- Hey everybody, it's Tuesday here at katimorton.com
and that means that I'm on Tumblr,
so if you haven't found me on Tumblr,
it's just Kati Morton, that's my blog.
And if you have questions on Tuesdays,
you can ask it using the hashtag KatiFAQ.
I've found some questions, today I have four,
as well as a journal topic so I'm gonna answer those now.
And tomorrow is Wednesday and I will
be on the website katimorton.com.
Go to community, forums, and then questions for Q&A,
and you ask your questions there.
And I'll also be on YouTube so if you have
questions you can ask them below, okay?
Without further ado, question number one.
Kati, I know they say, or, I know,
yeah, I know they say you won't do well in recovery
from an eating disorder if you don't want it,
which makes sense, do we just wait until we're
done and finish to really get help for it?
That's a really good question and that's kind of why
I actually selected this as the first one because
a lot of people do say that, that you actually won't
get better until you really want to get better.
And that is partially true but the fact being that
even if we don't want it and we initially go into
treatment, chances are when you're in there,
you will begin to want it.
Because you'll start to, because they take away all your
control, over food and exercise and stuff like that,
that we can then actually relax for once,
and start to feel for once.
And get help and know it's okay to be stressed
and anxious and worry about the stuff, that it's normal.
And you'll start to like yourself a little more.
And that builds into you being ready to
get help and to get better.
So, yes we have to want it to actually recover
but that doesn't mean we have to wait until we want it
which could be like, when we have a lot of health problems,
or a lot of things could go wrong in order to actually
reach out and go into treatment.
Does that make sense? I know it's kinda confusing.
But if you think you have an eating disorder,
if you're struggling, please, please, please
reach out for help, talk to your doctor,
talk to your therapist, get some support,
find out what level of treatment is right for you.
And trust me, even if you don't want it initially,
you will come around.
And for those of who you have had the experience with this,
leave your questions below.
I know lots of you have told me about this and
I've seen it firsthand my self, let us know
cause it will kind of reassure us to know that
that what I'm saying is actually true, okay?
Question number two,
hey Kati, I'm currently on and sticking to a structured
meal plan but I'm super, super hungry all the time,
all caps,
what do I do?
I have had a lot of clients who have this trouble
and the interesting thing is because we're recovering
from the eating disorder, we like to stick to our meal plan.
And to venture out makes us really nervous.
So I would talk to your dietician or whoever created the
meal plan for you and let them know you're feeling hungry.
To be truthful, each day can be different.
We utilize energy in different ways depending on
what our body needs, and if we're healing because we're
in recovery, we need more energy.
So we're gonna need more food.
And they can add in some extra snacks, or do some add-ons
to your meals, or things that you're already doing
so you don't have to change your schedule.
So that you feel satiated, cause if you read the book
that I always recommend, "The Intuitive Eating Workbook".
I think it might just be called intuitive eating
and that's like a workbook for something.
It tells you to eat when you're hungry and stop when
you're full and get used to feeling what
your body is telling you.
And your body is telling you you're hungry, so
we need to eat a little more.
So talk to the people who helped you create the meal plan
and we'll add in some more energy
so that then you can feel better.
Okay? Great question.
Question number three, how long in a relationship should you
wait to have sex with a boyfriend if you're 17?
I get made fun of for not having sex or doing oral,
sorry if that's TMI, should I just lie?
This was such a great question and this is something
that I haven't really talked much about before
and maybe I should do a Monday video.
IF you think I should do a Monday video, let me know
and don't forget to give this a thumbs up as well
as a plus one if you're on Google Plus.
There's no specific amount of time that
you have to wait to have sex with someone.
My only request of any of my clients,
and even of myself I guess when I was that age
and I was in a serious relationship,
you wanna be in love with a person, that's all.
I just feel if they're committed to you, you trust them,
and you're in love with them as well,
and it's not something that is like against what you
believe or against what you want for yourself,
I don't, I'm not here to tell you when
to have sex or when not to have sex.
I just want to make sure you're ready, you don't
feel pressured, and that when it's over
you don't regret it.
It's an expression of your love to that person.
So that would be my advice as far as that goes.
And take some time, and do some, you know,
self-evaluation, like soul-searching,
journal a little bit about it,
think about your relationship with this person,
do they respect you and the choices you've made?
And if you're not ready, are they okay with that?
And then the, should I just lie?
If people are teasing you that aren't, like in your
relationship, if it's not your boyfriend,
first of all, if it is your boyfriend you should dump him
because he's an asshole, but if it's like a friend,
you can lie or do whatever
but that's not their business, that's what I would say.
I know that I'm an older person now,
and I'm not a teen but even when I was a teen,
I was pretty feisty and I would say something like,
that's not your business anyways.
Do you wanna watch me all day?
Do you wanna know when I have sex?
Cause I don't wanna know what you're doing
and that's your business, you know?
Stand up for yourself, people shouldn't be bullies,
what a bunch of jerks.
Okay, question number four,
I've met numerous therapists about my eating disorder,
one didn't feel that she could handle it,
another did what she could to help me,
another one said she felt that I'd be dealing with it
for the rest of my life, and the one that I'm
currently seeing believes I can overcome it.
I'm not sure what to think, I've had so many mixed messages.
Part of me just feels like,
part of me feels I can and
the other part feels like I can't.
How can I overcome all of these mixed messages? Thank you.
I've heard from many of you that you've had similar
experiences, and I want to just explain
something as briefly as possible.
Some therapists don't work with eating disorders,
just because they don't have the knowledge.
And I always am happy that they'll say,
you know, I don't, I can't handle it, I don't deal with
that, it's not my specialty, whatever, and that is no,
that means no offense to you or what you're struggling with.
It's simply not in our
not within our bank of knowledge I guess.
So part of the ethical portion of being a therapist
or a psychologist or a psychiatrist or whoever,
is that when it's out of our scope of practice,
like what we're knowledgeable about,
we refer out.
So that's actually them being very ethically sound
and making sure you get the care you need, okay?
I wanna just throw that out because I know a lot of people
get that, whether we're struggling with self-harm
or borderline personality disorder or eating disorders
or depression, some people will say,
you know I have someone who'd be better fit for you.
And they're actually doing you favor, okay?
Now the other part about, you'll be dealing with it
the rest of your life, that's a lie.
That's a blatant, flat-out lie.
They clearly don't understand eating disorders,
they clearly don't understand a therapeutic relationship
and are saying things they shouldn't be saying to a client
cause that's just, that's terrible.
That's like going to, if I went to Jana, my therapist,
and I'm like, man I've been really stressed out
and she's like, you're gonna be stressed out for the
rest of your life, Kati, good luck with that.
Why the hell am I seeing her? That's terrible.
I'm sorry cause that's a lie.
That person's a big ol' jerk.
So, we can all overcome anything we're struggling with.
So know that that's the main message.
Write that down somewhere where you'll see it all the time,
when you open up a notebook, when you get out of bed,
I will overcome this, or I'm a fighter.
Or like Demi Lovato, like the stay strong, her tattoos
and whatever you need to do to remind yourself that
we'll get over it, we'll overcome it, right?
We're survivors so let's keep fighting, mkay?
Now, the journal topic.
So my yoga teacher, which I always talk about this
cause she has such great things to say,
but Sadiki was talking today about,
she opened with saying, what's the last thing that
you did that you were proud of?
Like what's your most recent accomplishment?
It could be small, it could be a huge thing.
Like, for me, it would be like finishing my hours
and finally hearing back from BBS and sending off the
last little signed piece of paper and I should hear
from them in a week or so, so I'm super excited, right?
And that's a huge accomplishment,
I've been working on this for like four and a half years,
dios mio, right?
So, what is it?
And even more so, then she was saying,
have you thanked yourself for it?
Have you been grateful to yourself?
Have you treated yourself, have you been nice to yourself
about all the work it took for you to do that thing?
And if not, then she was talking about
how we talk to ourselves.
And she was like, can you imagine if you had a child
and you said to your child, oh yeah, well, you did okay
in that soccer game but you have to try harder next time,
let's wait till next time.
Or if we talked to ourselves,
she pretty much was drawing the correlation between
would you talk to yourself, or would you talk to a child
the way that you talk to yourself?
So think about the, how you talk to yourself,
what messages you tell yourself.
And let's start, maybe if it helps, thinking,
hey, if this was like a little kid me,
would I talk to that little child like that?
Probably not, we tend to be soft and fluffy and warm
when it comes to children so maybe try to be a little
more soft and fuzzy with yourself, okay?
And so, I guess the main question is,
what's the last thing that you were proud of
and what accomplishment that you made?
Was it big, was it small,
what did it mean, why were you proud of it and
how, if you have it, how are you gonna treat
yourself for it and be grateful to yourself for it, okay?
I love you all, I will see you tomorrow.
And like I said, I'll be on the website and YouTube,
so ask your questions there and I will find them.
Okay, bye!