- Are you still sexually active
and how often? - Oh, come on.
- You can take a drink if you want.
- No, I need more than a drink.
Tough stuff.
- My name is Aunjoli.
- My name's Jimmy.
- Do you know what you're here to do today?
- Yes, I think I do, yeah.
- To answer questions.
- All right. - Okay, go ahead.
- If you had the option, would you choose
to haunt me after you die?
- Oh, of course, yeah, of course.
- But you would haunt me?
Scare me and stuff?
- Oh no, no, I wouldn't haunt you like that.
I would like to keep my eyes on her forever.
So what does it say?
You gotta read it for me.
I can't see, no, I can't see it.
- What is the most stereotypical old person thing that I do?
- What's the most stereotypical thing,
old person thing, that you do?
- That I do. - That you do.
- No, you say, "I".
- Oh, that I do, oh, that I do, okay, yeah.
- I'm reading for you 'cause you can't see.
- Yeah, that's right, yeah.
- You can't hear, you refuse to get a hearing aid.
- Yeah, you got it, yeah.
- Why don't you go get a hearing aid?
They're a couple hundred dollars at Costco.
- I don't want a hearing aid, all right?
I can hear.
I can hear, just-- - Selectively.
- Huh? (all laugh)
- Are you still sexually active and how often?
- Oh come on.
- How long has it been since you and Mama did it?
- Oh Jesus.
Oh wow.
It's been a little while, let's just put it like that.
Been a little while. - Years?
- Damn near.
- You know when I was little, I found your Viagra once.
- Well, that's nice.
Describe how you lost your virginity, honey.
Well, tell me about it.
- This is such a bad idea.
- Okay.
- I was 18 years old.
- Oh wow, okay, speak up.
- It was with my boyfriend at the time.
- Oh, okay. - Mm-hmm.
- 18, huh, you're 26 now? - Yeah.
How did you lose your virginity?
- 15, okay?
- 15? - 15, oh I was busy.
Oh, I was such a player in those days.
- And then you switched it up when you found Mama?
- No, I had three before Mama.
- Oh. - Yeah.
- Wait, how many times have you been married?
- Three times, three times, yeah.
- Oh man, I'm fine.
Am I in the will?
And how much am I getting?
- You're getting kind of nosy.
- He has a gambling problem, so this is probably nothing.
- Yeah, right.
More than likely.
- You might have to take a shot for that one.
- Oh is that right, that's when?
- 'Cause you didn't answer it well.
- That's good, yeah.
I'm going by myself, right?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Do you smoke marijuana or have you
taken any other kind of drugs?
- No, I don't.
- Yeah, I know, no, I know that.
- You know I get paranoid when I smoke, so.
- Yeah, you're not, yeah.
- Yep. - What'd he say?
- He said, "Have you smoked weed before?"
- Of course, all my life, matter of fact.
- Have you done shrooms, mushrooms?
No heroin. - No, well, I take that back.
I did sniff-- - Jimmy.
- That was my worst thing, I did sniff that one time.
- Why did you--?
- What's the matter?
- That's the worst drug next to meth.
- Well at the time, it just--
- It was a little bit better.
- Yeah, it was on the list.
I didn't like the high because
the next thing you see, you're--
- What about cocaine?
- No cocaine, I have the sinus.
Sniffing cocaine is not good, yeah.
- But you just sniffed heroin.
- I have a sinus problem.
It hurts more than it made me loaded.
- Learn something new every day.
It says, "What kind of porn do you watch?"
- Oh no, no, I don't go that way.
I don't, I don't, I-- - You ask me that.
- Oh, I ask you, oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you're hitting on me.
What kind of porn do you like, honey?
- I watch it all, honestly.
What kind of porn do you like?
- I don't like that 'cause I like to be the actor.
Yeah, okay, what else?
- Which grandkid do you like the most
and who's the fuck up?
- Who's the what?
What'd you say?
- I said, "Who's the fuck up?"
- Fuck up, is that what you said?
Well, she's too small to fuck up,
so I guess it lies on you.
My turn? - Yeah.
- Have you ever been arrested?
Have you ever broken the law?
- I mean, I broke the law the other week.
I just went to court yesterday.
- You went to court yesterday? - Mm-hmm.
- You did?
Well see, I didn't know about that, what happened?
- I was on my phone when I was driving.
- I told you about that, see?
- Nobody died.
- Well yeah, but hell, you're not supposed to do that.
- How did you react when you found out
my mom was pregnant with me?
- Cried.
- Tears of joy, I hope?
- No, they weren't tears of joy.
It was tears of mad.
- Why were you pissed?
- Because she was supposed to be going to college
and doing all the things she's supposed to do
that I thought she was gonna do,
and then she get hooked up with a baby and--
- Did you like my dad? - Huh?
- Did you like my dad?
- Give me a drink on that.
Okay.
- How do you want your funeral to be?
- Swinging. - Swinging?
- You're kind of hitting home here, I mean,
it ain't too far away and you're running all that
down to me. - Don't say that.
You got another 100 years.
- Oh 100 years, sure, yeah.
I don't wanna see myself.
- Last question.
- What do you think my-- - Obituary.
- Obituary should say?
- I think that it should say,
"Here is a great grandfather."
Oh my God, I'm gonna cry.
- Go ahead, speak up.
Speak the truth.
I'll be gone by the time you come out of there.
- It would say something about my best friend.
How much that I strive to keep you proud.
My first tattoo was your name, so I mean,
you're my best friend. - Right.
- Can I get a tissue?
Oh my God, I can't believe I'm crying.
Thank you.
- Oh boy, I didn't expect for this to turn out like this.
- Oh Jesus.
- Yeah, this is not nice.
I love you, okay?
- Ready?
Bottoms up.
- Tough stuff.
- This is gonna be on the internet forever and ever.
It'll be great.
- Oh, okay.
I'll keep it together.
- Thank you. (applause)
- [Jimmy] Thank you.