WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
GUESS WHO'S BACK?
HILLARY CLINTON.
(
SHE EMERGED FROM THE WOODS.
JUST THIS AFTERNOON, SHE APPEARED HERE IN NEW YORK AT AN
EVENT HOSTED BY "WOMEN FOR WOMEN INTERNATIONAL."
AND THE MODERATOR, CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR, INTERVIEWED SECRETARY
CLINTON AND ASKED HER ABOUT THE 2016 CAMPAIGN.
>> WHAT DO YOU IMAGINE YOUR ELECTION AS THE FIRST FEMALE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES MIGHT HAVE SAID TO THE WORLD AND
TO THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD WHO WERE LOOKING FOR VALIDATION, FOR
SOMEBODY TO SHATTER THAT HIGHEST AND HARDEST CEILING?
>> OH, I THINK IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY BIG DEAL.
AND I THINK THAT UM...
(
BEEN A BIG DEAL.
(
CLUSTERS OF NUTS, DONALD TRUMP WOULDN'T BE PRESIDENT.
CHRISTINE AMANPOUR SPOKE ABOUT SEXISM.
>> YOU'VE JUST SPOKEN ELOQUENTLY ABOUT THE SEXISM, THE MISOGYNY
AND INEQUITY AROUND THE WORLD, BUT DO YOU BELIEVE IT EXISTS
HERE STILL?
AND DO YOU THINK-- (
>> Stephen: ASKING HILLARY CLINTON IF SEXISM EXISTS IS LIKE
ASKING SERENA WILLIAMS IF SHE'S HEARD OF THIS TENNIS THING.
SHE'S AWARE OF THE SITUATION.
BUT THE BIG NEWS OF THE INTERVIEW WAS THAT HILLARY
CLINTON EXPLAINED WHY SHE THINKS SHE LOST.
>> BUT I WAS ON THE WAY TO WINNING UNTIL THE COMBINATION OF
JIM COMEY'S LETTER ON OCTOBER 28 AND RUSSIAN WIKILEAKS RAISED
DOUBTS IN THE MINDS OF PEOPLE WHO WERE INCLINED TO VOTE FOR ME
ASK YOURSELF THIS: WITHIN AN HOUR OR TWO OF THE "HOLLYWOOD
ACCESS" TAPE BEING MADE PUBLIC, THE RUSSIAN THEFT OF JOHN
PODESTA'S EMAILS HIT WIKILEAKS.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE.
SO, I MEAN, YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP.
>> Stephen: ACTUALLY, YOU CAN MAKE UP WHATEVER YOU WANT.
HAVE YOU MET OUR CURRENT PRESIDENT?
HE JUST-- HE'S LIKE-- HE'S LIKE (
STEPHEN KING.
BUT HILLARY MAY HAVE ACCIDENTALLY REVEALED WHY SHE
REALLY LOST.
>> YOU KNOW, IF THE ELECTION HAD BEEN ON OCTOBER 27, I'D BE YOUR
PRESIDENT.
AND IT WASN'T.
IT WAS ON OCTOBER 28.
>> Stephen: NO, IT WAS ON NOVEMBER 8, MA'AM.
THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
"WELL, OCTOBER 29 IS HERE AND I AM NOT PRESIDENT.
I GUESS I'LL JUST STOP CAMPAIGNING IN MICHIGAN AND
WISCONSIN!" THAT'S MY IMPRESSION OF HILLARY,
BY THE WAY.
I WOULD HAVE WORKED ON IT MORE IF I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO BE
BACK.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY,
HILLARY CLINTON KNOWS IT WASNT COMEY OR PUTIN OR KEN BONE--
REMEMBER THAT GUY?
SHE KNOWS WHO'S ACTUALLY TO BLAME FOR HER LOSS.
>> I TAKE ABSOLUTE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.
I WAS THE CANDIDATE.
I WAS THE PERSON WHO WAS ON THE BALLOT, AND I AM VERY AWARE OF,
YOU KNOW, THE CHALLENGES, THE PROBLEMS, THE, YOU KNOW, THE
SHORTFALLS THAT WE HAD.
>> Stephen: SO SHE MADE MISTAKES, PUBLICLY RECOGNIZED
THEM, AND OWNED UP TO HER SHORTCOMINGS.
NO WONDER SHE LOST.
THAT'S TOTALLY UNPRESIDENTIAL.
BUT I'LL SAY THIS, THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN WAS SO
BRUTAL-- REMEMBER, LONG, BRUTAL, ONE OF THE NICE THINGS ABOUT
HAVING TRUMP IN OFFICE IS KNOWING THAT IT'S ALL BEHIND US.
>> THE COUNTDOWN TO 2020 IS ALREADY ON.
>> TODAY, PRESIDENT TRUMP OUT WITH HIS FIRST CAMPAIGN AD, THE
EARLIEST ONE THAT HAS EVER AIRED IN A FIRST TERM.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: KILL ME.
NOW, LISTEN, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR OUR PRESIDENT-- NO NEW ELECTIONS
UNTIL YOU FINISH YOUR WARS.
LAUGH NOW KEEP IN MIND THIS IS REALLY A CAMPAIGN AD.
WHEN I FIRST SAW THIS I SAID YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING.
IT WAS AN ACTUAL CAMPAIGN AD PUT OUT BY
"DONALD J. TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
>> DONALD TRUMP, SWORN IN AS PRESIDENT 100 DAYS AGO.
>> Stephen: OKAY, QUICK FACT CHECK ON THE FIRST SENTENCE.
THE AD CAME OUT YESTERDAY, WHICH MEANS TRUMP WAS SWORN IN TO
OFFICE 102 DAYS AGO.
OR AS TRUMP WOULD PUT IT: "MY FIRST 100 DAYS HAD MORE DAYS
THAN ANY OTHER PRESIDENT."
( LAUGHTER ) WE PACKED THEM IN.
EXTRA, OKAY?
WE SPRINKLED A FEW ON TOP.
THAT'S COMP.
WE'RE COMPING THOSE LAST TWO DAYS."
( LAUGHTER ) THEY DID MANAGE TO FIT ALL OF
TRUMP'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS INTO THE 15 SECONDS.
>> A RESPECTED SUPREME COURT JUSTICE CONFIRMED.
COMPANIES INVESTING IN AMERICAN JOBS AGAIN.
AMERICA BECOMING MORE ENERGY INDEPENDENT.
REGULATIONS THAT KILL AMERICAN AMERICAN JOBS ELIMINATED.
THE BIGGEST TAX CUT PLAN IN HISTORY.
>> Stephen: SEE WHAT HE DID THERE?
THEY DIDN'T SAY IT WAS THE BIGGEST TAX CUT IN HISTORY.
THEY SAID IT WAS THE BIGGEST TAX "PLAN" CUT IN HISTORY.
ANYONE CAN DO THAT WATCH: "I PLAN TO CUT EVERYBODY'S TAXES TO
0%."
THERE, NOW I, STEPHEN COLBERT, HAVE THE BIGGEST TAX CUT "PLAN"
IN HISTORY.
YOU'RE WELCOME, THEORETICALLY.
( LAUGHTER ) STILL, DONALD TRUMP SEEMS TO
THINK DONALD TRUMP HAS DONE A LOT.
SO WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD A LOT ABOUT IT?
>> YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT FROM WATCHING THE NEWS.
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT FROM THE FAKE
NEWS LIKE "THE NEW YORK TIMES" AND "THE BOSTON GLOBE," WHICH
ONLY GET QUOTED IN LEFT-WING PROPAGANDA LIKE THIS COMMERCIAL.
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, WE'RE ALMOST DONE.
BRACE YOURSELF.
BRING IT HOME, TRUMP AD.
>> AMERICA IS WINNING, AND PRESIDENT TRUMP IS MAKING
AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
>> I'M DONALD TRUMP, AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.
>> Stephen: WOW.
COULD WE SEE THAT HEROIC FINAL POSE.
COULD WE SEE THAT AGAIN, JIM?
WWO, NOT ONLY IS HE PRESIDENT.
I THINK HE'S TURNING INTO HE-MAN.
"BY THE POWER OF NUMB-SKULL!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )