Lizzie: Hi, everyone!
Jane and I are having a bit of a disagreement.
She says that I keep instigating arguments with Darcy when he's trying to be nice.
Jane: "Nice" was not the word I used.
Lizzie: I'm paraphrasing, and it doesn't matter, because you're wrong, wrong, wrong.
Jane: You promised you would keep this civil!
Lizzie: I'm always civil!
Are you sure you want to talk about this in front of tens of thousands of viewers?
Jane: She's the one who insisted on turning on the camera.
Lizzie: Yeah, cause I thought it would make you leave me alone.
Jane: You cannot use the internet as a safety blanket, Lizzie.
Lizzie: I can try!
Alright, fine.
My name is Lizzie Bennet, and William Darcy does not like me.
At all!
Not at all.
Nope.
"Nope! He Doesn't Like Me!" Written by Rachel Kiley
Jane: I understand what you're saying, but he's trying,
and I think that he genuinely likes you as a person.
Lizzie: What?! What? What?
Darcy?
Genuine?
Likes people?
Does not compute!
Darcy doesn't like anything, except himself
and wearing scarves in the middle of summer.
Jane: Well, you tend to be a little confrontational.
Lizzie: I am very agreeable!
Jane: How about when he asked you to dance the other night?
Lizzie: He did no such thing.
Jane: He so did!
Lizzie: At what point were the words "Lizzie, do you wanna get your groove thing on?" uttered by Darcy?
Jane: Never, I would hope.
Lizzie: Yeah! No. [Laughter]
Oh, God, forget-- strike that!
But you know what I meant.
Jane: Here you are!
Lizzie: Really? We're doing this?
Jane: Come on, I'm getting really good at it.
Lizzie: Internet fame is going to your head!
Jane: Here we go.
*[clears throat]*
Jane: Hey, you're kind of into audiovisual stuff.
How do you like these speakers?
They have a 270 degree delivery system,
providing true stereoscopic sound.
I put them in myself.
Lizzie: See? There he goes, patting himself on the back.
GREAT conversation opener!
Jane: That is not what you said.
Lizzie: [clears throat] The sound quality is mediocre at best.
Jane: Oh, yeah! Yeah, um...
My personal preference is for a vintage gramophone type of sound.
They provide a more authentic and rustic feel.
Lizzie: Just get to the point.
So, um, this song is really catchy!
I hear it's popular and really good for dancing.
You like this kind of music, right?
Uh I mean, that's what Caroline said,
not that we talk about you, but yeah, uh,
it's, uh, dance music.
Jane: And this is the part where she ignored him!
I said, this music, it's, uh, really good for dancing, yeah?
Lizzie: See?! That is by no means an invitation to dance!
Jane: Lizzie?
Lizzie: How do you get from "good for dancing" to "let's dance!"?
Jane: It's implied. He wanted to dance.
Lizzie: The only thing HE wanted was for me to say I like popular music,
so that he could mock me with his mocking words,
and his mocking face,
and his BEADY little mocking eyes!
Jane: I know, you told him as much.
Lizzie: Well, I didn't say exactly that.
Jane: You might as well have!
Oh, wait! Didn't something else happen after that?
Lizzie: I know you're only saying this so you can make fun of my tastes;
I'd rather not give you the pleasure,
so just go ahead and hate me anyway.
Jane: Hate you?
I would never dare hate you!
Lizzie: He just wanted to prove that he was morally superior!
Have you NOT been following his M.O.?
Vanity? Pride?
Jane: And you're sure your interpretations are always correct?
Lizzie: I trust my gut! And my gut is always right.
Jane: Almost.
You were wrong about Bing!
Lizzie: I hadn't met the guy yet!
Jane: And what about Caroline?
Lizzie: Okay, I'll admit, Caroline is great.
I missed on that one.
I was due!
Jane: Well, I'm going to go to dinner with Bing.
Jane: Are you going to be okay here, or do you wanna...?
Lizzie: Is that an invitation?
Do you like me third-wheeling?
Jane: No, I was just being--
Lizzie: Nice? Mwaaah!
Have fun.
Jane: Bye!
Lizzie: Well, that was fun.
Jane is getting kinda pushy, am I right?
This whole being in a loving, caring relationship with a decent guy is
really warping her personality!
And it's really good for her.
Or it could just be that we've been here for so long.
NICE Darcy?
I mean, it's like every time you say those words together, an angel loses its wings.
So let's STOP SAYING IT.
I bet some of you are gonna jump on this Darcy train
and go off and write fan fiction about us having
EPIC ADVENTURES together!
And I am not one to squash creativity, so I say,
"Epic fanfiction: go nuts!"
But with DARCY?
Well, YOU are nuts.
Transcribed by Holly Barber, Edited by Taylor Brogan