>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
GIVE IT UP FOR LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND, EVERYBODY.
EXACTLY. WE HAVE GOT SOME AMAZING GUESTS
TONIGHT. A YOUNG MAN, EVERYONE'S FAVORITE
ROM COM, HUGH GRANT. AND FROM THE NEW BROADWAY PLAY,
"GOOD NIGHT, OSCAR," SEAN HAYES IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE.
YOU KNOW, IT'S INTERESTING, YOU KNOW THAT DAVID STATUE THING
WHERE THE PARENTS WERE UPSET THAT THEY WEREN'T WARNED THAT
THE KIDS WERE GOING TO BE SEEING THE DAVID.
I CAN RELATE INTO WAYS. FIRST OF ALL, IT IS TERRIBLE FOR
YOUNG MAN'S BODY IMAGE TO SEE THE DAVID.
TO THINK THAT THAT'S POSSIBLE. HIS ABS ARE LITERALLY ROCK-HARD.
THAT'S NOT FAIR. BUT THE SECOND THING IS, THIS IS
THE FIRST YEAR OF THIS SHOW? 2015 OR 2016, SOMETHING LIKE
THAT, WE WANTED TO SHOW THE DAVID ON THE SHOW AND WE GOT A
NOTE FROM CBS THAT SAID YOU CAN'T SHOW THE DAVID.
THAT'S A NAKED MAN. I SAID, IT'S THE DAVID.
AND THEY SAID, OKAY, YOU CAN'T SHOW A CLOSE-UP PICTURE OF THE
DAVID. HAS TO BE FULL BODY PICTURE.
IT HAS TO BE OTS COME OVER HERE, NOT FULL FRAME.
YOU CAN'T LEAVE IT UP FOR MORE THAN TWO SECONDS.
THAT'S HOW THREATENINGLY THAT STATUE IS.
WE ONLY LEFT IT UP FOR TWO SECONDS AND I CERTAINLY HOPE
THAT NO ONE PAUSED BEAR DVR IN THAT MOMENT.
AND GOT REAL CLOSE TO THE SCREEN LIKE THAT.
AND WENT, WHY ISN'T HE CIRCUMCISED?
FOLKS, ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I LOVE SPACE.
IT'S VAST, IT'S MYSTERIOUS AND APPARENTLY FULL OF
NOUGAT. AND I LIKE TO GIVE YOU ALL THE
COSMIC UPDATES IN MY ONGOING SEGMENT...
SPACE NEWS! NICELY DONE.
FIRST UP, SPACEX NEWS!
>> THIS GUY. >> EARLIER THIS MONTH,
ELON MUSK'S SPACEX LAUNCHED AN INTERNATIONAL CREW OF ASTRONAUTS
ON A SPACE STATION MISSION. WHERE, JUST LIKE MUSK'S
EMPLOYEES AT TWITTER, THEY'LL WORK AROUND THE CLOCK,
SLEEP AT THE OFFICE, AND POOP IN A VACUUM.
YOU MAY ALSO REMEMBER THAT MUSK STILL HAS THOUSANDS OF HIS
STARLINK INTERNET SATELLITES ORBITING THE EARTH,
AND NOW SPACE WATCHERS ARE WARNING THAT CHINA COULD LAUNCH
13,000 SATELLITES TO DISRUPT STARLINK, BECAUSE
CHINESE MILITARY RESEARCHERS SAY IT COULD THREATEN
CHINA'S NATIONAL SECURITY. I MEAN, THAT SEEMS TOO
COMPLICATED OF A PLOT. IF ELON MUSK REALLY WANTED
TO DESTROY CHINA, HE'D BUY IT AND APPOINT HIMSELF CEO.
[APPLAUSE] ACCORDING TO SPACEX, MUSK HAS
A NEW ROCKET IN THE WORKS, THE FIRST LAUNCH ATTEMPT OF
WHICH WILL BE NEAR THE END OF APRIL, BUT "THE REAL GOAL
IS TO NOT BLOW UP ON THE LAUNCH PAD."
THAT'S A PRETTY LOW BAR. "IDEALLY I'D LOVE TO WIN
A GOLD MEDAL IN GYMNASTICS. BUT THE REAL GOAL IS TO NOT CRAP
MYSELF ON THE POMMEL HORSE." COME ON, BABY.
NEXT UP, "SPACE CLEANING NEWS!"
[WARBLING] [WHIRRING]
A COMPANY IN SWITZERLAND IS SET TO LAUNCH A GIANT CLAW
FOR REMOVING SPACE JUNK THAT WILL GRAB ONTO SPACE DEBRIS
AND SEND IT INTO EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE TO BURN UP.
BUT TRUST ME, NO MATTER HOW MANY QUARTERS YOU FEED THAT CLAW,
YOU WILL NEVER GET THE SPACE PIKACHU.
NEXT UP. PIKA!
PIKA, PIKA! NEXT UP, SPACE PRESIDENT NEWS!
["HAIL TO THE CHIEF" PLAYS] CELESTIS, A TEXAS BASED COMPANY
THAT SENDS PEOPLE'S ASHES TO THE STARS, ANNOUNCED THAT
DNA FROM 4 AMERICAN PRESIDENTS WILL LAUNCH TO DEEP SPACE.
NOT THE BEST FIRST IMPRESSION GIFT FOR THE ALIENS.
"ZORG! THE NEW NEIGHBORS SENT US
SOMETHING -- IT'S A BLUE DRESS WITH--
EWWWW!" UGH.
[LAUGHTER] NEXT UP,
MARS FLOODING NEWS! >> RIGHTEOUS!
>> CHINA'S MARS ROVER HAS FOUND HINTS OF CATASTROPHIC FLOODS
ON THE RED PLANET BUT CAUTION THAT THE REGION
COULD HAVE ALSO BEEN COVERED IN LAVA.
THIS NEW DATA SUPPORTS THE PREVAILING SCIENTIFIC THEORY
THAT MARTIANS TRAVELLED BY HOPPING FROM COUCH CUSHION
TO COUCH CUSHION. THE FLOOR IS LAVA.
FINALLY. FINALLY,
PLANETARY CONJUNCTION NEWS! ♪ ♪
THERE YOU GO. RECENTLY, JUPITER AND VENUS
KISSED IN A STUNNING PLANETARY CONJUNCTION.
AND EVERYONE FOUND OUT THE NEXT DAY, BECAUSE IF YOU LOOK
CLOSELY, JUPITER TOTALLY HAS A HICKEY.
AND THIS RENDEZ-VOUZ WAS PARTICULARLY SPECIAL
BECAUSE, AS ONE EXPERT PUT IT "ALTHOUGH VENUS AND JUPITER
GET CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER EVERY FEW YEARS, THIS TIME THERE
IS ALSO MARS AND SATURN IN THE MIX, WHICH IS
PRETTY RARE." AND WITH THAT MANY PLANETS
IN THE LIFESTYLE, YOU KNOW SOMEONE'S GOING TO GET
CURIOUS ABOUT URANUS. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
HUGH GRANT!