Bah-weep-graaghnagh-weep-nini-bonjour!
All right, now everyone's appetiser'd up and au fait with the cuts of the Siege cow,
what do you say we get stuck into the main course!
Won't you join me for a cheeky sauvignon and a hearty slice of Ironhide!
Now poor old G1 Ironhide 's probably had one of the roughest rides going, toy-wise, in
all of Transformerdom. I mean for such a well-loved character his plastic portfolio is looking
suspiciously spotty, pretty much from day one! Like, he started life as a weird repurposed
Diaclone droidboi woefully unprepared to handle the weight of expectations of a generation
of cartoon-fed kiddos, and ever since then it's just been strikeout city, with his mainline
representation falling anywhere between Combiner Wars Ironhide - a sloppy-second repaint that
came off like a fresh-faced new recruit prequel version from before his iron bollocks dropped,
that was very obviously only there as another bankable face that could turn into a shin
- and Universe 2008 Ironhide, whom we shall not discuss but whose failure we shall never forget.
There was also that pretty good but weirdly gangly Masterpiece that I did like,
but it was the first of the seriously hit-and-miss cartoon-weighted design trend, although, fair enough
and meanwhile my favourite Ironhide toy of the 21st century wasn't even Ironhide.
Until it was. But still.
And it's confounding! I mean, I love Ironhide and I cannot understand why they always sideline
him so bad. Like, what is the problem here? He's just a chunky red dude with a window
on his tits, why is that hard? So let's see if Siege can finally iron out the creases!
Yes indeed, Big Red comes clodhoppin' back into the fray in a fresh cybertronic form
that definitely puts the iron before the hide! Check out this burly cyberbouncer! I love
how brazenly Robot this is. He's built like a bloke wearing a suit made of shoeboxes!
Soooo, check out the window! Mate, I'm so glad they've finally nailed the glass-panel
torso. I think Titans Kup was the first one that was like, yes, that's the look! And Ironhide
is poppin' fresh with a crystal clear frontage looking onto an almost reflective silver backdrop,
with a nice angled closure.
Head's handsome as heck with a composed, confident smoulder under a weirdly tall rounded helmet
sportin' a sick-ass Yondu mohawk. Not crazy about that countertop neck slab though. I
guess it works fine but it just comes off a smidge unpolished. Arms are the most obvious
arms a robot could have - just two beefy oblongs with hands on the end and some despairingly
empty undersides. I love how Ironhide's shoulders are a thing now? Like I think it started in
the video game years, and while they're nowhere near as iconically uberhuge here, they're
still definitely A Feature, with these crazy ridges and daft double-hinges, and good God that is some
sculptage!
Legs are likewise just wonderfully straight-up shinboxes sportin' a sassy silver stripe.
Thighs are lookin' curiously compact there, and these tiny rounded hips just gimme the
jibblies a little bit? Like they're the very tips of his femurs pokin' out? These outer
flaps are a bit bemusing though, like they don't interfere with anything, but they just
come off
Feet are loads of fun though! They're just like two baking trays hinged onto his shins
with some of the most extreme ankle tilt I've seen in my life!
And is that a secret flight stand port I see in his cheeky hexagon anus?
Anyway, as is expected of the Siege crowd, there's a smidge of the old staining on the
go, but they're really not committing to this are they? Like I thought Skytread's was half-arse
but Ironhide just looks like he spilled some icing sugar.
Plus David Ironhide Pierce takes a crack at the old blacklight boxcode thing, goin' needlessly
ham with an unforgivingly unwieldy word centipede which deciphers down into
Isn't that a Star Trek thing? Or is this box even more of a frickin' nerd than I am?
Weapon definitely kicks it up a notch though! Check this out, he comes with this massive
mean-ass bazooka as long as his arm, which you can just snap down into a heavingly hardcore
cyberstyle warhammer! I love this so much man, and I love that it's got a bunch of different
handholds.Like, he can wield it with the might of a Thunder God, wear it like a Megatron
gun, or carry it like a briefcase. Tell ya what I'm not crazy about though is the Siege
weapon names. Like, something this mighty deserves a suitably silly macho name, right?
Like the Mangleblaster or the Mjolnironhide.
But what it's actually called is the "W-35".
All right, whatever. Look, it's my house,and you technically
can't stop me callin' it the Smash****er.
Transformation's mostly fairly standard fold-up flip-out fare that peaks with a sensational
vertical tummy rotate! That is the move!
And the alt-mode's a fittingly rugged workaday wedge machine! It's not like super badass
or anything, just a chunky utility vehicle, basically some kinda space minivan. And I'm
okay with it! It definitely works for Ironhide, lookin' ripe with the yellow stripe!
I love the stark shape of it and the no-nonsense vibe, it's very *him*. Definitely a whiff of
Snowcat on the go, and it's got the Siege super-heavy sculpting and... bro, how many
headlights you need? But the the wheels are a bit zestless and rattly, the arms and the
feet are extremely visible and I just hate that he's got his big stupid head right there
in the window. I suppose canonically it's probably fine? It's Cybertron, right? Is
disguise an issue? This is just fast travel mode. But what I mean is it does feel a bit
weird post-Prime Wars to have such an awesome and prominent cockpit with nobody to sit in it.
Also the weapon doesn't integrate super well, but it's Siege, it's not like we're short
a gun or two! You can just hook him up with some hot Cog action or get down with the Sixgun
for the absolute best bit of the whole Siege play pattern, which I've learned is called
or, yes, the COMBAT system! Ohhh nooo!
More like
Trithyllium.
But look, I don't wanna over-snark this, 'cos bottom line, Siege Ironhide makes me really
happy! He's just a good time semi-swole toughnut who shakes off the struggles of old and does
his job tidily with a competently kickass presence! It's, for me, the first mainline
Ironhide to really crush the look, and it's one of the best Siege figures so far, and
they're all pretty great, which I reckon puts it up there as one of the best Transformers
out there right now! You can even sort of scrape out a G1 Diaclone fan mode if that'll
swing it. He's just a bloody good Ironhide you won't regret buyin'hide, and I ain't lyin'hide!
And with that, I might go and grab a steak and kidney pieonhide.
Eyyy! Thanks for watching everybody, and huge shoutouts to John Mulvihill for supporting the show!
Also big shoutouts to Charlie on Twitter for the best opening line that ever
existed! Catch you on the next one!
Be sure to subscribe for more Thew's Awesome Transformers Reviews. Two waves late since 2008.
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