My young age, when there was the rumor that I have left everything,
lots of discussion in every place in our locality.
“What happened?
Why did he choose this path?”
I remember when this rumor was spreading,
but I had not decided to be a monk, and it was in the early 80’s.
It was just after my education.
But one thing I’ve done, I’ve changed my clothes.
I changed my clothes from normal clothes, like trousers, shirt, as any ordinary young man uses.
I changed into a dhoti, white clothes, and clean shaven head.
But I didn’t decide to stay in the ashram.
Rather, I’ve decided to stay alone, pursuing my spiritual journey.
There were two discussions.
I will tell you one discussion, about or between the family elders.
It was at late hours at night.
It was a discussion in a very silent secluded place.
I was in another house, but I could hear everything.
And don’t ask me how.
The discussion among the elders of the family:
“It is a shame.
What he is doing it is not befitting to our family.”
I remembered, when Gurudev left everybody and came to the ashram,
his two brothers knew that he had come to the ashram.
Mother didn’t know.
Father could smell.
However, when Gurudev went back to their home,
there was a conference of all brothers, sisters, brothers-in-law, and all.
Father, mother, everybody sitting.
Do you know?
How they wanted...?
I didn’t have to face so much.
Gurudev is sitting there.
In the presence of Gurudev: “You are a scapist.
You are a scapist.
Can you not meditate staying at your home?
Can you not fulfill the wish of the parents?
Stay here at home.”
Many strong words.
Gurudev was not telling anything, he was just sitting silently, unaffected.
Everybody was using their own way.
Gurudev’s father interfered.
Do you know what he said?
Beautiful statement of his father.
He said: “My children.
You all have married and you all have enjoyed what family life is.
You all know both sides: good and bad.
Now I ask you: some of you are already elder...”
- because most of Gurudev’s brothers were having a 3 to 4 years gap.
Gurudev was the tenth child in eleven siblings.
So you can imagine, Gurudev’s nephew, sister’s son, was of Gurudev’s age, almost.
So some in-laws, brothers-in-law, and brothers were much older.
Gurudev’s father said: “If anyone of you tells:
I have seen what life is, family life as is, I will be a monk.
Then I will tell: Rabi, (Gurudev’s premonstic name) he will be the monk, you will be the householder,
I will take care of your family, you go and become a monk.
Is there anybody with that courage, to come forward to tell: I will be a monk?”
Father interfered.
Ok?
Usually the parents think, especially the mother: “What will happen?
He is not married, or she is not married.
When one is not married, when they become old, who is to look after them?
If one is sick, who is to give the medicine?
If one is tired or one is really disturbed, who is to give mental consolation?
Because those who lived in family, they cannot think of a life beyond it.
They are really worried.
And if anybody wants to follow this path,
they want to convince in every possible ways,
a very logical way of convincing.
I remember, an old man of our village, he came to talk with me, during those days.
The first time, when I went, I was not a monk, just changing the clothes.
My eldest brother told me: “Will you come home?”
I said: “I have no problem to go home. It is a problem for you all.”
“What is the problem?” I said: “You have to accept me, I respect you all.”
He said: “Ok, you come.”
I said: “Ok, I will come at night.”
He said: “Why?”
“Because in the daytime I don’t want to make a big drama.
Clean shaven head with a ponytail, with white clothes, Dhoti and all this, I don’t want to go.
I will go at night.”
So I went at night.
Ok?
And you know, once you go, everybody knows.
And an old man from the village came to convince me:
“Marriage is the best way, be a householder
then in your old age, you can become a monk.”
There is one saying, in Oriya,
(Oriya)
They say: “Get married, have a son, and then, later on, you think of monastic life.”
This (Orya), this old man did not know what does it mean.
He quoted the same verse, I knew this.
He said: “(Oriya), you know, it’s written in the Oriya Bhagavatam.”
I said: “Yes.
(Oriya)
Do you know what is he meaning of (Oriya)? He said: What?
(palavra em Oriya) means ‘otherwise’.
(palavra em Oriya) means ‘or’.
"Get married, 'or' you follow this path."
He looked at me, because he had no way to… However.
One is (Oriya).
What will others tell?
How to tell others that I am following this path?
(Oriya) means fear of the opinion of people.