- And my next guests are comedians, best friends
and moms who are all about breaking down the good, bad
and ugly of motherhood and their podcast, "I Mom So Hard",
I love them so much
after I got to do this one thing with them,
please welcome Kristen Hensley and Jen Smedley, y'all.
(audience cheering)
Oh my gosh, welcome to the show.
- Thank you for having us.
- If you can tell we're really freaking out and excited.
We're trying to play it cool
and not go mad. - I was so happy you could
physically be here.
'Cause sometimes guests,
it's weird when people can't physically and not, you know,
and not be here, so I was so glad I got to see you
in person this time.
- Are you kidding?
We're physically here and I'm physically like strapped in
with spanks and a bra. - Me too,
we're all in this together.
Yes, well, meet Jessica.
- Hi, Jessica Alba.
- Hey.
- So tell everybody about your Podcast, "I Mom So Hard".
- Well, it's called "I Mom So Hard",
but really it's about friendship because we've been friends
for a long time, and then we had kids and realized early on
like the only way to survive motherhood is your friends.
- Sisterhood, yeah. - Sisterhood,
making you laugh, like pulling you out of a funk.
And we thought let's just be unapologetic
and talk about what we are thinking about up at 3:00 AM
while we're breastfeeding and see if other moms feel,
see like the terrible job that we're doing,
maybe they'll feel better about the mediocre job
that they're doing, so.
(all laughing) - Or just relate
because people are probably thinking the same.
like similar things and in similar spaces
and it's okay to like, sometimes be like.
(yelling) - Where they don't have it
all figured out and sometimes it's scary and lonely
and it's not this big like jump in the ocean
with your hair blowing.
Like sometimes it's dirty and gritty and hard.
- Yeah, that was like, when people were pregnant
they were like, "You glow", and I'm like, "You know what?
I can't with you right now, 'cause some of us didn't."
So, as moms though, we all know things can get messy
frustrating, and just plain infuriating
and try doing it in the middle of a pandemic
when you're trying to get one kid to sit still
for remote learning
while the other is playing a little game called
I wonder what mommy's makeup tastes like.
Sometimes the only way to get through it is
to phone a mommy friend.
And, I don't know, do you agree, Jessica?
Your mommy friends.
- Oh yeah, I mean, I didn't even know
how important that was, like the village
to help me raise my children is definitely online.
You know, it's finding, you know, podcasts like yours
or, you know certainly any kind of group
where you can relate to just these moments
where you're like you're in Target
and your breasts are just like leaking all over the place,
and your giant pad has slid to the side.
And you're trying to shop for that jean,
that stretchy jean that you may be able
to squeeze yourself into 'cause you haven't seen jeans
in about six months.
Yeah, I can totally relate to that
as you're sweating all over the place
and your child has (beep) up, sorry.
(all laughing)
their back, up their back.
I can relate, I can relate.
- This is, that's so true.
And they're playing with their poop
and you're like, that's cool.
And we don't approve of this at home, anyone watching.
I'm a good mom, I promise.
Well, wait, it's time to call our mommy friends,
and share our war stories,
but not without wine, people.
So, let's grab some wine.
We have some flying in, now somebody can pour,
I can pour it all, but wait, you have to 'cause of COVID,
we have to individually like get the glasses.
- She's so close to me right now.
- I know. (laughing)
- Do you smell Eau de Clarkson?
- She's freaking great at pouring wine.
- I'm not, that's like so sloppy.
I usually turn the glass,
and I'm not allowed to touch the glass.
- You do Jen pours,
this is like - That's right?
- [Kristen] Yes.
- Okay, so you have to grab your own.
- So that your glass is literally heavy.
- Yes. - You should get a workout in
while you're drinking it, right?
- Exactly, well, I didn't fill it to the rim,
so it's still, it's still classy.
- Great catch. (Kelly laughing)
- Grab your glasses, ladies, you have some?
Oh, you have some as well!
All right, it's let's Wine To Mommy, y'all,
this is what this is called, Wine To Mommy.
♪ Wine to mommy ♪ - Mommy.
- Oh my God.
- Some of them are chugging it.
- I know. - Some people are chugging it.
(Kelly laughing) - It's not a contest,
but if it is I'll win. - But if it is,
I'm getting the ribbon for this.
Well, cheers to everyone, we're taking
any and all motherhood questions
from our house seats as well as from Twitter.
The first question is from Patrice in our house seats.
So Patrice what's up?
- Hi, ladies. - Hi.
Gosh, she's so pretty. - Mommy to two girls,
one seven and one one-year-old,
and I'll be honest, especially during the quarantine
to avoid the sass and the tantrums,
they're like, "Can I snack all day?"
Yes, "Can I have ice cream for lunch?"
Yes, "Can I be on the iPad all day?"
Okay, here's the charger.
So my question for you ladies is,
what mommy sin are you sorry, not sorry for committing?
- I have been deep diving into Halloween decorations
and I say that it's because my kids love them,
but really it's because I love them.
- We're the same human.
I literally, literally upstairs in my office just finished
one of my Etsy orders.
We're doing "Nightmare Before Christmas",
like whole theme for Halloween.
- That's the whole, I have like a whole portion
of the garage that's just boxes of Halloween stuff.
- And I say it's for them,
but it's for me. - It's not, it's for me.
It makes me happy. - Yeah, yeah.
- He's just so happy. - You have to be happy,
that's why I don't know why do we call it a mommy sin?
We should call it like mommy innovation
or mommy thinking forward,
or mommy doing it for yourself, 'cause we deserve it,
'cause no one plans a pandemic.
- Yes. (laughing)
- You know what I mean? - No one.
- You're doing great, girl,
I don't think you're doing
anything wrong at all. - Just survival.
- Yeah, I do let my kids have,
my kids generally, it was usually just an ice cream
on the weekends kind of thing.
Like if it was 'cause I was like, look,
ghost of Christmas future ladies,
like I was like, you just slow the roll
with the sugar while you can.
And so I usually save it for a treat,
but I have, I have, you know it'll be a Wednesday sometimes
and I'll be like, okay, okay, everybody was good today.
You know, nobody completely lost their mind
and made me wanna cry and go somewhere else.
So let's do ice cream.
Jessica, how about you?
- Well, "Peppa Pig" has been raising my two-year-old,
so there's that. (all laughing)
And, definitely get the Popsicle a day, 100%.
- Yes. - I hear that "Peppa Pig".
I thought that my child was gonna have a British accent.
He watched it so much. (Kelly laughing)
- You know what, our show,
our show that I've,
that's the thing that I'm doing wrong.
And I know it, is our kids only watch one show.
So we've had, they've literally seen "Bunk'd",
like every single season.
- Your kids are older, mine's six, she loves "Bunk'd",
I'm like, "This is too old." (singing in foreign language)
I was like, "You're six, this is like too old."
But anyway, the next question is from Jessica
in the house seats.
Jessica, what's your question?
- Hi ladies, I'm Jess.
I'm a mom to two beautiful little girls, ages six and four.
And I like to teach my daughters the correct words
for things, including body parts.
So when my oldest was three,
we were sitting in my mom's church
and out of nowhere, she starts yelling out,
"My vagina hurts!" (all laughing)
So my question is what is the most awkward moment created
by your child and how did you handle it?
- Oh man, I have one. (exhaling)
- Look at your face, I wanna know the story.
- So I have a seven and a five-year-old
and we do the same thing, we're like, they have to learn
what they're called, like the medical terms
so they can describe on their body what they're called.
And I decided they have to stop bathing together,
because last week when my son stood up, my daughter goes,
"Dashville your penis looks like a funny little hot dog."
(all laughing) - That's so gross
and inappropriate. - So more and accurate, right?
So more embarrassing for him than anybody else.
But I was like.- - But that's the thing.
You've gotta say the right terms, so like good on you.
Like she's using the right words.
'Cause if you name it something else,
they're gonna wash their elbow.
And like you're in a bigger problem area at that point.
My mom was visiting, and she's old school
and my daughter came in and she was like,
"Mommy, my gina hurts, my underpants are too tight."
And I was like, I get that.
That's not, that's not fun for anybody.
And then my mom was like,
"Kristen, tell her to call it a lily."
and I was like. - A lily?
- We're not, what?
Why are we like, why are we calling it a lily?
It's not a plush toy.
- If it looks like a lily, mine's like a driven over lily.
I've had two kids, so, that is not, that-
- I don't call it anything weird too,
I call it by the body parts,
but mine isn't body parts so much as,
my son, he's four y'all,
and he is highly entertained with himself.
And he, and what am I, I'm sorry, I don't wanna shame him,
like, but I'm like, "Okay,
well this is private time, you know?"
'Cause I'm always like, "Remy, quit grabbing it."
And he's like, and then he'll literally be like,
"It's getting bigger."
And I'm like, "It won't be so weird",
I'm like, "Oh my gosh".
And I'm, you know, I'm a woman telling a little boy.
So I'm just, I'm like, "You know what,
hey, everything's cool, but like, this is your private time.
Like we don't maybe say that in Target.
Like, we don't maybe talk about it,
and maybe try not to touch yourself so much.
Just throwing it out there."
- Good luck. - Oh no, I'm still getting
my husband to stop. (all laughing)
I'm like, "He learns it from you.
You're just watching Netflix", I don't even,
it's "Unsolved Mysteries", what's the deal, what's the perk?
(Kelly laughing) - "Unsolved Mysteries".
It's only, Jessica, I mean from your RV stories,
I know you have to have some kind of embarrassing kid story.
- Yes. When my oldest, Honor, was in preschool,
she went to one of those preschools
where like the preschool teachers like
to write down cute little quotes from every kid.
And there's like a message board that all of the parents
and everyone can sign in and see what the kid says that day.
And Honor was four years old
and the teacher thought it was so hilarious
that she had to email me directly
and let me know that Honor's quote for the day was,
"I just can't wait 'til I get older so I can drink wine."
She said, "Drink Vino and drive."
(Kelly laughing) - What? Oh my gosh.
- Like I do that at the same time.
Like I'm drinking Vino and driving.
And she was like, "Can't wait to be like Mommy."
So, that was cool. - Oh my gosh.
Because she probably can't wait to drive.