WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.
YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I REALIZE, I'M FULLY AWARE THEY COME ACROSS AS
A PRETTY BUTTONED-UP GUY.
BUT IF THERE'S ONE THING I LOVE, IT'S ROCK 'N ROLL!
WHICH IS TECHNICALLY TWO THINGS.
THAT'S WHY WASY BACK IN MARCH, WHERE IT HAD BEEN SUGGESTED THAT
DONALD TRUMP'S WALL SHOULD BE PAID FOR BY CROWDSOURCING, AND I
USED AN ACTUAL GoFundMe PAGE FOR A ROCK BAND NAMED FLAW
TO EXPLAIN THE FLAW IN THIS IDEA.
SO, IN THIS SCENARIO, DONALD TRUMP IS THE BAND FLAW, AND THE
WALL IS FLAW'S NEW VAN.
FLAW NEEDS A NEW VAN TO MAKE IT TO THEIR UPCOMING CONCERT AT
SPICOLI'S IN WATERLOO, IOWA.
( LAUGHTER ) AND DONALD TRUMP NEEDS HIS WALL
TO STOP MEXICANS FROM ALL RUSHING IN TO AMERICA-- I ASSUME
TO CATCH FLAW AT SPICOLI'S IN WATERLOO, IOWA.
THAT'S RIGHT, FLAW IS A REAL BAND, THAT HAD A REAL GoFundMe
PAGE, THAT WAS REALLY ASKING FOR $15,000 FOR A NEW TOUR VAN.
THEY WERE ONLY A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS SHORT, AND AFTER THAT
SHOUT-OUT FROM ME, YOU, "THE LATE SHOW"" COMMUNITY STEPPED UP
AND AGREED YOU DON'T CARE IF FLAW NEEDS A VAN.
WHAT GIVES.
DID YOU NOT SEE THEM AT SPICOLI'S?
THEY ROCKED IT.
I WAS SURPRISED AND, FRANKLY, DISAPPOINTED.
SO A FEW WEEKS LATER, I MENTIONED FLAW AGAIN IN A JOKE
ABOUT JEFF BEZOS.
YOU'VE GOT $130 BILLION.
YOU COULD GIVE IT TO EDUCATION, POVERTY, FIGHTING CLIMATE
CHANGE.
HELL, THE NEW METAL BAND FLAW STILL HASN'T EARNED ENOUGH MONEY
ON GoFundMe TO PAY FOR THEIR VAN!
COME ON, THEY'RE ONLY $1,500 SHORT!
HOW ELSE IS FLAW SUPPOSED TO GET TO THEIR NEXT GIG AT FUBAR IN
ST. LOUIS?
( LAUGHTER ) AND THIS TIME YOU FOLKS REALLY
STEPPED UP TO THE PLATE AND...
THEN STEPPED AWAY.
BECAUSE YOU STILL-- THERE'S, LIKE, $50 BETWEEN THOSE TWO
TOTALS THERE, 50 BUCKS!
YOU STILL DID NOT RAISE ENOUGH TO GET FLAW A VAN.
SO, I JUST BOUGHT FLAW A VAN, AND--
( APPLAUSE ) YES!
THANK YOU!
ORCHLTS A ROLL, BABY!
>> Stephen: AND I INVITED ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE BAND.
SAY THEIR NAMES WITH ME: ROB, TOMMY, CHRIS, GEORGE AND DAN--
THE TALL ONE-- TO COME TO NEW YORK AND CHECK OUT THEIR NEW
WHEELS.
JIM?
>> Stephen: I BOUGHT FLAW THE BEST VAN THAT $15,000 COULD BUY.
IT HAD EVERYTHING-- WHEELS, A PEDDLE THAT WOULD MAKE IT DRIVE
WHEN YOU PRESSED ON IT, AND THIS OLD DISCARDED GLOVE.
IT WAS TIME TO OFFICIALLY PRESENT THIS BAD BOY TO THE BAD
BOYS.
>> FLAW!
>> Stephen: AND ALSO HELP THEM DECORATE IT TO MAKE IT FEEL A
LITTLE MORE METAL.
I'M NOT A HUGE METAL-HEAD, BUT I LOVE THE SCORPS, OBVIOUSLY.
YOU GUYS INTO THE SCORPS?
>> YEAH.
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: SCORPS FAN?
HOW DO YOU-- HOW DO YOU GUYS FEEL ABOUT-- YOU GUYS LIKE
GRINDERSWITCH?
>> I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH THAT.
>> Stephen: MIND CORPSE?
>> NOT FAMILIAR WITH THAT.
>> Stephen: AUTOPSY TURVY.
>> ( LAUGHS ) SORRY, I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH
THAT.
>> Stephen: ABRACADAVER?
>> NO, SORRY.
>> Stephen: NO?
BLOOD BARRIER?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: NO?
YOU DON'T KNOW ANY OF THOSE BANDS?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
BECAUSE I MADE THEM UP.
I WAS JUST TESTING YOU.
I WAS JUST MAKING SURE.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
I'M SUPER EXCITED YOU'RE HERE.
LET'S GO DECORATE THE VAN.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: COME ON.
FLAW!
THERE IT IS!
LOOK AT THAT.
IT'S PERFECT.
HERE'S A LITTLE THROW RUG.
YOU CAN ARRANGE THOSE AROUND A LITTLE BIT.
DON'T JUST THROW 'EM.
THERE YOU GO.
HERE ARE SOME BEAN BAG CHAIRS.
AND, OF COURSE, THEY'VE GOT SEAT BELTS.
>> SAFETY FIRST.
>> Stephen: FOR SAFETY, EXACTLY.
STRAP YOURSELF IN NOW.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: STRAP YOURSELF IN.
>> GOT IT.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE GONNA BE ON THE ROAD FOR A LONG
TIME.
YOU GET LONELY.
WHAT DO YOU GUYS NEED?
YOU NEED A PET.
SO WE GOT YOU A CAT >> AWW.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: HI!
HELLO!
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK OUT?
THERE YOU GO, ALL RIGHT.
AND THEN PUT THAT RIGHT THERE.
THIS THING'S- THIS THING'S SMARTER THAN WE ARE.
OKAY?
THIS IS YOUR NEW TOUR MANAGER.
( LAUGHTER ) IT GETS LONELY ON THE ROAD, I
IMAGINE, YOU KNOW?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MISS?
FAMILY?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
WE GOT YOU GUYS A MOM.
>> AH!
AH!
HOLY MOLY.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO, GUYS.
>> HEY, YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> HI, GUYS.
>> HI.
HELLO.
>> YOU'RE TERRIFIC.
>> THANK YOU.
>> YOU'RE TERRIFIC.
>> OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> ARE YOU READY FOR THE ROAD LIFE?
>> UH, YEAH, SURE.
I THINK I CAN DO THAT.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
NOW IMAGINE IT'S RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW AND YOU'VE JUST SEEN THEM
PLAY.
NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY TO THE BOYS?
>> YOU BOYS WERE REALLY GREAT.
YOU REALLY KICKED THEM IN THE CROTCH!
>> ( LAUGHS ) YES!
>> Stephen: HEY, LET'S ALL SING A SONG.
MOM, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
>> ♪ SPLISH, SPLASH ♪ -- >> ♪ I WAS TAKIN' A BATH
♪ LONG ABOUT A SATURDAY NIGHT.
>> Stephen: TAKE IT!
>> ♪ WELL, I STEPPED OUT THE TUB I PUT MY FEET ON THE FLOOR
♪ I WRAPPED THE TOWEL AROUND ME AND I OPENED THE DOOR
♪ AND THEN SPLISH, SPLASH I JUMPED BACK IN THE BATH
♪ WELL, HOW WAS I TO KNOW THERE WAS A PARTY GOIN' ON? ♪
>> Stephen: THAT'S ROCK 'N ROLL!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OF COURSE, NO VAN IS COMPLETE
WITHOUT A GO BAG.
GOT YOU GUYS A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE ROAD HERE.
IT'S GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED: SEASON ONE DVD OF "KEVIN CAN
WAIT."
YOU KNOW, IN SEASON TWO, HIS WIFE DIES, AND NO ONE CARES.
HOW METAL IS THAT?
>> THAT'S PRETTY METAL.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
WHAT HAVE WE GOT?
OH, AND ONE SOCK TO PUT ON THE DOOR HANDLE OF THE VAN.
>> WHEN IT'S ROCKIN'.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW?
IF THE VAN'S ROCKIN', IT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE A ROCK BAND.
COME ON.
(BLEEP) YOUR SUSPENSION.
WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS BAND?
>> FLAW!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WINDY.
WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS BAND?
>> FLAW!
>> Stephen: FLAW!
I'M SORRY, THAT DOESN'T SPELL FLAW.
THAT'S FALW.
IT REALLY LOOKED LIKE FLAW AT FIRST.
WITH SOME FINISHING TOUCHES, THERE WAS JUST ONE THING LEFT
TO DO.
CHRISTEN THIS VAN FOR IT'S MAIDEN VOYAGE.
I HEREBY CHRISTEN THIS VAN FLAW!
( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, GUYS, ENJOY YOUR VAN.
HERE, I WOULDN'T DRINK THAT FOR AWHILE.
FLAW!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ROCK ON FLAW, AND SORRY ABOUT
YOUR HOOD.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, FLAW!
YOU CAN SEE THEM AND THEIR VAN SEPTEMBER 1 IN WATERLOO,
IOWA, AT-- YOU GUESSED IT-- SPICOLI'S!
FLAW!