Today I want to talk about something that I feel is so important and that is loving the
little girl that lives inside of you. Doesn't matter, whatever gender you associate with,
it's really loving that little being that grew up and didn't hear what they needed to hear,
didn't receive what they needed to receive, and it's caused a shifting in the cells
maybe even cellular damage... and you have to know, you guys, everything that we go through
from the age of zero to five, and a lot of times even in our teenage years, that stuff that we went
through whether it was highs or whether it was lows they get etched into our cells. And
if it is holding us back at all or we're feeling there's a stuck
energy because of something that was said or done it is our job to heal it and I'm here to
tell you that it's the deepest work you will do and it's really, really, really powerful work
and it's so beneficial because ultimately you guys it doesn't feel awesome. When you're in it,
it doesn't usually, it can for some people, but it's usually feeling a little bit like,
oh! But then once you do it, you heal a lot of these patterns that you can't quite explain,
the patterns of maybe road rage or the patterns of maybe, for me,
when I get on customer service of like ATT or comcast or American Airlines - any type of like
customer service, I get triggered. And um it's, it's important to understand that it's not really
that because ultimately it's inconvenient, it's not fun... but why is it triggering? Why is it
creating so much angst and so much heat and fire within your body? My body? So really knowing that
actually these moments that come up are just opportunities for you to go back and heal,
either that five-year-old self or that teenager because usually we're operating either from our
five-year-old self or our teenage self when we're in our rackets or when we're in our low
moments, low vibration feelings. And I have to tell you that it is an intention of mine,
you guys know this, I've been in this intention of doing some deep healing work on myself
and boy oh boy, you don't actually, I don't actually feel like I'm getting more stillness.
That was the intention to be like carefree, and doing more hikes, and sipping my tea longer-
not happening. I'm just being so honest, it's not happening because what is happening is I'm staying
in my patterns but I'm realizing that my intention to heal is bringing up some stuff from my past
and so I'm gonna be so vulnerable because I'm only willing to share this so that you find your
story in my story... because I cannot be the only person who goes through this. My phone was stolen
and then I didn't have a phone for a week. So I finally get my new phone, I'm setting it up
but the data doesn't work like I can't connect to instagram, facebook, text messaging, calling
and it's my birthday. So I'm like, oh my gosh... so I woke up on my birthday...
no text messages from my closest friends or my family, no voice messages, like I usually get
a call from my parents right? So nothing like there's and I don't really know what's going
on with my phone until that morning because I'm like it's my birthday and I'm getting
jack of a response from anyone that's close for me... so that I'm like, oh my gosh my phone's
not working and it was it was an interesting process to watch within me. This feeling of
not enoughness, this feeling of wanting to be celebrated, that little five-year-old girl
wanted to be highlighted. One and especially from my parents and people that I am really close to.
So anyway, long story short I kind of have a breakdown. My ears end up starting to ring, I'm
not I'm kind of like why are my ears ringing? Like I'm like feeling my ears like aching and ringing,
I'm feeling the rage boil up in me because I'm working with ATT to fix my phone. I'm on the
phone for like two hours getting nowhere, the rage is building, which is really not
rage about att it's about not receiving the validation, the recognition, and being seen
by those who deliver it through the device. Do you see that that is really the issue? It wasn't
about ATT but I'm feeling the rage coming, right? My ears are starting to ring and I literally like
I'm in a ball, my husband's got this beautiful like dinner birthday dinner planned, and I just
start sobbing and I start running my bath in our hotel and I like just get in and I'm just
sobbing and all this like nonsense is coming up... like I'm just spurting out nonsense but it's how
I'm feeling. So I'm literally in there and my ears are ringing harder like almost like they
hurt and I'm like it must have been att with my phone. All of a sudden I have a flashback
because my husband who's been doing deep training on different elements he's like um, what is your
little girl inside of you feeling like? So I ask you the same question: what is that little girl
and for those of you who are men or associate as men, what is that little child
needing to hear or what happened to that little child that's coming up and wanting to come out?
And I went to immediate flashback as soon as he gave me that space, and that grace,
and that love, to feel that and to to bring it - not about att call - but to bring it to the root
the truth of what was really going on. I started to cry harder and I remembered, and
guys my parents didn't know better. I ended up as a two-year-old having really bad ear infections,
like my eardrums like would erupt multiple times and no one knew that that was going on.
Like they were constantly breaking the eardrums and so I was in massive pain and I would throw
temper tantrums. And I couldn't hear too because once they erupted then I couldn't hear, and so
I would just go into what a child who can't communicate about her ears or that she can't hear
what someone's saying - into massive tantrums. And my parents, how they handled it is, if you
misbehave and you have a tantrum we're gonna put you in your room. My room was the only room that
had an outside lock, so they would actually lock me in my room and I remember kicking the walls,
banging on the walls, wanting to get out of my room and it sounds so horrific and it was.
This went on for about a year and a half until my mom took me into a doctor who was like,
this child cannot hardly hear. It sounds like she's under water in a bathtub. She can't hardly
hear you, she knows you're talking to her but she cannot hear and she's in massive pain. We have to
get her into surgery. You guys, there was this stage from two to three and a half where I felt
like if I raged or if I tried to communicate what I was feeling that I would get locked into my room
and I felt not seen and I did this. Also, there was stuff around my birthday growing up as well.
We found I'd like remembered that one day, one time, I don't know what age I was that my
parents forgot my birthday and it wasn't because they don't love me, it was because it was just
crazy like my birthday's around christmas, my brothers were probably in sports,
and they forgot my birthday and then they remembered at night. So it creates this
anxiety in me every year and then after that I kept getting sick on my birthday. So amazing
what comes up when you're willing to look at it and face it. You might be asking yourself,
what did you do to heal yourself in the bathtub? Sobbing, remembering that as a little girl I would
get locked into my room. Here's what I do know and I want to bring this back to you and what might be
going on with you. One, I had not remembered that story in a long time. My parents told me about it,
occasionally they'd be like we felt terrible about it and I always knew I had a lock on my door like
I knew that. So here's this and it might not be that you remember right now but when you're in
your moment of rage or sadness or just feeling all the feels I invite you with this question:
what is the underlying thing underneath that? What is that five-year-old or teenager needing
to hear or feel or see? Because usually you're operating from that space and it's coming from a
time of pain. So I wanted to ask you that question and it's usually from either when you're younger
or you're a teenager. And then when you're in that moment, you take a minute to just feel it,
and remember, if you find yourself in that moment or just it could be any moment I mean it could be
when you were 13 or 14 and this girl that you liked you asked her to date you or to be your
girlfriend and she denied you and everyone laughed at you. Who knows what your moment is right?
So you basically remember and then you get to close your eyes and you get to go back as you
are right now to that moment whatever that moment was and tell your younger self all the things you
needed to hear. You get to wrap your arms around that little girl and you get to tell her in that
moment that exact situation what she needed to hear. So I took some time on my birthday,
took some time from the dinner time, going out on my birthday, all the lights,
and all the fun things to close my eyes and to go to that little girl on the bed in her bedroom
after she'd been kicking the walls, punching the walls, crying in her pillow, screaming
to get someone's attention, to be seen, to be understood, and just put my arms around her
and told her wow, she's so brave. I'm so sorry your ears are hurting. Well I totally feel you,
I understand you, you are a good girl, because I was also told I was a really bad girl.
So I told her I was a good girl and I just took time to love on her and right now I'm really light
about it but in the time of the meditation and the visualization it just was so purification because
I was crying, and I could feel her, and I could offer love to her and and do it in my myself,
in my higher self, and you have to understand that that's more powerful to the healing of
that little girl in the cellular dna than if my parents came to me and said sorry. Because my
parents have already said sorry, they were like we feel so bad that we used to do that to you.
Um so anyway, it's not like I need that from them. I needed to go and do what someone wouldn't have
done, and go back to the scene, and love on her. We're all connected. If I heal myself cellularly
then it gives permission, and it's energetic permission, to my children, to my spouse,
and anyone in my spirit of influence. So really remembering that moment and then going back there
and saying what needed to be said or what needed to be done.
To heal, that reminding yourself that you're enough, reminding yourself that you're seen, that
you're not a bad girl or a bad boy, or not good looking, or pretty or whatever the situation was.