Hey.
It's Clayton Olson.
And in this video, I'm gonna talk about the importance of really getting in touch with
your intention when you are dating and entering into relationship, so you can avoid heartbreak
resentment and compromising yourself and ultimately destroying any foundation of respect that's
being built.
And in order to communicate this idea clearly, I'm gonna read a question that I received
from one of you, one of my viewers, that came from a woman we're gonna call her Sandy to
protect her identity.
She says, “Clayton thank you so much for the inspiration and motivation.
I really appreciate your videos.
They reflect many factors of my life as far as the special man is concerned.
We do have a connection however we are not committed to each other.
And he's coming out of a breakup of a 5-year relationship and trying to overcome it.
I for one have been very patient, very loyal, and I'm very open to him.
And whether he will exploit it or welcome it is up to him, what I need to know from
you Clayton is what do I do in the meantime?
I don't want to put any pressure on him to commit.
Kind regards.”
Alright so whenever we're in this type of situation and you are interacting with a man
or if you're man watching this, and you are interacting with a woman, it's important to
pay close attention to where you are creating subtle covert contracts with the person you're
dating.
What I mean is are you giving to get?
Are you giving your attention?
Are you giving your presence?
Are you giving your time?
Because what you're hoping that will happen in the future is that this person will then
give you what you’re ultimately wanting.
Now if that's what you are doing you are actually setting yourself up to be exploited in taken
advantage of, especially if the person that you are giving to is being honest about where
they're at and they're in line with their integrity.
If you are listening to that but you're still giving, and you are giving not from a place
of being an authentic expression right, not from it being a place of “I'm actually giving
because I'm enjoying the moment,” ”I'm actually giving because I enjoy who I am as
I'm giving,” “I'm enjoying connecting,” “I'm enjoying investing in this connection
because it's beautiful just the way that it is,” “I'm not necessarily wanting to change,
I'm enjoying this process.”
If you're not giving from that place and you're giving because you are hoping that it transforms
it and hoping that somehow you change the other person, then you are breeding a perfect
territory for resentment and you compromising yourself to come into being.
See relationships and connections come in all shapes and sizes and this man in particular
is telling you that he's out of a breakup and he's trying to overcome it.
He's being clear where he is in terms of his emotions and how much he can give.
And if he is letting you know that he's not in can't be in anything serious right now,
it's really important to listen to him and then adjust your behavior to be in line with
if this is all that he can give and this is all that it turns into is “us having a good
time connecting and being with each other,” then what is the proportionate amount of generosity
that will allow me to respect myself and maintain my values and my integrity to give in the
moment?
And for every single woman for every single man it's gonna be different right.
It's gonna be depend on your value system.
It's gonna depend on what you're comfortable with.
It's gonna depend on what you feel is in line with you being your best self in this dynamic.
With this man in particular, coming out of a breakup, it's important to make sure that
you're not looking for him or looking to him to be protecting you from yourself.
Meaning protecting you and drawing the boundaries around where you should not be giving and
where you should be giving because chances are he's incredibly confused coming out of
a 5-year relationship is no small feat.
And someone's identity who they think they are, how they operate in the world is disintegrated
and it's reintegrating on the other side of this breakup.
And chances are if he doesn't really know who he is right now as he's coming out of
this and he's trying to figure that out his attention is not on you and not on whether
you are compromising yourself, it's on him.
It's on what does he want?
What does he feel?
What does he need?
And so, if you can take it into consideration and realize that what you are dealing with
right now is a man who's probably pretty confused and going through his own transformation,
you realize that you can't necessarily be looking to him or blaming him for exploiting
you or for taking advantage of you if he's being honest with where he's at.
It's your job to take responsibility for how much you are giving and making sure that what
you are giving is in line with what you feel comfortable giving if nothing changes.
And it is what it is.
And like I said that where you draw the line on that it's gonna completely depend on your
value system and your connection with this guy.
So that's it for this video, when you are in a relationship or a connection with somebody
who is confused and coming out of a breakup, take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself.
Make sure that you are honoring yourself and that you are not looking for the other person
to be necessarily drawing the boundaries of what they want or don't want because that
could change from day to day based on the process and the transformation that they're
going through with the break-up.
So, this is an opportunity for you to get close to yourself and feel what is in line
with me.
What do I feel comfortable giving?
How can I be my best self in this situation?
And then go from there.
Thank you for watching.
And if you want to get more videos delivered straight to your inbox, subscribe to this
channel by clicking the button below and I look forward to seeing in the next video.