- If this video gets over 1,000,000 Likes, I'll shut up.
Shut up!
This is a $1,000,000,000 girlfriend,
and she's rich enough to pull a small country out of debt.
But before we get to her, I'm gonna try
five different girlfriends with different dollar values,
all the way down to this $1 girlfriend.
So, why do you only have $1?
- Um, student debt, mostly.
But I deliver food and I work for Uber,
and I also will sell feet pics if I'm late on rent.
- And what's even worse,
she's never owned anything from Gucci,
not even slides or a scarf.
- I don't really pay attention to fashion.
I spend most of my time at the animal shelter.
I volunteer helping quadriplegic dogs
learn how to walk again.
- I'm having a lotta trouble relating to this girlfriend,
and my viewer retention is dropping like crazy!
So let's go to my $10,000 girlfriend!
(air whooshing)
This girlfriend is over five-feet long, has 10 fingers,
32 teeth, and a "Shrek" tattoo on her neck.
- Wow, this girlfriend's way better than the $1 girlfriend!
- Alright, okay guys, calm down.
Give us some space, alright?
- Ooh, oh my God.
Dude, she knows "Fortnite!"
She knows "Fortnight!" (Brendan cheering)
- I needed some time alone
to get to know my $10,000 girlfriend.
So to distract my boys,
I put $5 on a Roomba and put it out in the street.
(air whooshing)
So, how did you make $10,000?
- I sued IKEA after getting lost in the store.
I survived seven days eating Jarvfjallet and Bjorkoviken.
- Wow!
So, how are you gonna take me on a $10,000 date?
- I'm sorry, what?
I didn't know that was the point.
- What, what do you not understand about this video?
- You're supposed to...
My $10,000 girlfriend said she had to go to the bathroom,
but I think she escaped through the ceiling.
But if you thought my $10,000 girlfriend would-
- Dude, dude!
Brendan just chased the Roomba into the street
and he got hit by a car and he is bleeding out!
We gotta take him to the hospital, like now!
- Okay, yeah, yeah, we'll take him to the hospital.
But before we get to that,
I can't wait to show you my $100,000 girlfriend!
But, there's a twist!
To prove I don't just objectify women,
my $100,000 girlfriend is actually a boyfriend,
and I've never tried a boyfriend before.
So, you do you like sports?
- Yeah, I like sports.
- That's cool.
Uh, do you play video games? (laughing)
- Sure, yeah.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
- Do you ever pretend
that the airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
- Sometimes.
(magic sparkling)
- Really?
- Ye...
Yeah.
- We actually hit it off really well,
and I guess I have a lot to think about.
But the one thing on my mind right now
is Mr. Gru's Smokeless Chew.
My favorite thing about this product
is it's extremely addictive.
I can't go more than two hours
without downing a whole container of this amazing product!
And dead-ass, no cap,
me and my boys have never looked cooler.
For 25 cents off your first purchase,
use discount code "mouthcancer."
Now, it's time to show you my $1,000,000 girlfriend!
This girlfriend drives a Kia Soul,
is Gold-ranked in "League of Legends,"
and lives in a one-bedroom apartment above a Build-A-Bear.
So, how do you have $1,000,000?
- I'm an entrepreneur.
- What does that mean?
- Well, I called my mom and told her I got kidnapped,
so she wired me $1,000,000 in ransom.
- Whoa!
So you could spend like $1,000,000 on our date then?
- Oh actually,
I can't because the feds found my bank account,
so I gotta go to jail in two hours.
- (beep)!
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for,
I'm finally gonna show you my $1,000,000,000 girlfriend!
She's got $1,000,000,000,
and I don't really know anything else about her
nor do I really care.
I mean, she's got money, that's cool!
So, how did you make $1,000,000,000?
- Well, you know when you're at the grocery store
in the self-checkout,
and it says, "Unexpected item in bagging area,
please remove item before continuing"?
That's me.
- Ooh! - Ooh yeah!
- Do another one, do another one!
- "Please, select your payment type."
- Ooh! - Yo, shit!
Yo Brandon, are you hearin' this?
- Oh. (deep tense one)
Well, how are you gonna spend $1,000,000,000 on our date?
- Wait, I thought this was a Mr. Beast video.
- Oh, no, no, no,
I said this was a Mr. Beast inspired video.
- Okay, I'm out of here.
- Wait, wait!
Wait, no!
Ooh, ooh, she stepped outside the red circle!
- Dude, there's no circle.
- Oh, and the last one to leave the circle wins a real life
"Fortnite" Battle Bus "Squid Game" "Among Us!"
(bell chiming)
- There's no circle.
- Shut up.
(deep tense tone)
(panting) What do I do?
Gimme some ideas, please, please, please.
(gasping) That's it.
(deep tense tones)
(Braden panting)
(static crackling)
- Hello, Braden.
You're chained in this room,
and the only way you could get out
is by using the key that I hid in your spleen,
or by using a saw to cut off your leg.
If you can make it out alive, you'll get a year supply
of my new Beefables Beef-Flavored Chocolate.
Good luck.
(Braden screaming)
(deep tense tone)
- [Ian] To see behind-the-scenes footage and bloopers
from this video, click the Join button to become a member.
Also, I've hidden the key in the Subscribe button.
Click it, or else you'll have to saw your leg off.
♪ Mr. Beef ♪
♪ He's Mr. Beef, yeah ♪
♪ Mr. Beef ♪
(explosion blasting)