How do you have sexual confidence when you're sexually inexperienced?
Were you right to push your ex away and what do you do when every man you're meeting
is intimidated by your success?
Welcome to Ask Mark, it's week number 66 from Hong Kong.
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Let's get into the questions.
Uh, we have this week.
The first question is from Ruba and Ruba sent me an email and she asked Hi Mark, it's often
said that a sexually confident woman is attractive to men.
So my question is, you're right, how can one be sexually confident while sexually
inexperienced?
The guy I like his sexually experienced and very attractive.
Women hit on him all the time.
He knows I'm sexually, barely sexually experienced and teases me about it.
We joke about it often.
I know he usually goes for slimmer, more conventionally attractive women.
I'm not conventionally attractive in the sense that I'm unique.
I have Alopecia, an autoimmune condition that causes hair loss.
He knows about It and he hasn't seen my bald head.
He has been very supportive as a friend, but I'd like for him to find me attractive and
take our friendship to another level.
Uh, I know everyone, including him, says a confident woman is sexy, but let's be honest.
Ruba says, a confident bald woman who is not so same is not as sexy as a confident, objectively
attractive woman.
What can I do to gain sexual confidence without experience and to get him to start seeing
me as physically attractive?
Some advice would be appreciated.
Ruba this is a great question.
Thank you for sending it in.
And this is, this is huge.
And a lot of women under estimate this, the focus gets put on physical looks on physical
sexuality.
And you know, we've all met these people as guys, we've all met these women who maybe
they weren't the conviction, conventional picture of beauty, but my God, they just exuded
femininity.
They exuded sexuality, and they were so polarizing that we just wanted to jump them.
So what's the difference there?
As Ruba says, it's the amount of sexual confidence.
It's the comfort with themselves, their energy and their sexuality.
So those are the things that you want to look to get comfortable with.
Now, having sex and getting comfortable and confident with sex is one way to do that.
But it's far from the be all and end all.
I remember a client, I'll tell you a quick client story from Singapore.
She came to me and she was 30 years old.
She was a virgin and she was very shy, very reserved as it came to as it comes to sexuality,
as it came to sex, as most Singaporeans are.
Now, by the end of our time working together, she was exuding confidence, exuding sexuality,
exuding polarizing energy to men, and she was still a virgin.
So how do we do this?
Well, the first thing I had her do was I had a work with a feminine energy feminine radiance
type coach, so check out my video on how to become more feminine.
I'll put the link in the description, but it's really about nurturing that feminine
side of you each and every day, getting in touch with your body, getting in touch with
your senses, valuing presence and movement, meditation, yoga.
There's a lot of different elements, so I'll put that video link in the description, but
that's just the beginning.
Secondly, I also had her in touch with a sexuality/orgasm coach.
Now, what these coaches do is they help women, perhaps like yourself, get in touch with their
sexual natures and the fact they love sex.
Just because you're not having sex doesn't mean you're not a sexual being.
I'm a firm, firm believer that women are incredibly sexual beings, but unfortunately, due to society,
cultural pressures, a lot of that gets repressed and the most sexually liberated women I see,
they may not necessarily have sex the most.
In fact, sometimes the most insecure women have sex the most, but the most sexually
liberated women own their energy and own the fact they love sex.
They're very comfortable with masturbation.
They're very comfortable with self-pleasure.
Two different things by the way.
They're very comfortable with their bodies in an entirely sensible sense.
So these are all the aspects that I would to some extent work on with a client, but
more so an orgasm, sexuality type coach would work on.
You know, if you're working with one of these coaches, you're connecting with your body,
you're self-pleasuring, you'll becoming multi-orgasmic, I guarantee a man is going to pick up on that.
So that's what I'd be looking at, Ruba, connecting with your feminine side, connecting with your
sexuality, and then to some extent, building some sexual confidence with sex as well.
That can be part of it.
It just doesn't have to be.
Once you build up these energies, you'll polarize this man much more and you're more likely
to build desire and attraction.
Good question.
Really loved it, really loved it.
Second question is from where is it?
It's from Yer Mama who says, I have another question as far as insecurity goes, my issue
is more with men being intimidated by me.
What advice would you give to women who do everything for themselves and are just as
successful, if not more so than the men in their dating pool?
Do you think it is a better idea to keep quiet about successes until the man has get, given
a chance to know me?
P.S. I love Venice beach.
Thank you for the question.
This is a really good question.
And the first thing that struck me is if you're more successful than every man in your dating
pool, girl, you're in the wrong dating pool.
So I have a client at the moment, she's beautiful, she's young, you know she's, she's gorgeous
inside and out, and she's meeting and even dating just dogmen.
And I said to her, where are the men?
Where are the women, rather in your life that are like the men you want to date, right?
Unicorns hang out with other unicorns.
So what female unicorns do you have in your life?
And she really couldn't name one, the only one that was sort of like that didn't even
live in her city.
So if this is your dating pool where you're more successful than every person in your
dating pool, put an effort to getting a better dating pool.
It's always a good idea to aim to be the dumbest person in the room or the worst at something
because those are the rooms you're going to learn in.
So if you're finding yourself kind of the King of every social pool, the Queen of every
social pool that you're in, whether it's dating, life, work, finance, otherwise, then you don't
have much opportunity for growth there.
You want to find new pools of people.
That's not to say your better than the old ones, but you want to find new pools of people
where you can learn where you can grow and probably in which you can date.
Now, the other question you had here, Yer Mama is about keep quiet about successes.
Hell no, with a BUT.
Okay, no one likes that person who gets into a social circle and tells people about their successes
to impress people.
Like, male or female it's just douchebag. Okay?
No one likes that person.
So ask yourself, why am I telling people this?
You know, if I go into a social circle and meet new friends, the last thing I'm going
to tell them is like, Oh, I've got this many subscribers or Oh I do this for like it's
not.
If it comes up, that's great.
If they find out that's great, but I want to get to know them as a human.
I want to connect person to person and then if they find out those successes, I'm not
going to hide them.
If they come up, if, if there's a passion that comes up in the conversation where you
get to talk about something you're super successful at go nuts cause you love talking about it
and that's your passion.
I guess to sum up, if you're talking about things that you're passionate about, great
If you're talking about statistics of the things you're passionate about, double check
your intent.
It's like the person you get on a conversation about cars cause you love cars.
That's great.
You walk into a room and started talking about the fact that you own a Lambo, no one likes
that person and you're not doing it for the right reasons.
I hope that answers your question.
Final question is from Eva and Eva says, "Hey, Mark, my LDR on-off is utterly mean after
breakups, I am the one who apologizes, normally.
I make mistakes, especially since he's emotionally unavailable.
He hates me for calling now and trying to fix.
I'm just so upset because I'm always good to him, showing him affection and understanding,
but never get an apology or anything else back.
He treats me like a doormat.
What can I do?"
Here's what you can do, Eva.
Never talk with this guy or anyone who treats you like this guy again.
Okay.
He's emotionally unavailable, pow pow.
He hates you for calling and to fix things pow pow.
He treats you like a doormat.
He never got an apology like, ugh!
The ability of the feminine to empathize and forgive and connect, I just think is so fricking
beautiful, but this is what happens if you don't value it.
You keep going back to people, to men who don't value it either.
Don't give this beautiful energy, forgiveness, compassion, what you have to men who do not
value it.
Don't go back to this guy, he but don't question yourself.
You've got to set a whole new standard for what you expect in your life and be willing
to draw these beautiful qualities away and give them only to men who value them.
Thank you for your question.
Well, that's the video.
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