The topic we're going to discuss is how to handle an arrogant wife and my name
is Paul Friedman. I founded The Marriage Foundation and I did it based on some
very deep spiritual principles because I used to be a divorce mediator and let's
face it and I think that it's pretty obvious that the current rate of divorce
sort of is telling us something about traditional marriage counseling so I've
been saving marriages and helping people with their marriages using the
principles that I discovered that aptly apply to marriage. So what do you do
about an arrogant wife? Well, let's talk about what this reflects, how it impacts
you and then what can you do about it. What it really reflects arrogance is a
super defense mechanism and we know that. Humility is a quality that we see in the
great ones. They never talk about themselves as being great. God doesn't
talk about himself as being great or herself as being great because the
higher we go what it really means is that we're leaving our ego behind. We're
leaving behind the identification of ourselves as a vulnerable animal because
a human being is really a soul, very advanced, very high that's what we are
essentially. We're essentially souls and we have a body and we have a mind but we
get trapped in our mind and the reason we get trapped in our
mind it's so compelling is because of this drive to survive that's in the body
constantly sending messages to the mind, you have to protect me, you have to
protect me. And so, that manifests in very different
ways. Arrogance is a perception that we have of the other person
so what's really going on, because now I'm talking about you, what's really
going on is her arrogance is stepping on the toes of your arrogance. It's kind of
a how dare she see herself in this light and behave in this way especially
towards me. It's all about defensiveness so the reality is you cannot do anything
about her except to love her. You can love your wife which is what you promise
to do in spite of her flaws and this is a flaw. Okay, so what? As you categorize
flaws this is not really high up there, is it.
So your job you might say is to love your wife unconditionally that's your
job. You expect that from her to love you unconditionally, why shouldn't it be true
about you? If you do that you can step over these flaws they're like pebbles in
the way of your love they're not that big a deal. You don't have to do anything
about her arrogance. You don't have to handle anything about her but you do
need to look at yourself and you do need to recognize that this
is a problem that you are having not with her but with your own ability to
see past how it's affecting you. Isn't that something? You know what I'm saying
is true and let's recap. One, there's nothing you can do to change another
human being. You have trouble changing yourself. How many times have you
resolved to do something differently to break a habit and you couldn't do it?
It's hard enough to try and change another person, now that's arrogant. It's
also impossible because your wife has free will and you're supposed to respect
that and if she doesn't respect yours in her arrogance it's your job to just not
worry about it so that's the key. Truly, what is
happening here is not that her arrogance is impacting you but it's how you are
perceiving her arrogance and allowing it to impose upon you.
It's the trick, it's really very simple and it's not merely philosophical if you
try this. So what gets in the way of trying this is our reactive mind as soon
as you start feeling her arrogance or some behavior that's triggering you
don't react, stop and instead of looking at her and being critical of her
saying, "Whoa, why should I care?" Why? Why should I care? She is lovely in so many
ways, why should I be impacted by this. And you will find that if you do this
you'll be successful it'll shift your attention from her flaws to yours -- you'll
do much better. I hope this is helpful to you. It should be. If you have
questions, you could post it in the comments. If you have a comment you could
post it in the comments. If you have a question you'd like to have address
personally, write to one of our counselors. It's a free service other
than that blessings to you, blessings to your arrogant wife and
blessings to your family. Take care, God bless.