hello swedish potatoes happy valentine's
day
it's been two years since i made that
how to be happy single
and not good but great on your own video
as some of you guys may have noticed i
did casually drop in a few videos
recently that
i may or may not have gotten a
significant other
and today i'll be answering all your
burning questions on relationships
and my boyfriend but before we get
started
have a little surprise
so we have michelle here who will be
reading us questions off camera hello
michelle hello sweetest potatoes
let's get this party started so question
one please share your love story you can
go
i realized that we never even said my
name it's okay let's go into it they
don't they don't need to do it yeah they
don't even know my name
this is james hello swedish potatoes
sue's potatoes
james james swedish potatoes we actually
met at a wedding a friend's wedding
um i was officiating the wedding i was
super nervous
and you were attending the wedding yeah
great great great story guys so he was
officiating the wedding the speeches
that they give it's either bible verses
or it's either just boring usually
and so he gave a story in three parts
of our two friends who are getting
married i was like wow it's such a
thoughtful speech and then i asked my
friend next to us who's a mutual friend
and he was like oh yes james zorda
himself he even came up with a few
drafts asked a couple rewrote it
so i was like damn thoughtful man can
write
i want to meet him didn't know i was
writing such an important speech and the
thing is one of my best friends from
childhood
she's been telling me to meet james for
the past five
six years just us french like you guys
would get along really well as friends i
was like okay
let's meet him but it never happened and
the day of the wedding i was like hey
can you intro
us the rest is history
what are your similarities and what are
your differences
similarities go one word and i go one
word
family values thoughtful entrepreneurial
kind are you tooting your own horn now
similarities you're a very kind person
oh thank you very loving very supportive
very present 97.8
of the time for both of us and then
yeah that's a great summary differences
did you say differences
yes she said
next question what is your favorite
quality or characteristic
about the other person i have two one of
my favorite qualities about rose one of
my favorite qualities about roe
is how she's one of my favorite
is how kind she is to strangers one of
the things i noticed early on especially
if we were
eating out before the pandemic started
or even just taking an uber
was how she would treat either the uber
driver or the waiter or waitress people
talk a lot about how people treat
strangers is
really really important i just noticed
how warm and kind she was and she would
always ask them questions
talk with them and engage with them and
we've all been in that position where
sit in the uber and the last thing we
want to do is
talk to a stranger maybe you put in some
headphones and then just zone out that's
one of the things that always struck me
was how willing she was to engage and
how kind she was to strangers
thank you a
plus interview response one of my
favorite characteristics of you is how
thoughtful and supportive you are and
how you're just so willing to help
people get your parents beat your
friends via
me and a lot of times it's without even
having to ask you
you'll do it and then other times is
even when i do ask you or like when your
parents are when your friends ask you
you just
always take it with a smile and you do
it right away i think a lot of times
these days your mom
or even when friends tell you to do
something like i'll do it later but then
he's just like okay like i'll do it now
i'm like
so quick so support feel so love and
support oh
so cute i'm gonna give one more i'll
give one more thing about row
um yes another one of my favorite things
about ro
is how ambitious she is a lot of times
you hear the saying kind of shoot for
the moon and you'll land amongst the
stars
and she's definitely like the
personification
of that quote whether it's the way that
she tries to make each one of her videos
better than the previous one not just
better but also different and
reinventing her creative process
or just setting really high goals for
the year i think for me
being with someone like that is really
inspiring especially given
how you become the average of the five
people you spend the most time with if i
spend a lot of time talking to roe
then i by definition become influenced
by that as well
and my ambitions get higher as a result
i'm all five of those people
thank you does he have a skincare
routine and how involved
are you in that well before i met ro
my skincare routine consisted of
splashing some water on my face
that's maybe on a good day after i've
met ro
i now have cleanser a serum a
moisturizer sometimes even some
masks oh yes
and toner and sunscreen what does he do
for a living entrepreneur
yeah how about you describe my job back
to me james
is the ceo and co-founder of
mighty health it is a health and fitness
and wellness app that helps the over 50
population
live their best and healthiest
lives hey you can go pitch our investors
mission driven helping our parents
generation
so thoughtful oh wow
what is the height difference between
you two i don't actually know if i know
the answer to this question
two inches okay she knows the answer
four no four four four eight
seven eight nine ten are you now
counting in centimeters
five five six inches five six inches
what k drops have you watched together
ooh
ooh i also used to not watch kdramas at
all i always had this
stereotype in my head about how cheesy
now they're the best thing ever
and now they're the best thing ever we
have watched itaewon
the king mystic papa bar vagabond
i think vagabond was our favorite and
startup did you not like it
it was my favorite i would say it was
definitely up there
okay and now we're watching mr queen oh
yeah
try to get him to watch true beauty but
it's okay gotta shoot your shots
no what is that what is that saying
gotta pick and choose your battles
it's just like melting over here what is
she
how do you fill up each other's love
tank
both of us have a similar love language
which is quality time we have two
different dialects of it her
love language for quality time is
presence
right undivided attention
i want a hundred percent of your
attention
now and then for me it's actually more
doing things together it took us a
little bit of time to actually realize
there was
a pretty major difference between those
two things and
trying to make an effort intentionally
to speak the other person's love
language has been something that we work
a lot on
[Laughter]
as for attachment styles we learned that
i'm avoidant and that he's more anxious
over the past couple of months we've
also unpacked the fact that i'm not
avoidant because i don't want to deal
with you or like i don't want to deal
with the situation it's more
so i like to have my space to mull over
and to think over
why i'm feeling the way that i'm feeling
and why i'm upset
instead of just attacking you to be like
why aren't you doing this how come
you're like this like blah blah blah
would rather come to you with the
solution like hey i felt this way this
is why i felt that way and i realized
i could have done better in this
situation and i should have communicated
better with you so that you know
what's going on in my head instead of
just being like you're not doing this
you're not doing this
love me more and on the other hand
i'm more on the anxious side so when
something happens or there's a
disagreement or some kind of mix-up my
personality is i want to resolve it as
fast as possible so i'm always like
let's talk about it can we talk about it
right
now what's going on are you feeling okay
any moment that passes where i don't
feel some kind of resolution to that i
feel like i'm doing something wrong
and everything is gonna fall apart he's
like suho in true beauty
part of our growth together has been
learning how to navigate all that when
you have one person who really wants the
answers right away and then one person
who wants to wait a little bit to
process
it's helpful to have clear communication
in that gap in between to know
that oh okay she needs some time how
much time does she need and now that i
know that she needs that time i can give
her that space that's necessary as well
so having communication around all those
unsaid things in between helps a lot in
terms of
figuring out how to resolve conflicts so
adding on to the idea of conflict
how do you handle conflict and
misunderstandings in a healthy way
i think for healthy conflicts coming
from a baseline or a foundation of
knowing that we're both
leaning into it and we're both still in
it when you have a foundation of trusts
around knowing that at the end of the
day the two of you are going to figure
it out and come out of it the other side
it gives you a starting place to
communicate and try to lean into it so
that's why we try to talk things out
without leaving too many things
on set or without too much time passing
uh not talking about it this is actually
something james is teaching me
as humans we're all so unique and so
beautiful and so different and two very
different unique people coming together
to try to be together of course to like
be able to be
together there's going to be time that's
needed for us to
work through any kinks that there are
but that's just a part of any
relationship that you have
if you can learn how to communicate set
expectations
basically learn how to fight better then
over time you grow
closer and stronger as a couple that can
basically make all the difference in the
long term
and again when we say fight we're not
like
we're just we're kind of just talking
like this we actually kind of are just
talking like this as
humans we tend to have a lot of thoughts
that we don't share with the other
person and then over time it piles up
and it will explode one day right so one
thing that i've been trying to work on
is if there's something that's bothering
me to just either
say it or if he asks me i'm not gonna
say
nothing but i i still say that but then
i've told him over time so now he knows
to ask a few times
this is actually something that our
friend the couple who actually got
married they have a rule where
the husband or the boyfriend at that
time would ask her three times what's
wrong if by the third time she doesn't
say anything
then she doesn't have the right to be
upset anymore oh
start using that from now on you should
yeah there's a book that i reference
a lot called school of life where it
just talks about relationships not being
that perfect hollywood
romantic paradigm being in a
relationship is essentially an
intentional conscious choice every
single day when you wake up
to make that effort i try to keep that
in mind and it helps us be more patient
i choose you
pikachu pikachu what is the biggest
lesson you've learned
as a couple when it comes to your
relationship
biggest lesson i think my biggest lesson
is my thesis that if you work on
yourself
and you spend the time working on
yourself one day
the person you've been waiting for will
show up
at the randomest time it's true i mean
for every
moment or conflict that i work through
with rowena i'm also
working rowina it's like me calling
felicia with alicia
am i in trouble for all the time that i
spend with ro
and you know helping us grow as a couple
i also spend a lot of time with a
personal coach of mine similar to
other folks having therapists i have a
coach that i work with
to work through my own emotions and my
own personal growth
and so that way we can be two people who
are strong and independent on their own
but then when leaning on each other can
be even better yes
yes what was the moment that you knew
you loved
the other person who said i love you
first
when was the moment james well
it was a spring day a cold brisket day
outside what was it what was the moment
i would say honestly
i don't know if there's one particular
moment because i don't think that's
necessarily how relationships work where
you just have a
cartoon sized light bulb pop up on top
of your head and you're like thing
a lot of it is just a continual gradual
process
along a spectrum of getting closer and
closer to the other person just from
talking
to row a lot at the beginning a lot of
face timing
thing was just gradually getting closer
and closer to the point where i felt
comfortable saying i love you when did
you say it
when did i say it when did you say it
how long into the relationship did you
say it
redacted was it was it a month
redacted where are we now on the
spectrum
what spectrum of love
oh great what he said it's really
something about just being true to
yourself and if you feel it then say it
i think
not playing games or not trying to oh
i'm not going to say it because if i say
it maybe they won't like it as much and
then it's going to be really weird
those are the types of things where the
trust in the communication begins
breaking apart
i think we're both very i was very
straightforward
respectfully straightforward made it
clear enough that i was interested
without being overly like hey like
let me into your life i don't know if
it's because we're both
getting older those types of games we
try to avoid a lot of them just by
talking a lot and sharing our feelings
and when you ask the other person how
they actually feel
trying to be fairly straightforward with
it as scary as it sounds what i've
learned and i think
i talk about this a lot in my videos i
try to optimize for
preventing any would have should haves
could haves
when i'm 80 years old right so like if i
know
that i did my best to try to
get myself in front of this fine
gentleman and
it didn't turn out the way that i hoped
it would when i'm 80 then it's like okay
well like i tried and it just it didn't
work out i think that's like another
layer to all of this is that sometimes
relationships just
won't work out it's like what my dad
said a few weeks ago of how
when the karmic relationship or like
when the timing is right
it will happen and sometimes if the
timing is not right no matter how hard
you force it it might not
happen so just honoring that trying your
best
putting your best foot forward knowing
that it's okay
if things don't work out the way you
want them to i guess that's life and
then if
one doesn't work out if you keep trying
in that way one day someone will
appreciate you
for who you are and be like oh this is
who i've been looking for my whole life
i think we're running a battery but yes
okay
do we need a burst of cold air yeah
we're good do you need like a water
break
no we good okay he does i need a burst
of cold air
we're both like nope and then we all got
up
yes michelle yes james okay this
question is for rohita
in your how to be happy single q a video
from two years ago
you said my ideal relationship is they
are fully supporting me
of everything i do i fully support them
in everything they do
they make me feel calm and grounded and
secure
instead of butterflies and passion and
he makes me laugh a lot
is james ideal
you know how you journal and you write
about these things and then you forgot
you
wrote it and then when you hear it and
then you see it
in the flesh it's like it's like you
just got called out on the whole tweet
goes back to like it's possible things
like this are very
possible to wrap up this very long two
and a this one isn't really a question
it's more of an action
so romina and james look at each other
in the eyes and in one sentence
tell the other person what you
appreciate and love most about them
i'm sliding off dearest rowina
i am grateful that you helped me
become a bolder more ambitious dreamer
in life
and you always remind me to bring
all of my heart to everything that i do
thank you for being a great example of
that
every day and for always reminding me to
do the same
mango kamnida
[Music]
dearest gems you have the brownish eyes
and the softest skin and that's what i
appreciate most about
am i going to war
dearest jams
you have big hands and therefore
i love you take three dearest gems
i appreciate that you love me for who i
am just as i am my burps in your face
gassiness included so much
thank you for being one of the most
loving and supporting
and accepting and understanding people i
know
and encouraging me to be the same thank
you for being the inspo for the potatoes
don't steal it with a kiss gotta keep
this pg-13 okay
mom and dad are watching okay both are
both our parents are watching okay
all right so with that thank you so much
for joining and i hope you learned a
thing or two about relationships
yeah is this the thumbnail right here
is this it right here well what if he
did like a fake angry at me
what if i did half of the heart and you
did the other half
and then we give two little hearts