"You can't sit with us"
this phrase became a pop-culture phenomenon after the release of the super-hit 2004 teen comedy "Mean Girls."
Those words were originally used by the popular girls in high school to socially exclude others –
by prohibiting them from sitting at their table during lunch.
Almost 20 years later, the iconic catchphrase is still worn on T-shirts
with much pride by teens and adults alike.
But is it really something to be loud and proud about?
You may have noticed a small child playing by himself
because he is the only boy in the group,
or because he is left-handed
or any such reason thought to be "weird" by kids of that age.
What is "you can't sit with us" for high school teens
can easily be "you can't play with us" for middle-school kids and kindergarteners.
Adults, too, can be a victim of social isolation – especially at the workplace.
Sometimes your desk will be moved away from everyone else,
or you may never receive any invitations to office lunches.
Boys putting a particularly small child in a trashcan isn't the only form of bullying.
Social isolation and other low-key forms of bullying exist as well.
Are You A Victim Of Bullying?
Bullying has many ugly faces.
Sometimes your bully is a coworker or a classmate.
Other times it's a teacher or a boss.
Usually, if the bully is at your school, college, or workplace,
you may find your grades or performance in a slump.
Additionally, you may dread leaving the house and take more mental health days to avoid them.
You may be a victim of bullying if someone you know uses these tactics to make you miserable…
1. Physical Aggression
Perhaps the easiest to spot -
physical aggression can mean a simple shove or push when the bully sees you in the hallway,
or it can be much more serious.
They may gang up with their posse and corner you in a bathroom,
and resort to kicking you mercilessly.
Any physical acts of violence,
from throwing things at you during class to punching you in a closed space,
are signs of a physical bully.
2. Verbal Aggression
Hurling insults at you in public and open harassment is a sure sign of a verbally abusive bully.
A boss or teacher who constantly criticizes or yells at you also comes under this category.
They may even keep account of all your mistakes and call you names in the pretense of "wanting you to succeed."
While some figures of authority may have bad days,
where they switch between Jekyll and Hyde due to personal reasons,
developing such negative behavioral patterns is a cause of concern.
3. Passive-Aggressive Bullying
Social isolation comes under this category.
Other signs of passive-aggressive bullying include gossiping, cracking insulting jokes, or playing mean pranks.
Bullies may even justify their mean-spirited actions and say things like "Chill out" or "I was just joking around."
4. Cyberbullying
In the 21st century, bullying has found yet another way to thrive.
Taking the form of threatening emails, offensive posts, false rumors, photoshopped images, revenge porn,
"cancel culture," and much much more, cyberbullying is perhaps the most cowardly means of bullying someone.
At the same time, it is a fast and quick way to destroy someone's reputation and mental health.
In many cases, cyberbullying, especially by large groups of people, may escalate and lead to fatal consequences.
5. Power Play
Your boss overburdening you with work even on the weekends, and always setting unrealistic deadlines?
A professor always threatening to give you an F for apparently no reason at all?
Sometimes, when your bully wants to see you fail, they will exploit their formal position of power to do so.
Can you name some other forms of bullying which we may have missed?
Comment your answers down below!
How To Deal With The Bully
1. Remove Yourself From The Situation
Can you switch your classes or maybe even your school?
If your bully is a colleague or a superior at work, consider moving to another role in the organization.
And if you ever pass by them again, keep your head held high, disengage, and walk away.
2. Fight Back
And we don't mean throwing a punch in retaliation
– that could lead to more trouble.
Instead, practice confidence in the mirror and be ready with a script of what to say when you stand up for yourself.
Avoid being emotional and get right to the point.
If you are usually quiet and timid, chances are, your bully will stop considering you an "easy target" and back off.
Sometimes they don't realize how they hurt you, and may even apologize.
3. Report It
Some forms of bullying are so severe that they cannot be avoided
by simply maintaining distance and a few acts of confrontation.
In such cases, document every instance of bullying,
including direct quotes and the names of eye-witnesses.
If you are at work, consider looking at your company's anti-harassment policy, and contact HR accordingly.
In the case of schools and colleges, there is bound to be an anti-bullying policy that may help you.
Unfortunately, some authorities sweep the reports under the rug for fear of negative press.
With the advice of parents, counselors, or even lawyers,
you can choose to take the case to court.
4. Don't Take It Personally
More often than not, bullying has more to do with the bully than the victim.
While there is no excuse for abusive behavior,
ultimately, empathizing with your bully may help you understand their actions,
and they will begin to appear less intimidating.
Which eventually allows you to look the bully in the eye without fear.
In the meantime, share with us how you dealt with a bully.
Or perhaps, how you stopped being the bully in your case.
We promise we won't judge – our comments section is a non-cyber bullying safe space!