in today's video, we're going to be exploring how addicts and alcoholics
manipulate their families (and in general all the people around them). For those of
you don't know me, I'm Amber Hollingsworth a Master Addiction
Counselor, and I've been in dealing with addicts and alcoholics for the last 15
years. So, you know what that means? it means I've seen a lot of manipulation
over those years. This video is actually part one of a five-part series, so make
sure you check out all five videos. This topic of manipulation is so big we
definitely couldn't fit it into just one video.
I'm going to break down the forms of manipulation into five different
categories for you. Today's category is called hiding behind mental health
problems. Now this is a sticky area, so make sure you stick around for
the whole video, because you might even get to hear some real-life personal stories.
I think I'll call them expert witnesses. So the idea of mental health and
addiction is a little bit of a sticky topic, because it is super gray. And, when
I say addicts and alcoholics hide behind mental health problems, I'm not saying
that they don't have mental health problems. I'm saying that they hide
behind it. (as a way to avoid dealing with the addiction). We almost always see some
form of this. For example, many kids say..." I'm just smoking weed because I'm anxious".
Or husbands who say... "I'm only drinking because I'm so stressed at work".
The worst part is, family members actually play right into it. So, if you're a family
member ,and you're watching this video, listen up the reason it's so tempting
for family members to fall for this. It's because you're dealing with someone who
who looks like they have a lot of mental health issues. They can look like they
have a personality disorder, they can look like they're bipolar (for sure), and
I guarantee they're struggling with some anxiety, and probably depression too.
Chas: Like, one morning like after my mom found the weed, she came in the room and
she woke me up. and said: "Chas, I just had a realization. I was
running on the treadmill downstairs, and like I looked over and I saw that shirt
and it just hit me. You' are a drug dealer! That's your drug dealing shirt". And I was
like... "no, all my clothes are my drug-dealing clothes." Amber: You said it or you thought it? Chas: "that's what I was think
I ended up using and the fact that they caught me smoking weed as a way to get Vyvanse and Adderall. [both of these are stimulant medications]
Because I was like I'm smoking weed because I think I have ADD, and it helps
me concentrate and slows down my thoughts,. I ended up
working my way up to 70 milligrams of Vyvanse, and then three times a day I
would take ten mg's of the Dextrostat [also a stimulant].
Amber: Yeah, plus the cocaine, and the weed, and the drinking. Chas: and like occasionally like Xanax [Benzodiazipine]
Amber: So the outward symptoms really do look
like mental health issues. Sometimes, they are having mental health issues.
(in addition to the addiction. But, Don't be fooled. It is NOT a reason
to continue abusing drugs and alcohol. Maybe they're telling you it's my only
way of coping, or it's the only thing that makes me feel better. I promise you...
Abusing drugs and alcohol may feel to the person like it helps temporarily
make some symptoms better, but I guarantee you, whatever that mental
health condition is... it's doing nothing but making it worse. Addicts and
alcoholics love to let you go down this rabbit hole, because it means they
can get off the hook, they can get you off their back, by going to visit their
physician a(nd getting a medicine prescribed). You'll be off their back for
another 60 days, as you wait in hopes to see if this medicine is going to work or
not. Now sometimes addicts and alcoholics
actively know exactly what they're doing. They know they're just sort of leading
you down this trail as a distraction to get you off their case for a while. And,
other times addicts and alcoholics are actually just tricking themselves into
believing this, because it can feel like the substance when you're using it is
actually making things better. This is because people feel a tiny bit of relief in the
the moment (when you have that substance), but then you feel worse afterward. So it
feels like the drug is helping the symptoms, when in actuality
what they're often feeling better from is withdrawal from that substance. This is
is exactly how people get trapped in the cycles of addiction. David: Being submerged in
the lifestyle of selling drugs in order to buy my drugs...
I was living in a world that breeds anxiety. It breeds depression and breeds
fear. (from things like getting mugged or being on the cops radar or getting caught by the
Georgia Bureau of Investigation. it would just instill a lot of fear of me.
It turned me into this recluse, into this guy who was scared of the world, and
not just situational. I think the drugs played a big part in what was going
on in my brain, as well. For a year I became this person who was
scared to leave his apartment, who was scared to drive. I completely shut
everyone out of my life. There was even a period of time where I
wouldn't even look at my mom. I didn't even want to look her in the eyes. I
don't know if I was ashamed of myself or what. I'm sure that had a part to do with it.
Mostly just scared of judgment, and not being good enough, and
being alone. I remember a time where she would have to like go get food for me
and drop it off. There were some days where I couldn't even open the door for
her. She'd have to like leave it at the doorstep. I'd look out of my blinds, and wait
till she left, and then as soon as she did, I would go get the food and eat. I was just that scared.
Amber: Okay, now listen I absolutely
believe that you must treat mental health conditions when treating someone
that has an addiction issue. They go hand in hand, and often times it is an
underlying reason why someone is continuing to use. And, if you don't treat
it, chances that they're gonna stay sober or about this big. So, you have to pay
attention to it, but you can't hide behind that mental health issue
as a way to not address the addiction. Because I don't care how much counseling
you get, how many medications you take ,if you go to the fanciest newest research
center out there, you are not going to get better as long as you are abusing
drugs and alcohol. It's very important the order in which you treat these
things. You have to get the addiction stabilized and then you can get in there
and address those mental health concerns. So stop going down that rabbit hole. It's
not going to lead you anywhere. First things first. You've got to address
the addiction. The best way to understand it is to hear it from
somebody who's actually been there. Amber: the way you describe you're used to me I
it's not like a high school experimentation or having fun in college.
I mean it was like full-out. Andrew: Totally out of control. Amber: We're not
talking about like ...I smoked some weight here and there. We're talking about you
could have definitely been diagnosed with full alcohol
dependence in high school. Andrew: Yeah okay yeah for sure. Amber: If your
parents are here now, and I interviewed them about it , what would they say?
Andrew: [parents would say] We did not know what to do with that kid. Amber: okay so do you think they knew
something was up, they just didn't know what? Andrew: Yeah because I think towards the
end, by like senior year in college, I end up in a psych ward every eight
months (or once a year or something). Amber: That's a pretty good sign.
Andrew: then I get medicated, and try to take that regularly. Drinking would catch up.
Amber: And so your family and your friends just thought you're depressed. Andrew: yeah yeah
Amber: Is that what you thought too? Andrew: oh yeah for sure.
Yeah, and there's no anxiety like waking up in the morning after seven to
twelve days of heavy heavy drinking. Amber: Oh, you're crazy. Andrew: nobody's gonna tell me that
I'm not anxious, because I'm about to flip out, you know. Amber: Right. Probably coming out of your skin.
Andrew: And also, it's like... I'm gonna make you... you don't
understand my pain, so I'm gonna educate you. Amber:
You definitely are gonna want to
check out Andrews's story, because this was exactly the case in his situation.
You can see how Andrews alcoholism got worse and worse and worse, And, how he hid
behind the mental health concerns, which is exactly what was keeping him sick. It
wasn't until he addressed the addiction, that he could even have a chance at
dealing with this depression and anxiety. So make sure you watch Andrews video,
because it's the perfect example of exactly what I'm talking about. And don't
forget this is only part one of a five-part series. If you want to make
sure addiction does not destroy your life (or your family), make sure you SUBSCRIBE
and hit the bell, and I'll make sure you have the tools, strategies, and supports
to pull that off.