Hey Dan here and I'm answering one of my favorite
types of questions on love romance and sex from
an INFP in Hong Kong. Yeah pretty excited about
this one. Let's just say that I think there's a
lot of limiting beliefs and interesting things
coming up as well as some strategy that can be
applied to having more potential for romantic
relationships with friends plus a little twist
I'll get to towards the end of the question, so
are 23 year old INFP girl says: I'm an introvert
and I enjoy spending time alone. Most occasions
I like
one on one conversations so I generally go out
with just one friend at a time. I'm a person who
can't easily find love like many of the girls do
around me. I chase for a lifelong relationship
rather than a short term temporary one, but as in
this world of fast, quick relationships being
everywhere, it does not work out. I always want
to develop a romantic relationship, starting from
a friendship, but the problem is that by time I
feel there could be a romantic relationship. We
have been friends for way too long the twist at
the end gets
really interesting with this. I'm gonna answer the
first part of the question then get to that. One
of my friend says that when you're starting out a
new love relationship, you should just start with
the intention of being a couple from the
beginning and see where things go but I just
can't do that. I need to explore the front stage
more before it can workout so I'm gonna start out
with a strategy you could use, assuming this is
true and not a limiting belief that I really want
to address that so it's an interesting situation.
You set up for yourself here where you created a
limiting belief that number one you
Only date people who you become friends with
first number two, you can only spend time, one on
one with friends in other words, creating kind of
an awkward semi romantic situation when you just
wanna be friends. So first things first, the
amount of limiting beliefs you have built for
yourself to create an impossible situation to
find love is amazing and one could guess that
perhaps at the core of this is a fear of intimacy
or for your of love we're opening up to someone
is so scary to you we're being that vulnerable
It's scary that you basically decided hey let's
create all these rules and pretend that I really
want love but I can only fall in love with
someone that I am friends with first and I can
only meet my friends one on one in awkward
situations where kind of his romantic it first
but I can't be romantic so it sends mixed
messages and ends up probably I'm guessing where
most men who know you get very frustrated and
confused with the whole situation and then I'm
gonna tell myself I only want lifelong love and
somehow
magically know what the life long romance
could be, even though I haven't had a lot of
relationships so I don't really know who I'd be
compatible with in the long run. Now. I've only
smiling and laughing a little bit because I'm
here for you, you can change all this and things
will work out I'm really am happy you wrote and
we can address this, but you gotta admit it is a
little bit funny right if you look at the rules
you set up as if it was a video game you've.
Basically made it impossible to win the game. I
would say to you when I first read your question
quickly. I thought yeah what you should do
Spend time with groups of people and get to know
them in a group and then see them one on one. If
you wanna get romantic, but then I read up at the
top you know. I only like to spend time, one on
one with people and like okay well, there's no
way to win in this game, so here's the
interesting twist in the second part of the
question. I also have a problem that I have
certain feelings towards every male friend. I
have and I can't focus on just one which really
sucks I don't want to lose out on being friends
with any of them
I can't have a relationship with anyone of them
because I lose the other ones so another
interesting twist that there ends up being some
kind of feelings with essentially every male
friend that you have now here's something that I
found interesting throughout a lot of my life
with men. If you ever meet a guy and they won't
admit this to you now you can tell them about my
video and they'll deny it, but if you meet most guys who
say that they need to know someone extremely well
before they can have sex and they don't like
casual sex blah blah blah and get in
They played the whole sensitive guy routine. If
you get an honest answer and you asked this
question. If you knew 100 percent that the girl
you are with would think you were great in bed.
That you would not be rejected or judge and that
you were in control of that intimacy in terms of
whether you saw each other again or whether it
just ended yada yada yada pretty much 99 point
nine percent of men will admit yeah well then I
just like sex so what it comes down to is an
insecurity or fear that leads them to this belief
around everything they need before they can have
sex because they're scared of being judged of not
being maybe good enough or experience
In bed, if it's a well, I would say, for the
younger guys really all guys have that fear. I'm
sure. So, ultimately, what it is it's a fear that
then leads to these different beliefs about what
needs to be there in order to have some kind of
intimacy and my hunch is, as an introvert as an
INFP 23 year old girl. You probably have a
high level of sensitivity and a fear around some
kind of intimacy. If people get to know me so
well, what will they think what about being that
vulnerable because you've made it clear in the
second part of your question, you don't have
problems for mean feelings for men. You don't
know that well, you said you
Feelings in an implied romantic fashion for every
man you are friends with so my that's. Why I
think there's, some kind of fear there that's
holding you back from being more open and perhaps
getting into relationship and maybe yet maybe you
are completely wired to just want to have one
lifelong relationship. Some people are and that's
totally cool, but I challenge you to question
that belief in yourself is that really what you
want or is that what you want is more of a safety
net because you're too scared of
I don't know what that fear could be coming from,
but there's just too much in your question where
you set up these rules that basically make it
impossible for you to win that. I think there has
to be some kind of fear. There that's holding you
back and maybe limiting the kinds of
relationships and experiences you could be having
there's also a belief out there that in order to
have a close, intimate relationship where there's
really feelings for one another, you have to have
a longterm committed relationship so you
basically have meaningless, casual fun on one
side and long term
Love that intimate and means a lot on the other
and I personally think there's a lot of bs to
that. That there's, a lot of in between those
people who have longterm relationships without a
lot of meaning and intimacy and there's people
who probably meet for six hours on a train
somewhere and end up with a really intimate life
long experience at the both remember and that may
change the both forever you know, on top of the
memory of spending six hours being very intimate
in a train which I'm sure would change all of us
forever as well, so as to what to do next. I say,
give something a try
That's a little different than what you usually
do one of those friends you have feelings for go
out on a date see what happened. Maybe one of the
other friends gets upset. Maybe you don't enjoy
the experience, but you're going to actually
learn try for the next month, acting as if you
could have a short term relationship acting as if
you could have feelings for someone that wasn't
your lifelong swan partner and just go for it and
have some fun and see what happens if it turns
out to be disaster. You know you come back blame
me, but now you know for sure that that's how
you're
Rather than making a lot of assumptions that
might really be holding you back because I should
tell you before we end this video here when I've
asked most of my friends about their wives, they
met their lifelong love more than you would think
met in a one nightstand met very casually and
then fell for each other and created this
lifelong relationship. They had it's very common
for that to be the case and on the other hand, if
you're really trying to force a lifelong
relationship from the beginning, I think you're
setting yourself up for disaster and a lot of
So try it out pretend you're. Someone else
pretend you're crazy ENFP who has no regard
for any kind of longterm swan type relationship
give it a try for the next months see what
happens and well I guess you can come back and
let us know so, for everyone else. I want your
advice in the comments below this is just my
opinion of what might be going on, share your
advice for your fellow viewer in the comments
below what you think she should do to figure this
thing out. Thank you for watching. If you have
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