- My husband and I have been married for a year
and we recently started talking about
when we should start trying to get pregnant.
I don't want my kids to be at a daycare,
so we both agreed that we should hire a nanny.
That would be the ideal.
The problem is all this husband nanny stories that I hear
in the tabloids!
(audience members laugh)
So my question is,
if I hire an ugly nanny am I in the clear?
(audience members laugh) (audience members groan)
And how unattractive are we talking?
(audience members laugh)
(audience continues laughing)
(audience applauding)
- You know, if only it was that simple,
you know, the nanny thing's a real thing.
I've done a lot of divorces
that are caused by what I call in the book,
"the nanny fascination."
And what it is,
is a nanny, is a woman who's a lot-
usually for a husband-
like the wife was when he met her, right?
She's a little younger,
she's got a life outside of the house, you know,
that she goes to,
she's not familiar with him,
she might even be impressed with him
because she sees him every day.
You know, she doesn't see him every day
but she has some time away from him, right?
So there's a certain in independence that she has.
Plus the kids like her, you know,
that's sort of a function of the nanny.
And the husband gets to be in charge of the nanny
in a way that he's not in charge of his wife.
And the relationship because of that
is really, really simple.
So I would say do your best to keep the difference
between you and the nanny
as small as possible.
And that's great for you too
because that's gonna get you out there,
that's gonna get you remembering who you are,
and having the difference between you and that nanny
be totally disinteresting.
And remember, you're the one your husband fell in love with.
You know,
you're the one who has an advantage over the nanny
any day of the week.
- Thank you. (audience applauds and cheers)
- Let me give you another way
you could look at this, probably.
(audience members laugh)
You gonna need a nanny
if you don't want to lose your career.
So this is what I would do,
I would hire your aunt Yocinda,
(audience members laugh)
aunt Rita,
big Aunt Rita.
You just want a big,
a large relative
(audience members laugh)
in your house watching the baby.
Relatives, you can trust 'em.
They have a vested interest,
they're related to the child.
And that...
hire her!
- I'll do that, thank you!
(audience applauds)
- We've got Nico.
Nico's thinking about popping the question.
Nico, what's holding you back?
- Hey, how's it going guys?
(audience applauds)
So my girlfriend and I have been together
for about nine months now.
She's awesome,
I love her,
we're both happy.
Our relationship is so healthy, it's amazing.
And so now I think I'm ready
or if I should be ready to take the next step
in proposing to her.
Like I said, I love her to death.
And it's not that I have doubts about us or her,
it's just that the divorce rates these days are terrible.
My parents defied the odds of that
and they're still together
and they're happy
and I want that.
Is there a safe way to do this
before I walk down the aisle?
- I mean, I'll give you good news and bad news.
The good news is
you've got a great relationship role model in your parents,
right?
They're happily married.
So you have to have picked some habits up along the way,
you know, of watching their relationship
and how they interact with each other.
So they've given you a real gift with that, okay?
The bad news is this-
marriage is like the lottery.
You're probably not going to win, okay?
But if you win, what you win is so-
- Boy, you hurt a lot of women with that one.
It was, women went, "what?!"
(audience members laugh)
- But here's the thing.
Here's the thing.
If you win, what you win is so good, okay,
that it's absolutely worth buying a ticket.
It's absolutely worth giving it a chance.
(audience applauds)
- [Steve] Yeah.
I agree with everything he said.
Here's what young people never incorporate
in the decision to get married.
See the reason it's bliss right now,
you don't have any bills together,
you don't have any children together,
you ain't got a mortgage together.
You have none of the problems of real life yet.
You've gotta incorporate that into your thinking
because it is going to happen.
Marriage is work. It's work, man!
There's gonna be days you wish
you had never met this person.
(audience members laugh)
It's gonna be days you go, "what the hell was I thinking?"
(audience members laugh)
Because, man, you gonna get some bills and some kids
and the game changes,
but you can grow with the person with communication.
But just hang in there, man.
Yeah.
(audience members laugh)
'Cause you going to get married.
(audience applauds)
Yeah, you gone.
I can see it on your face, you're gone.
Hey folks, listen,
"If You're in my Office, It's Already Too Late"
comes out April 10th
and Holt Publishing
is giving everybody in our studio audience a free copy!
(audience cheering and clapping)
Folks, a big hand for James Sexton!
- I've been married for eight years
and I love my family more than anything,
but I feel like I'm constantly working.
I work all day at my job.
I get home,
I have to go pick up my daughter from school,
I take her to ballet,
and I make them dinner,
and I get them ready for school the next day.
And by the end of the day, I'm extremely exhausted.
My husband's a really good man,
but sometimes I feel trapped and tired.
Do you have any advice?
- The fact that you're in touch with that feeling
and you're open enough about it
to in a room full of people, to say it, is tremendous.
And that puts you a step ahead of most people
because most people in your situation,
and I guarantee there are other women in this room
who feel the same way as you
because being a mom is incredibly hard work.
It's the hardest job, you know?
(audience applauds)
And being a good partner to another person
is a really hard job
whether it's a husband or a wife, right?
So you've got a lot of jobs.
So here's what I'd say to you, a couple things.
Take a cue from divorced people, okay?
There not a lot of good things about being divorced
but one of the things that's good about being divorced
is divorced people have time with their children
and they have time away from their children.
Okay?
They have their children for the weekend
and then their children go to the other person, maybe,
for the weekend
or at least they have a night
where the other partner takes their kids out for dinner
and they have a night to themselves, okay?
You can make that happen in your day-to-day life.
Divorced people shouldn't have all the fun
when it comes to that, okay?
(audience applauds)
And I'm not talking about doing a girl's night out
once every three months
where you go out and you let your hair loose.
That's a great thing; there's a place for that.
But, you know, if I didn't work out ever
and then I went to the gym for six hours one day,
it's not helping.
(Steve laughs) - [Steve] Right.
It's not gonna...
you know, if you do 20 minutes a day a couple days a week,
it's gonna make a big difference.
So what I'd say is work...
and you said your husband's a good man, right?
- Yeah, a really good man.
- And so if he's a good man, he wants to support you,
he wants to be there,
he wants you to be the best you you can be,
the woman he fell in love with.
So what you might want to say to him is,
"look on Wednesday nights I need you to do the homework,
I need you to do the dinner with the kids,
and I'm gonna go down to the coffee shop down the street
with that magazine that came that I've been dying to read
when the kids went to bed,
but I ended up falling asleep before them.
It can just be going someplace for an hour
and just being yourself.
And trust me,
if your husband's the good man that you said he is,
when when you come back refreshed
and you come back feeling good,
he's gonna be thrilled.
He's gonna be happy.
(audience applauds)
- Thank you.
- [James] One hundred percent.
- [Steve] I like that.
Alright. Where's Morgan?
You have a money question?
(Morgan laughs)
- Yeah. Hi.
So my last boyfriend threw money around like crazy.
He had a fancy car,
he wore only designer clothes,
He wined and dined me at all the fanciest restaurants,
the most expensive restaurants in town,
and it was really fun for a while
until I found out that he was deeply in debt
and was living off of credit cards
and my credit got badly damaged in the process.
Now I've been with a new guy
and it's starting to get serious
and he's building his business
and so he's moving from the ground up
and I really believe in him.
I believe he's going to be successful.
But I am a little nervous,
and I'm wanting to know
how I can protect myself in a relationship
where money is concerned.
- You know, other than cheating,
money issues are the major reason why people split up.
That's why people end up in my office.
So I will definitely say to you
that it's great your radar is up about that stuff
and that you're paying attention.
If it's a new enough relationship, now's the time.
It's like the engaged couple, you know,
now's the time to start these good habits.
Think about if when you first bought a car,
from the day you bought it,
you did all the preventative maintenance
the mechanics told you to do.
That car, you could have that car forever, right?
- Yeah.
- [James] So early in this relationship,
while he's starting his business,
while you're starting this partnership together,
before you're married,
before you move in,
before you have the stress that comes with kids
and a mortgage
and all those other things,
now's the time to start having
financial conversations with him.
Now's the time to say to him...
tell him that story.
Tell him what happened.
Tell him that you were burned by this other person.
And maybe explain to him that,
"listen, I'm more impressed right now
by stability and responsibility,
that's sexier to me than flashy cars."
- Yeah! Yeah it is.
- [James] You know?
- Yeah.
- It's also gonna show him
that he can share with you
and talk to you openly about money
and talk to you openly about his money stresses
and your joint partnership.
It's so much easier to keep things on track
than for things to go completely off-track
and then try to drag him back the other way.
- [Steve] Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, thank you.
- [James] That's a real partnership.
- Thank you very much, James, again.
- Thanks Steve- - Great segment.