What happens when 800 of the world's most elite footballers
and their managers live together under one roof?
Players stop being polite
and start getting Re-al.
This is
The Champions.
I’m so excited to make a big difference at Bayern…
maybe this season we can beat Barca 9-2.
-It took a bribery scandal to get Harry Maguire on the front page.
Me? All it took was a haircut.
-I never cheated on my Italian citizenship test.
PRODUCER: Are you reading that off a paper?
-No!
-(Grunts)
-Well, that's a bit odd.
-Everyone's been curious about my incredible man management
of Christian Pulisic.
Well, I kind of told him a lie...
as a form of motivation! Haha but no, I'm definitely manipulating him.
Ok, ok...I told Christian if he played really well this season
I could maybe get him a job in the Queen's Secret Service.
-What?! Why would you do this?
-Beg your pardon. Forgot to knock.
Being a secret agent is totally awesome.
I get to do one-liners and climb around in the air vent, plus,
Chelsea has so much money to burn,
they bought me, like, all these cool new gadgets!
Haha!
-Alright lads, everybody on the coach!
-Spy! Take the mask off! -Get off me!
-What did you do with Frank?!
-Stop it!
Oh, that is you. Hey, Frank!
-I fear Christian’s taken the spy bit a bit too far.
If I’m to get him back onside, I’ll have to call in the big guns.
Hello, Jose. No, sorry, no time to talk right now.
Um, may I have Zlatan's number, please?
-Yeah, boy.
Pulisic. Christian, Pulisic.
Huh?
Zlatan?
(Gasp) Ibrahimovic!!!
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
Zlatan! I got your note about the secret mission!
-Shhh. Be cool, be cool.
Ok, here is the stupid backstory:
Someone is kidnapping footballers and turning them into...
human trophies!!
-(Gasp) Oh my god.
-There he is! Grab him!
-I've said too much! Run!
-Hey! Leave him alone!
We were in the middle of a conversation!
-Ooo, fresh meat!
-How bout a taste of this Hershey CHOPlet!
-Don't bother following us, Christian.
You'll never find us at our evil lair
located on Roman Abramovich's yacht,
which is the only boat in the harbor, 100 meters that way.
-Dang it, they got away!
Gosh. Now I’ll never find their evil lair.
Hmmm, where could it possibly be?
-The boat! They’re on the boat, man.
-I bet they’re on the boat.
-(Yelling)
Oh wow, the Zlatan statue.
They must have fixed it.
Nose is a little small, though.
-No, I've been turned into a trophy, you idiot!
-Shh, trophies don't talk.
-(Laughing)
-Congratulations, ding-dong.
You found me.
-Sergio Ramos?!
-Who else?
No, seriously, who else would be the bad guy?
-I'm gonna stop you!
-Well, you can either stop me
or save your friends!
-Please, save us.
-Yes, we are so scared.
-The choice is yours, Mr. Pulisic!
-Hmmm. My friends? Or Sergio Ramos?
My friends? Or Sergio Ramos?
My friend-
-Bruv! You can do both, just get a move on.
-Right!
Hang in there, chaps.
I'll get you down!
-Wait, don't-
-Gee. Thanks, Christian. You saved us.
-Hasta la vista, baby!
Your Majesty?
-Oh, gasp! Save me, Mr. Pulisic!
-Let the Queen go, Sergio Ramos!
-(Shouting)
-Alright, alright! I'm going, jeez.
What an overreaction, this guy.
-Oh! Thank you, Agent 10.
You really gave it 110 percent.
Terrific, a proper spy job.
But that must have been very stressful and overwhelming.
Hmmm?
Enough to make you never want to be a spy again?
-Are you kidding? I'm just getting started.
C'mon, give me another mission!
Give me another mission!
Anything! Anything!
-I now realize my lie has sent Christian
down a dangerous path of self-delusion.
Welp, there's only one way to sort this:
with an even bigger lie.
Alright, one more mission.
I need you to go undercover as a Chelsea footballer.
So deep under cover that you'll never speak
of being a spy ever again.
Ever. Got it?
-Oohhh that is so smart!
I mean, I don't get it at all,
but it sounds really smart.
-There must've been an easier way to do this.
-Last one to training’s a rotten egg!
-Hope there’s no lasers in there!
Right?
Please, Christian.
-Ha! Don't worry, that's all behind me.
I'm just a regular ole football player guy now.
-Splendid!
-Good show, Agent Pulisic.
You’ve made Britain proud.
And Frank doesn't suspect a thing.
-And he never will.
Oi! If you enjoyed this jolly good show,
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Cheerio!