I got a bonus of $50,000.
The bad news is I have to give it to Mitch McConnell.
Don't be mad, honey. Where are you going, honey?"
At his press conference yesterday,
Trump was asked if he would be okay with removing
DeJoy from his post.
And he quickly pivoted to complaining
about the many investigations of him.
-Would you support an investigation, sir?
-Sure, sure. -And in --
-I think let the investigations go.
But -- but he's a very respected man.
-If it's proven to be a campaign finance scheme,
do you think he should lose his job?
-Yeah, if something could be proven
that he did something wrong, always.
-Thank you. -Always.
They've been looking at me for four years.
They found nothing.
Four years. Think of it.
For four years, from the day I came down the escalator,
I've been under investigation by sleeze, and they found nothing.
-No, they did not find nothing.
If anything, they found too much.
Somewhere in the FBI there's a file cabinet labeled
"Trump's crimes we didn't have time for."
I'm pretty sure I saw the room
where they keep the evidence against Trump
on an episode of "Hoarders."
They found among other things,
two separate criminal conspiracies
to help get you elected, at least ten instances
of possible obstruction of justice,
and a whole other separate thing you got impeached for.
Just because you're not in jail yet
doesn't mean they found nothing.
Even O.J. doesn't walk around saying,
"They found none of my gloves at the crime scene."
So, clearly Trump's approach is not working.
Of course, it might not matter
since we have an absurd electoral system
that lets, like, five states choose the winner.
And the winner is often the loser.
It's like when you had the winning numbers on a scratch-off
and when you looked at it, the prize just said,
"Give 10,000 bucks to the guy standing next to you."
Knowing they have an electoral college advantage,
Trump and his allies have made no attempt
to reach out to the majority of voters
that have consistently disapproved of him
since day one of his campaign.
Instead, they've invested in a two-pronged approach
of distorting reality
by pretending that so-called liberal cities are in chaos.
And also that the pandemic is over
and the economy is great, none of which is true.
Trump just did it again yesterday
at his press conference.
-Under my leadership, next year will be
the greatest economic year in the history of our country,
I project.
We're currently witnessing
the fastest labor market recovery
from an economic crisis in history, world history.
By contrast, Biden presided over the worst, the weakest,
and the slowest economic recovery
since the Great Depression.
It was a long, slow slog.
-Listening to you read off a script is a long, slow slog.
It's like listening to Rocky read an eye chart
after ten rounds with Apollo Creed.
"A, A, A."
"They're not all As, Rock!"
And I'm sorry, you're calling the Obama recovery
the worst, the weakest, and the slowest?
If anything, that sounds like an action movie franchise
about your three adult children.
Best thing about that joke, you can switch them around,
still works.
Trump and the GOP have decided their only choice
is to spin a fantasy alternate reality
where everything is great
despite the fact that coronavirus cases
are once again on the rise in 22 states,
and we've only recovered about half the jobs
that were lost in what's been the greatest economic crash
since the Great Depression.
Just because some of those jobs came back
doesn't make you an economic genius.
If you gained 30 pounds during quarantine,
you can't sell a workout tape called
"How to Lose Five Pounds & That's It!"
But probably Trump's most brazen
and infuriating act of reality distortion yesterday
came when he tried to con people into thinking
he's an anti-war president.
Trump was reacting to the furor of "The Atlantic's"
bombshell report that he called Americans
who died in war "losers" and "suckers,"
which has been confirmed by multiple outlets
including the A.P., CNN, and even Fox News
and also by common sense.
I mean, it sounds exactly like something Trump would say.
He probably thinks anyone who dies is a sucker.
"I'm going to live until I'm at least 200, just like Rudy.
What's your secret, Rudy?"
"You got to sweat out the toxins, boss!"
At his press conference yesterday,
Trump tried to claim he's beloved by the troops,
which is not true.
Polls show active duty troops actually prefer Joe Biden.
And then he took the lie even further, claiming
Pentagon officials don't like him
because he is against endless wars.
-I'm not saying the military's in love with me,
the soldiers are.
The top people in the Pentagon probably aren't
because they want to do nothing but fight wars
so that all of those wonderful companies
that make the bombs and make the planes
and make everything else stay happy.
-Oh, yeah, man, totally.
Everyone believes you're an anti-war activist.
I can totally see you marching on Washington in the '60s
with a beard and teashade glasses
holding a sign and smoking a joint.
"It's like Lennon says, give peas a chance.
I mean, I've already given peas a chance.
Hard pass for me. Not a fan of the pea."
Second, this is an especially infuriating lie,
coming from a guy who has repeatedly touted billions
in arms sales to a brutal regime in Saudi Arabia,
vetoed a bill to end U.S. involvement
in the horrific war in Yemen,
massively expanded bombing campaigns across the world
including a record number in Afghanistan,
increased the Pentagon's budget for the fifth consecutive year
to the point where it's now near now Iraq War levels,
added billions to a Pentagon slush fund
specifically for war fighting,
and has bragged about sending U.S. troops to Saudi Arabia
because Saudi Arabia would pay for it.
Or how about the time Trump gleefully showed off
all the weapons he was selling to Saudi Arabia's
Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman?
-If you look in terms of dollars, $3 billion,
$533 million, $525 million.
That's peanuts for you.
Should've increased it.
$880 million. $645 million.
$6 billion.
That's for frigates.
$889 million.
$63 million.
And that's for various artillery.
THAAD system, $13 billion.
[ Cameras clicking ]
The C-130 heli-- airplanes,
the Hercules, great plane,
$3.8 billion.
The Bradley vehicles, that's the tanks,
$1.2 billion.
And the P-8 Poseidons,
$1.4 billion.
-You should've just worn a waiter's uniform
and brought the weapons in on a dessert tray.
"Would you like the Bradley tanks or the Hercules rockets
or perhaps the chocolate mousse?"
"You know what? Should we be naughty?
Should we get two?
We're going to do the tanks and the mousse
and then just bring -- bring a bunch of spoons."
But the story about Trump denigrating Americans who died
or were wounded in war is such a perfect window
into the reality distortion machine on the right.
Because even Fox News, whose own national security reporter,
Jennifer Griffin, confirmed the story,
has sought to undercut it.
Here's how Fox treated the story after Griffin
confirmed it with her own reporting.
-Don't you find it the least bit questionable
that the Biden campaign,
perhaps the slowest, clumsiest entity
since Joe Biden himself already had an ad made
based on this -- this hoax?
-We also know that the story is based
on completely anonymous sources
and that anonymous sources are participating
in some kind of information operation against the president.
-You wrote there are no words for how disgusting
and dishonorable this is.
My question to you is, how do you know it's accurate?
How do you know it's true?
-Your own network confirmed it.
Do you guys watch your own channel,
or do you just take naps until Trump tweets something?
"What? He said he didn't have a series of mini strokes?
All right, are mini strokes even a thing?
You know what, it doesn't matter.
Quick, get it on the air and use this chyron.
'A Stroke of Genius.'"
And there's no better indication of the fact
that Fox is a propaganda machine
and not a real news organization than the fact
that they're willing to undercut their own reporting
to serve the president's agenda.
No legitimate news organization would do that.
When the "New York Times" reports something negative
about Joe Biden, they don't use the headline
"Failing 'New York Times' spreads fake news -- sad."
Just goes to show you they can't actually
campaign on their record.
So instead they're trying to concoct an alternate universe
where coronavirus is over, the economy is back,
and a president who brags about arms sales is anti-war.
If that doesn't work, Trump will probably
just try to convince people that he's Joe Biden.
"You know, I was just saying to my wife, Jill,
no more malarkey.
We hate malarkey, don't we, folks?
We've had it up to here with the malarkey."
I think it's safe to say that at this point
instead of hiring the best and the brightest,
the GOP or the Trump campaign are filled with --
-The worst, the weakest, and the slowest.
-This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪