-Welcome back. -Thank you very much.
-Happy belated birthday. You just had one.
-Yes, I did. -All right.
-And, yeah, now I'm getting to the age
where I don't want to talk about birthdays.
-Gotcha. Do you feel like you're getting jaded as you get older?
-I am. Yeah, I am getting a little bit more jaded.
You know, I don't take things as serious as I should, I guess.
-Yeah. -But I've become more jaded,
as far as Hollywood and working and stuff like that.
-Oh, that's good. -Yeah, yeah.
That happens as you become older.
-Yeah, more refined. -Yeah.
Like, I was doing this TV show. It's called "No Activity."
It's on CBS streaming, which it's a great show.
Please, try to watch it if you get a chance.
[ Laughter ]
Because I have, you know, child-support payments.
Stuff like that. [ Laughter ]
But when we were shooting the show,
we did a scene where we were downtown in L.A.,
and the scene was supposed to be me on my back on the ground.
I had just fallen off of a building.
And so after I got out of my trailer
and they took me to the set, and they said,
"You're gonna be laying on the ground here,"
I went, "Oh, okay, great.
Is this dirt -- Did we put this dirt here?
Is this Hollywood dirt?"
[ Laughter ] Show biz?
And the crew guy, he was just like, "Hollywood dirt?"
[ Laughter ] "What is that?"
I go, "You know, like, dirt that we have,
that's like clean dirt."
[ Laughter ]
He was like, "No, this is downtown L.A. dirt.
There's probably rat, you know, droppings in the dirt
you're getting ready to lay in, so good luck."
[ Laughter ]
-Your boys are, what, 16 and 18?
-Yeah, yeah. -And athletes, play basket--
You coached a basketball team this year?
-Yes. Well, not this year.
Like, a couple years ago. -Gotcha.
-Yeah. -And did you enjoy that?
-I did. You know, it was weird,
because I don't know if you ever coached your kids or whatever...
-They're too young. They're uncoachable.
[ Laughter ] Yeah.
-Well, my kids was actually -- they were coachable.
But it was weird, because I'd never done it before.
So, like, the very first game --
Like, I did a practice with them,
sort of taught them some basketball plays and stuff.
And then, the very first game, they were playing,
and they were down by like 2 points.
And I was on the sideline, and I was going, like,
"Man, their coach should call time-out or something."
And I was like, "Oh, wait, that's me.
I'm the coach. Time-out, time-out!"
[ Laughter ]
But it turned out to be very fun and --
You know, like, if you're the parent of one of the players,
you don't want to favor them.
You want to treat them equally.
But my son Julian was a very good player,
and we played the championship --
We got to the championship.
And this was at the Boys and Girls Club, not NBA.
Don't get me wrong. [ Laughter ]
But there was -- We got to the championship game.
The team showed up to the game, and they were all sweaty.
And I said, "What were you guys doing?"
And they said, "Oh, we were playing basketball
in the alley." And I'm like,
"No, you're supposed to be playing basketball now."
[ Laughter ]
"You have a championship game."
Like, the Golden State Warriors,
they don't go and play the Pistons for an hour..."
[ Laughter ]
"...then they go play game 7." -Right.
-And so we got into the game,
and they started losing 'cause they were tired.
The other kids were hot, and, you know, they were winning.
And then, I had to put the kids who weren't that good in,
which, you know, that's just how it is.
Some kids aren't that good. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-And so I had to put those guys in to sort of cover
until the good kids could get some rest.
And then, I kept my son in, and then my son got hot.
-Yeah. -Julian, he stole the ball,
took it down court, laid it up like Gervin --
You know, like George Gervin, like, finger-rolled it in.
And I was like, "Okay." I'm not going to point out
that he's doing better than everybody else.
I'm like, "Good job, young man, keep going," you know.
Next time, somebody else steals the ball, passes it to him.
He can go in for another layup, but he stops back,
does like a Steph Curry, goes beyond the 3-point --
boom, 3 points. Put us up.
I didn't want to be too proud, but when he came down the court,
this time I was like, "Yeah, down here, baby.
Down here." [ Laughter ]
"Yeah. That's my boy!
That is my boy!" [ Cheers and applause ]
I could not keep it in. -That's great.
Nor should you. -I know.
And then, when it was all over, we won.
They gave us these little medals and stuff,
which is like the only award I've ever won.
[ Laughter ]
Like, a Boys and Girls Club basketball necklace.
But we got in the car with my son and he was very --
you know, he was happy and stuff.
And I just tapped him on the shoulder and I go,
"You know what? You won this that game for us.
You did that.
You did that on your own, and I'm really proud of you."
-I could not do that without sobbing.
I would've sobbed. If the day comes that I ever
get to say something that nice, I would just break down.
-Dude, I was so proud of those guys,
'cause they played so hard.
And I literally -- I was, like, up all night.
I was so full of adrenaline.
I'm, like, calling people, "Hey, guess who won
the Boys and Girls Club basketball...?"
-Like, "Hold on. I'm gonna text you a picture of my medal."
[ Laughter ]
-And then, I put the medal around my rearview mirror
in my car, you know. -That's great.
-And it would just hit the windshield
'cause it was so heavy. [ Laughter ]
I was like, "I don't care. I'm so happy."
-This is great. "Schooled" is wonderful.
This is a spin-off of "The Goldbergs."
-Yeah. -You play a principal.
-Yes. -Do you enjoy that?
Is it a role you enjoy? -I enjoy all roles.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-But, yes, I enjoy this one quite a bit.
It's fun to do. I'm -- You know, I wasn't --
You know -- I've done a lot of --
You know, people know me from doing "Mean Girls"
and stuff like that, but this guy is, like,
a little bit different. He's a little edgier.
-Yeah. -I don't know where I'm going
with this story. [ Laughter ]
-Well, I want to ask. We're talking about edgier.
Another role you're known for is, of course,
on "SNL," the Ladies Man. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
-I know you've been thinking about trying to reboot
the Ladies Man just to see what life is like for him
in the post-#MeToo era. -Yeah.
I think it would be tough for him.
-Yeah. -'Cause I think he would always
have to retract every statement that he made, you know?
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-So he'd be like -- if he meet a woman in a bar
or something, he'd be like, "Yeah, listen, baby.
I would love to, like, take you out sometime if that's cool.
But, listen, if you have a man or something, I don't want to,
you know, step on anybody toes or anything.
But, yeah, I would really love to get you back to my place
and make love to you.
But, like, in a very nice predictable way.
And, of course, you would have say in our love-making.
You would give me approval, and then I would make the next step,
so, anyway...
I'd like to buy you a drink, if that's okay."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I think we all would like to see that.
-Yeah.
-It's always so great to have you here.
-Thank you, buddy.
-Give it up for Tim Meadows, everybody.