Dating can be awkward enough as it is. But when you throw different cultures and social
norms into the mix, awkward could become the least of your worries.
Hey everyone! Dana here, and you're watching Wanted an Adventure Living Abroad.
I've lived in Europe for 5 years now, and during that time I've done some very, very
unscientific research. I've dated a few guys; I've got German friends who have dated American
guys; I've got American friends who have dated German guys. And from all of that information,
I've put together these differences between dating in America and dating in Germany.
In America, there are a lot of rules surrounding the dating experience. You know, it's generally
expected that the man will ask the woman out on a formal date. "Would you like to go out
with me?" Here in Germany it's not always so cut and dry. You're often not going on
a date so much as you're just hanging out with the person.
With that, since it's not necessarily a formal date, you don't always have to get as dressed up
as you would in America. You can just meet after work in whatever clothes you wore to work.
Okay, maybe that depends on what your job is.
With this laid-backness, also comes the informality about kissing, holding hands, having sex.
There's not so many rules about oh, it has to be the third date that we have sex or
oh, we can't hold hands on the first date. It's just whatever you feel comfortable with;
you and the other person obviously. If you want to hold hands on the first date, then hold
hands on the first date. Also, if you go on a date in America, 99.9% of the time I would
say, it's expected that the man will cover the meal. Here it's not so certain. And I
would say that most of the time the people split the bill. The server will even ask you--the
server won't just come and put the bill on the table. The server will come and say, "Separate
or together?" And most of the time, I would say, the answer is separate. So if you are
a female and you come to Germany and you go on a date with a German guy, you better bring
some money, and you better be ready to pay for your own meal.
And also, you better be ready to get yourself to and from the date. If you live in a city,
at least, like Berlin, Hamburg, Frankfurt, Munich, you will probably not be picked up
in a car by your date, but rather you'll just meet at the restaurant, and the way that you
will get there would probably be public transportation or if you want to pay for it, a taxi. And
after the date, don't expect your date to somehow get you home. You need to have money
to get yourself home.
Dating in Germany tends to be a lot more laid-back than dating in America. Now of course this
is a generalization. And when I'm talking about it being more laid-back, I'm talking
specifically about in the age range of teens, twenties, and I would say even early thirties.
I've noticed that once people get into their mid-thirties and on dating gets more formal.
Also I'm sure that social class plays some sort of a roll here; I'm talking about
"normal earning" people. I'm not talking about polo players or the people that own the Oktoberfest
tents in Munich. I'm just talking about normal, everyday German people.
In general, dating seems to be more laid-back than in America.
The problem with my research is that all of my research came from the female perspective.
So I can say that this is how an American feels when she dates a German man. But I really
don't have any information on an American guy dating a German female. Now I've told
you that it's a lot more laid-back here, so if an American guy comes over here to Germany
and brings with him the social norms of chivalry and paying for everything, will he sweep the
German woman off of her feet, or will the German woman feel uncomfortable? Of course
this is on a case by case basis, as everything is.
So my question today is two-fold. I want to know, wherever you live, what are some of
the dating norms there? Is there anything that you would say stands out to you as odd
or different, unique; something different from what you'd see in the movies. I want
to hear in the comments below. Please let me know. And secondly, I want to know are
there any American guys out there living in Germany who have dated German women, what's
your experience? Please let me know also in the comments below.
Thanks so much for watching this edition of Wanted an Adventure Living Abroad.
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and until next time, auf Wiedersehen!