* Sirens *
Ian:SHUT UP!
* Evil laugh *
Look at this little crime committing dirtbag burglar
He just broke in your house
And now he's gonna burgle the heck out of it
* disappears *
* Evil laughing*
* Anthony screaming *
*AUGH!*
And now you're dead
All because you are dumb dumb
But don't worry, there's a solution
My name is Sargent Anous
And i'm gonna teach you how to survive a home burglary
* Shiny tooth *
Let's go!
There are 2 foolproof ways to avoid being bat murdered by a burglar
Burglars always hate being killed
Here´s a weapon you can make using items found in any household!
Simply take some pvc pipe
Errrgggghhhh
A nitous oxide canister
Errrgggghhhh
A valve from massive steam-operated machinery
Errrgggghhhh
Duct tape!
Errrgggghhhh
And a butternut squash
Then you tape it all together
And bam!!!
You're ready for action bucko!
Errrgggghhhh
*Ugh!*
*Screams*
BUTTERNUT SQUASH'D!
If it doesn't work out you can always use my next method
Tire them out!
However this doesn't work if you´re lazy or morbidly obese quadriplegic
BAT MURDERED'D!
Well lets say none of these options work
In that case you need to stop that burgling burglar from getting in your house and burgling it in the first place
And in this case we use the rule of
Always
Silently
Shut
Doors
In case of
Kleptomaniacs
Or Assdick for short
You'd be surprised how many people don't think about assdick
I think about assdick all the time
*disappears*
Now there´s a man knows his assdick
ASSDICK FAIL'D!
Lets try that again
Girls Scout Cookies
Do you have the new punch flavor?
yep
ASSDICK FIST'D!
Let's try that again
Try to get through that, BIT*H!
ASSDICK TO THE FACE'D!
If Assdick doesn't work for you, you only have one option left
Dress as a burglar yourself!
not bad
What the hell?
Uhh... sorry sir i am currently burglaring this house right now
No my apologies
I shall burglar elsewhere
Good day, sir!
YUSS!!!
BURGLAR BAMOOZLE'D-D-DD-D!
Stop right there you burgling burglars!
No no i'm just pretending to be a burglar
Like you told me to
No i am just dressing like a burglar like you told me to
Prove it!
Take off your masks!
See
I can't tell you two apart.
All you white people look the same.
What? We don't look nothing alike!
Bullsh*t!
Hah! That burgling scum is off the streets for good!
But just to make sure
Let's go celebrate with some Ice cream
I'll buy since I keep all my life savings
Right in this wallet!
Ag! Ow! OO! Ow! Aug!
AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Five Dollars?
He was RICH!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
*Coughing*
Well, join me next week when I show you how to
Get the most likes on Instagram
By posting a picture of yourself dying
From BAT murder.......
*Click!*
Yeah! That one's going to get on the popular page for sure!
#CRAYOLO!
Bleugh!
Sergeant Anous only got 2 likes on his picture,
Both were from his mom
HASHTAG CRAYOLO!
To see bloopers and, this....
AAH!
Click the video right here!
Sorry, what was that? I have short term memory loss
From when I was eating paint
STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!
AND Subscribe!
WHAT's THAT? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SUBSCRIBE??????!!!!!????!!!!
BULLSH*T!!!
Yeah, I don't get why people find it so weird
When a guy loves his stuffed animal
But I LIKE to get naked and laven yourself in baby oil!
Then take my teddy bear and hump it into submission until I fall asleep
WHO Cares? right? RIGHT?
RRRIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHTTTTTTT
UGH!
OWWW!