The guys who cut hard enduro single track are some of the most evil people on the planet.
It all started with Hitler, who was injured when trying to ride an Austrian prototype.
He resolved to inflict pain on motorbike riders...
and a lot of other people too.
Next was Stalin who manufactured weird motorbikes like the Taurus
to injure riders who attempted to ride it.
And Mao Zedong continued this tradition with motorbikes designed
to fail in hundreds of different ways.
Thankfully our local track cutter has no plans for world domination.
But his latest track has six evil traps.
The first one is very simple.
An off camber turn over wet tree roots.
Scotty goes down.
The second trap is getting over logs on a a slippery clay uphill.
Jeff goes down.
You're okay?
Number three.
Instead of going around these logs, we are forced to squeeze our motorbikes through.
Our track cutter leaves a message on this log.
"500 metres to go, you love it!"
This message is dripping with sarcasm and its intention is to crush our already feeble spirits.
Number four. The slippery bridge.
Now it really gets difficult.
No run up.
It's hard to get your feet on the ground.
This was close to disaster.
The guys told me my front wheel was half off the bridge at this point.
Number five. A weird off camber log.
You can hit it with speed and just hope you land well and don't hit the trees.
But I do it slowly and realise this was a deceptively cunning trap.
I chickened out it just needed a bit of speed
Bummer, yeah my boots caught
Bloody hell.
Yeah just needs a bit of speed obviously.
Can Scotty avoid the evil intentions of the track cutter?
No.
Well it's more graceful than me!
Sorry.
More graceful than me
And finally, a nasty hill climb. The track cutter leaves no other exit for this track.
So we have to complete the climb or go all the way back.
Attempt number two.
Excellent!
I think I can make it.
Take that, track cutter!
But no... there's a fallen branch across the track.
These are our six reasons to hate track cutters on this one ride.
The good news?
The International Criminal Court is taking action against these heartless bastards.
This is just the short public version.
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