(fork clangs)
- Jen, can you like get your (beep) together?
- Why don't you evacuate my (beep)
Okay, why don't you do that? (laughing)
- I will not, I have paid a security deposit.
(laughing)
(air whooshes) (classical music)
- What's up, Kristin?
- Oh, we're rolling? - We're rolling.
(laughing)
- Hey! - We're rolling.
- It's the Kitchen & Jorn Show.
- It's not the booby show, Jen.
- You don't know that. (laughing)
- Today we are going to be trying every Trader Joe's salad,
of which there are,
- [Both] 22!
- But if we're wrong, sorry, Kelly.
- This number!
- [Both] Right here.
- [Both] Wow!
- Yeah this is all of Trader Joe's pre-made salads,
all of the ones that were available at our Trader Joe's.
What qualified as a salad?
- I decided that something is a salad
if it contains some lettuce.
So we did not include potato salad.
- And we didn't include any of the wraps
or anything like that.
So as you know, these videos, people do them.
See the other videos to watch our disclaimers.
- Are you ready for our first salad?
- Ah, I am pumped.
I'm ready, what is it?
- Our first salad is the baby spinach and greens salad.
- Eww, is that blue cheese?
- Yeah. (disgusted sound)
Do you not like blue cheese?
- I do not like blue cheese.
- Well sorry baby.
- The method that we're gonna be using is
we're each gonna take a little bit of the salad
and then we're gonna take a little bit
of each side piece of the salad
So if there's cheese or nuts we're gonna add those
and then we're just gonna dress it ourselves.
- I want to shake up this little packet.
(funky music)
This kind of looks like unfrozen juice pop
that you get from a ice cream truck.
- Oh yeah.
- You're not even looking.
- Uh huh, oh, it does actually.
(laughing)
- Just a little bit of splersh.
And then do you want a little bit of splersh?
- Yep, thank you.
One, two, three.
I like the dressing.
I love the nuts and the little cranberries.
I would say this is pretty good.
Next!
This is the super spinach salad.
- You didn't even cut it the whole way.
- Oh yeah I didn't, wow.
- Do you need your knife?
- Yeah.
Oh this is a chunky dressing.
- Oohh, that is pungent.
- You know what, this isn't fair.
I don't want to judge it based on the consistency
when I haven't eaten it yet.
- It's gonna be a lot of touching the food and I'm sorry.
Alright you ready? - Yep.
- Charge.
A little too sour, a little bit too veggie-heavy.
Not really something that is like,
"Uh, I'm here to make your salad good."
Which I understand it's a hard battle to win.
- [Jen] I think this is just okay.
- [Kristin] It's just okay.
- Field fresh chopped salad with grilled white chicken.
I do like a good chopped salad usually.
There's no dressing included with this one.
- [Kristin] Yeah it's right here.
It's just hiding under a lettuce leaf.
- Oh.
- Trying to construct one bite for each of these salads
is actually quite difficult.
- Yeah.
- Ready? - Yep.
I actually really like the texture of israeli couscous.
I feel like the asiago cheese is an interesting choice.
It's a kind of mild salad with a tangy dressing.
- [Kristin] I think this is pretty good.
I wonder if we're gonna rate
any of these salads really great.
- I don't know, I feel like where she went,
"Mm, it's an okay salad."
- For me to call a salad really great
means it must be a Mount Olympus type salad.
- Mediterranean style orzo pasta salad.
Spinach so it is a salad by our criteria.
- Lets do it.
Listen it's mostly pasta so it does
have a little bit of an advantage.
- Mm hmm.
- It's hard not to grade on a curve.
- The flavor's all kind of mushed together for me.
- Yeah.
- And the textures all ran together.
It's just okay.
- Oh really?
- Yeah, so I feel like it's just okay.
- [Kristin] You know what, I think this is just okay.
- Get me the other salad.
- Southwest salad.
I feel like a lot of people are just like,
"Southwest, it has corn and beans."
I'm working on it.
- Pick up the pace.
- You pick up the pace.
- Pick up the pace.
- You pick up the pace!
(screaming)
- It tastes kind of like a meatless Taco Bell taco.
- Just have a taco.
- I would like one right now.
- I mean listen, we could change this video.
- [Both] Southwest salad is just okay.
- I've been putting off this salad
because I don't want to eat it.
- Oohh caesar.
Caesar salads are honestly
one of the most popular salads in America.
They're one of my favorite salads.
- They're one of the most popular salads in my mouth.
- In my mouth.
- What kind of lettuce is this?
- I mean part of the thing about the pre-packaged salads
is that you lose a little bit of freshness.
You still don't want your lettuce to be damp and lifeless.
- It's romaine.
- Yes.
- You're doing a lot of wind up for what is
ostensibly a grocery store caesar salad.
- Yeah well we'll see if it actually means anything.
- It won't.
I don't like caesar salads in general.
I really don't like grocery store caesar salads.
Why are salads so hard to eat?
It's like, meet me halfway.
It's fine, I'm sorry.
Let's not pretend like every salad
deserves a participation trophy.
- So what do you think, just okay?
- [Kristin] It's just okay.
- I'll be eating you later.
- Do you say that to all your dates?
- Yeah.
(laughing)
- It's a harvest--
It's a harvest salad with grilled chicken.
I got it. - I got it.
- It's a harvest salad with grilled chicken.
- Is that the whole title?
- Yes, I know how to read.
Why do they make us search for the dressing?
Ah.
- Escapee.
- [Kristin] The new fragrance by Jen.
- Damn this is gonna be one hefty bite
because we have to get a piece of hard boiled egg.
- Oh my god, I'm so mad that I have to eat green beans.
My two least favorite vegetables are
definitely green beans and asparagus.
Wow I'm way behind.
Sorry, this is taking me so long.
- What is happening?
- I just, I don't want to do this.
- I will say because we're just eating bites of salad
this is definitely the best I've felt
during a Trader Joe's video.
- Yeah usually by this point we're both like,
"Well, this was a mistake."
- Okay.
Kind of reminds me of lavender
but I know that that's not in here.
The dressing is really sour.
- Uhhh.
- The fat from the egg is complimented by the dressing.
- I hate it.
And to answer your question,
yes there is a little bit of lavender in there.
- Okay yeah.
The harvest salad with grilled chicken,
- [Both] Penalty box bad.
- On a sweeter note,
we have the mozzarella and tomato salad.
- Okay.
(beeping) Okay.
(beeping) - And we never--
- We never ate the salad and the video was over.
Can I help you? - Okay.
- I don't know what's happening but this is crazy.
- Okay. - Why are there
more olives than tomatoes?
- I love olives.
- Tomatoes are a headliner.
I think that the olives bring this entire salad down.
However, if you like olives,
and I know some of you out there love olives,
I would say this is pretty good.
I don't want to do this one.
Lemon chicken and arugula salad.
- Oohh, I love arugula.
- This dressing is an interesting color.
I would describe this color as carrot.
- There's cranberries in here too.
- What? Are you sure those aren't olives?
- Yes those are cranberries.
- I get so annoyed when olives show up.
It's like who asked you?
Alright, let's do it.
- Arugula is so good.
- You're talking about the arugula?
- Yes!
- It's like seeing a piece of art and being like,
"I love the frame."
I know I was poo-pooing the dressing earlier
but it turns out the real poo-poo is me.
- Lemon chicken and arugula salad.
- [Both] Is really great.
- Evacuate my (beep)
- You have to stop saying that.
I'm gonna be saying that all weekend.
- Yeah have fun.
- I'm just gonna call you at 3am
and just whisper it into the phone.
- Whatever, I use Do Not Disturb.
(laughing)
- [Kristin] Cobb salad.
- The one downside of the fact that these salads
aren't making us taste like (beep)
is that I can't make us take
regular 15 minute breaks from shooting.
- You're saying the salads aren't
making us taste like (beep)?
- Feel like (beep)
- You said taste like (beep)
- I didn't.
Run the tape back.
These salads aren't making us taste like (beep)
Whatever. (laughing)
Everyone can evacuate my (beep)
Can I use some carrot and ba-con?
- There's pecan in this?
- No it's ba-con.
- I think it's bacon.
- Uncured ba-con.
- You're just saying it strangely.
- Yeah.
Good thing I have a giant mouth.
- You do, we learned that.
It's sort of a breakfast sandwich on lettuce.
- Which is very but not something I want.
I think the cobb salad is just okay.
- [Kristin] Yeah I think it was just okay.
Lemon basil pasta salad.
It was in the salad section.
I am counting it as a salad.
- I am surprised there are peas in that.
That's unusual.
- Why would you do that?
Alright, let's eat.
- The problem with these pasta salads is that
it doesn't taste as advertised.
The texture's like pretty mushy
which is pasta but eh.
- This is honestly just okay.
- [Jen] It's just okay.
- So now we're gonna be doing
what I think is the best salad at Trader Joe's.
- Oohh.
- The broccoli slaw and kale salad with white chicken meat.
- Never had this, I'm excited.
- This is basically like a very, very elevated coleslaw.
Okay, you ready? - Yep.
- Wow.
- Right?
It's the best salad at Trader Joe's.
- What do you think makes this salad so good?
- I think it's because it's topped with what I think
is ostensibly spicy chick filet sauce.
Trader Joe's broccoli slaw and kale salad
with white chicken meat is
- [Both] Really great.
- [Kristin] Wow, you're still in awe.
- Kale chicken caesar salad.
It's really just the kale that's
gonna make a big difference here.
- It looks like the cheese here isn't crumbly,
it's actually shaved which means that maybe
it came from a real cheese block.
- I'm gonna give you a crouton.
- That's like four.
You want more? - No, what?
- I want the rest.
- Wait, you're just gonna eat all the croutons.
- Oh, crouton went down the wrong pipe.
- Don't breathe the croutons.
Wow.
- Yes.
- That's a rockstar.
- The cheese is tasty, it's tangy.
The texture of the salad is pretty good, it's not damp.
Dressing is good.
Oh my God, these croutons are so good.
These actually have like a bit of a garlic flavor too.
- They do!
You have more salads to eat.
- Hmm?
- Organic kale chicken caesar salad.
- [Both] Really great.
- Roasted butternut squash red quinoa and wheatberry salad.
This salad is doing the most.
- Yeah.
- This is like a wedding with three themes.
Actually I efficiently assembled a bite
for the first time in this entire video.
(mumbling)
It is very sweet.
- Yeah the salad's too sweet for me.
I would say it's just okay.
Trader Joe's chicken salad.
I think the uncensored version of this salad is
it's Trader Joe's chinese chicken salad
which as we all know is like an American creation.
- You can do it, you can do it, you can do it.
- Chicken's pretty flavorless but honestly
I think what makes this salad tasty
is just the salty dressing.
Chicken salad.
- [Both] Just okay.
- Crunchy slaw with chicken,
crispy noodles, ooh crispy noodles, and peanut dressing.
This is taking too long.
- No don't do that.
Don't do that, don't do-- - I did it.
And I got it, yummy.
- This is not efficient.
I hate this.
- I gave you what you wanted. - No you didn't.
You didn't give anyone what anyone wanted.
- I give everybody what they wanted, I'm like Santa.
I'm gonna eat because Kristin is taking so long.
- Why do you think that--
- She is a slow salad.
- Just get on there.
It's the same salad from the chicken salad
but different dressing and the dressing really
sinks it to the bottom of the pool.
That's just okay.
- Salad with BBQ flavored chicken.
Ohh that is a pungent salad.
Why is there two dressings in here?
- Just make a barbeque ranch.
- Oh yeah.
Let's do it. - Okay.
- Ranch and barbeque sauce.
Yeah of course they go together.
I love the onions, the cheese is good.
I'm into it.
- I regret to inform you that I agree with you.
- Salad with barbeque flavored chicken.
Pretty good.
I spoke too soon about not feeling sick
but also I've been eating so many crispy noodles
I think that's part of it.
- Pasadena salad with chicken.
- The dressing is not super distinct
so it kind of just tastes like
a lot of other salads I've already had which--
- I disagree with you, I like the dressing.
- You talk then.
(laughing)
- But I think the dressing is kind of the only thing
that's keeping this out of the penalty box for me.
It is pretty good.
Kale edamame salad.
- They're very salty.
Whoa, this seems like it's turned.
- Okay well.
(laughing)
- This salad according to the box expires tomorrow.
- But we just opened it and it's--
- Smells bad.
So the kale and edamame salad, our rating is N/A.
(laughing)
This room smells bad.
- This room smells bad now.
- It's weird, it shouldn't smell that bad.
- [Both] Nicoise salad.
- This one is gonna be so difficult to eat.
I have to get a (beep) cherry tomato and a potato
and a piece of egg and (beep) tuna.
- I remember being a kid and being like,
"When I grow up no one's gonna force me to do things
that make me sad."
And here we are.
No, I couldn't do it.
- I don't know why I thought that it would be
like restaurant quality tuna.
- I think just okay is generous on this salad to be honest.
- At least it hasn't turned.
- [Both] Classic greek salad.
- This is the dryest cucumber I've ever seen.
- It's like (choking)
Here's how I'm doing this.
- Oh smart.
- Yeah.
I think room for improvement but the dressing and the cheese
are definitely carrying the salad.
That said, some of this produce looks pretty beat up.
- Yeah. - Classic greek salad.
Pretty good.
- Guess what bitch? - What's up bitch?
- Guess how many salads we have left.
- Two?
- Two!
- So just to clarify, we tried a caesar salad
that was non-organic that didn't have chicken.
Then we tried a caesar salad
that had chicken that was organic.
And then now we're trying the
non-organic caesar salad but with chicken.
- Jen's trying to make the case for not eating the salad.
- We know what it's gonna taste like.
It's the same chicken and all the other--
- You have something on your face.
- I don't care.
- You have something on your face.
- I don't care!
- Alright it's done.
I'm just gonna eat, I'm just putting it in my mouth.
It's getting over with, goodbye.
Why did you do that?
You knocked the chicken off my bite.
- The croutons don't have that much flavor.
- It's bad.
- You know what you want. - It's not good.
The kale caesar is so much better.
Once you've had the best you do not want the rest.
- Caesar salad with chicken breast.
- [Kristin] Just okay.
- Give us the final salad.
- Oh God.
Mexicali salad.
- With chili lime chicken.
I do love jalapeno so that could be good.
Honestly. - I like this a lot.
I think the key to a good Trader Joe's salad
is either the produce has to be
interesting and well-combined
or the meat source has to be
- [Both] well-seasoned.
- But this is a situation where
both the vegetables and the meat
really killed it.
- Cool, the Mexicali salad.
- [Both] Really great.
- We did it!
We tried all of the Trader Joe's salads
that we had access to except for one that went bad.
My favorite salads were the kale caesar,
the mexicali salad,
and the broccoli slaw salad that you already liked a lot.
- My favorites were the broccoli slaw salad,
the kale caesar and the lemon arugula salad.
- Oh yeah.
My bottom three salads were the nicoise salad,
the harvest salad and the super spinach salad.
Mostly because of the super spinach salad
I just really hated the texture of the dressing.
- I also share two of my least favorite salads with you
but I had one different.
Two of them were the harvest salad, nicoise salad
which I actually could not eat.
And then I think the plain caesar.
- What do you want us to eat next?
- I feel like every time we finish one of these videos
we're always just like,
"We're never (beep) doing this again."
And then we see a cut and we're just like,
- They're funny!
- They're funny, let's do more of them!
- We're gonna--
- We're gonna go home.
- Go home, probably have some
very healthy poops over the next day or so.
- Gonna just evacuate.
- Yeah (beep)
(laughing)