♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> HAPPY FRIDAY.
I AM KAT TIMPF, I AM IN FOR GREG
HE WAS A LITTLE UNDER THE
WEATHER TONIGHT AND I CANNOT
EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH, THE
COFFEE I GOT HIM YESTERDAY WAS
NOT POISONED.
CHILD OUT TO MY LAWYERS FOR
HAVING ME SAY THAT ON THE AIR.
LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUEST
SPREADSHEET IS SO LIBERTARIAN SHE IS NEUTRAL AS A WAR ON
SHE IS NEUTRAL AS A WAR ON
CHRISTMAS IT IS KENNEDY.
SHE BREAKS MORE SOUTHERN
STEREOTYPES THAN A WELL MANNERED HOGG.
HE IS A STANDUP COMEDIAN BY DAY
HE IS A STANDUP COMEDIAN BY DAY IN A HOT GIGOLO BY NIGHT,
IN A HOT GIGOLO BY NIGHT,
COMEDIAN JOE MACKIE.
HIS CLOTHES ARE LIKE THE CONSTITUTION, PASSED DOWN BY
CONSTITUTION, PASSED DOWN BY DEAD PEOPLE.
>> BEFORE WE GET TO SOME NEWS
STORIES, IT IS FRIDAY, SO IT IS
TIME FOR.
>> GREG’S LEFTOVERS.
>> TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR LEFTOVERS
.
WHERE GREG READS THE JOKES WE
DIDN’T GET THIS WEEK AND I KNOW
HE WOULDN’T WANT THEM TO GO TO
WASTE, SO I AM GOING TO GIVE IT
A GO.
LIKE GREG THIS IS MY FIRST TIME
READING THESE, SO IF IT’S BAD,
IT’S NOT MY FAULT.
NEW YORK CITY MAYOR ERIC ADAMS
WANTS TO APPARATUS CZAR TO RID
THE CITY OF RODENTS. 90 PERCENT OF THEM HAVE ALREADY
90 PERCENT OF THEM HAVE ALREADY
MOVED TO FLORIDA.
CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR GAVIN NEWSOM
TOLD POLITICO HE WON’T RUN FOR
PRESIDENT IN 2024 NO MATTER WHAT
GO BIDEN DOES FREIGHT SO YOU
HEARD IT HERE FIRST, EVEN IF JOE
BIDEN NUKES CANADA, GAVIN NEWSOM
WON’T RUN.
NEWSOM LATER ADDED THAT THE MAIN
REASON HE WON’T RUN IS THAT
BIDEN ALREADY HAS ENOUGH TO DEAL
WITH.
SPEAKING OF CALIFORNIA AT THE
STATE HAS RELEASED THOUSANDS OF
CONVICTED AFTER THEY SPENT JUST
MONTHS IN JAIL. CALIFORNIA, WHERE GAS COST $6
CALIFORNIA, WHERE GAS COST $6
AND ARE FREE.
THIS WEEK, PRESIDENT BIDEN SAID
TO A ROOMFUL OF REPORTERS QUOTE
TEN YEARS AGO, HOW MANY OF YOU
EVEN KNEW WHAT A SUPPLY CHAIN
WAS?
REPLIED ONE REPORTER, THAT’S
ONLY BECAUSE WE DIDN’T KNOW YOUR
SON, HUNTER.
IN AN INTERVIEW FORMER SANDBANK
BEEN FREED CLAIMS HE COMMITTED NO FRAUD FREIGHT IN HIS DEFENSE,
NO FRAUD FREIGHT IN HIS DEFENSE,
WHERE SAM GREW UP, FRAUD MEANS.
FOR THE HOLIDAYS, PIZZA HUT HAS
ANNOUNCED THE RETURN OF THEIR
TRIPLE TREAT BOX WHICH CONTAINS
TWO MEDIUM ONE TOPPING PIZZAS,
FIVE BREADSTICKS, AND TENANTS
AND A BUN MANY ROLES FREIGHT IF YOU CALL NOW THEY WILL THROW IN
YOU CALL NOW THEY WILL THROW IN A FREE HEART ATTACK.
A FREE HEART ATTACK.
A.
TO HIDE IN THE BACKGROUND OF
LITTLE MERMAID.
LAST WEEK OLD GEORGIA WOMAN GAVE
BIRTH TO A BABY GIRL AND AN
ATLANTIC McDONALD’S BUT SOME
OF THE WORKERS WERE SO MOVED
THEY TOOK THE TIME TO WASH THEIR
HANDS.
FINALLY, THE WORLD HEALTH
ORGANIZATION ANNOUNCED THAT THEY ARE CHANGING THE NAME OF
ARE CHANGING THE NAME OF
MONKEYPOX TO LIMIT THE.
OUR ALSO CHANGING THE NAME OF
COVID TO DON’T WORRY, IT’S JUST
ALLERGIES.
ALL RIGHT, NOW SOME ACTUAL NEWS.
THEY ARE RAISING THE ALARM ABOUT
CHINA PROPAGANDA ARM.
THE COMMUNIST CHINESE GOVERNMENT
HAS BEEN OPERATING TIK TOK
ACCOUNTS TO INFLUENCE AMERICAN
POLITICS AND ATTACKED REPUBLICAN
OFFICIALS THIS IS ON TOP OF A
DIABOLICAL YEARS LONG CAMPAIGN
TO PUNISH AMERICAN DINERS WITH
MUSTARD HOT ENOUGH TO MAKE YOUR
NOSEBLEED.
OF THE WASHINGTON, D.C. BASED
FOREIGN AGENT CALLED MEDIA LINKS
TV POSTED VIDEOS ON TIK TOK IN
THE RUN-UP TO THE MIDTERM
ELECTIONS WITH CAPTIONS OF
DISPARAGING CANDIDATES.
THAT IS SOMETHING THAT HAS
TRADITIONALLY BEEN THE SOLE
RESPONSIBILITY OF CNN, MSNBC,
AND CNBC.
THE POST NEVER DISCLOSE THEY
WERE COMING FROM THE CHINESE
GOVERNMENT TIK TOK OF ITSELF IS
OWNED BY A CHINESE COMPANY AND
THEY HAVE ACCUSED THE SOCIAL
MEDIA APPS OF SPYING ON AMERICANS ON BEHALF OF CHINA’S
AMERICANS ON BEHALF OF CHINA’S
COMMUNIST PARTY.
>> WHY DO YOU THINK THEY’RE
GOING OUT AFTER REPUBLICAN
SPECIFICALLY?
>> I THINK THEY’RE GOING AFTER
EVERYBODY.
DO YOU THINK THAT CHINESE
PROPAGANDA IS JUST RELEGATED TO
TIK TOK.
LIKE SOMEBODY WITH THREE GUINEA
PIGS IN A GAL IN A HOT CHICK IS
HITTING HIM UP ON HIS DM’S ON
INSTAGRAM? THAT’S NOT CHINESE PROPAGANDA.
THAT’S NOT CHINESE PROPAGANDA.
I STAY OFF TIK TOK.
I HAVE ALL THE MAKEUP TIPS I NEED, I LOOK LIKE A MAN AS IT IS
NEED, I LOOK LIKE A MAN AS IT IS
.
I REMEMBER THE BOOTS GUTTENBERG
D FORM THE EARLY 90s, SO I’M
GOOD.
I AM NOT ON TIK TOK. >> KENNEDY, YOUR UNABLE TO AVOID
>> KENNEDY, YOUR UNABLE TO AVOID
TEENAGERS AND RELY.
ARE THEY ON TIK TOK?
>> THEY ARE ON TIK TOK
CONSTANTLY.
I WAS FUNNY BECAUSE I WAS
THINKING ABOUT THE REASON THEY
ARE DISPARAGING TO REPUBLICANS
BECAUSE YOUNGER PEOPLE ARE ON
TIK TOK AND THEY HATE
REPUBLICANS BECAUSE THEY’VE
NEVER PAID TAXES.
SO ALL DEMOCRATS ARE DOING IS
PROMISING THEM FREE SO THEY
THINK THAT DEMOCRATS REALLY
REALLY GREAT.
WHEN THEY FINALLY START PAYING
TAXES, THEY PROBABLY WON’T BE
DISPARAGING REPUBLICANS AS MUCH. IT’S NOT JUST THE CHINESE, IT’S
IT’S NOT JUST THE CHINESE, IT’S
THE POST OFFICE.
EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA SITE YOU CAN
IMAGINE, SO I WAS THINKING ABOUT
THIS COMING ELON MUSK HAS
INSERTED HIMSELF INTO THE SOCIAL
MEDIA DISCUSSION BY BUYING
TWITTER.
MAYBE HE COULD DO THE SAME THING
WITH TEETH TALK.
MAYBE HE COULD JUST BUY CHINA.
>> THAT IS SUCH A GREAT IDEA. I’M SURE HE’S WATCHING I’M HEARD
I’M SURE HE’S WATCHING I’M HEARD
HE’S A BIG FAN OF THE SHOW.
YOU HAVE TIK TOK TENSES, IS THAT
WHAT YOU’RE DOING WITH YOUR TIME
?
>> FIRST OFF, KAT, I LOOK LIKE A
MAN AND I LIKE TO SAY THAT WHEN
EVER I CAN.
BUT MY DANCE VIDEOS AREN’T ON
TIK TOK, BUT THAT’S A BRILLIANT
IDEA BECAUSE I PUT MY DANCE
VIDEOS ON TIK TOK, I WILL SEDUCE
THE SPIES.
THEY WON’T HAVE A CHANCE TO
CRACKDOWN.
>> I THINK THE ONLY THING THAT
IS MISSING FROM THIS
CONVERSATION ABOUT COMPLEX
GEOPOLITICS IS WHAT DOES MICHAEL
THINK.
>> I JUST GOT THE TIK TOK AND I
LOVE IT.
IT IS THE CRACK COCAINE AS
SOCIAL ASPIRATE THERE’S TWO OF
THEM THERE IS THE CHINESE
VERSION IN THEN THE AMERICAN
VERSION, SERIOUSLY, THE WHOLE
THING IS LIKE IN AND OUTS.
THERE IS A SECRET ONE AND I
GUESS IN CHINA THEY ARE ALL
WATCHING HOW TO DO KUNG FU AND
MATH PROBLEMS AND STUFF BECAUSE
MY TIK TOK, I GET BEYOND ALL THE
TIME.
I’M PART OF A SHOW CALLED THAT
SHOW TONIGHT AND WE HAVE BEEN
BANNED TWICE MIGHT TIK TOK
BECAUSE WE ARE CRITICAL OF
WINNIE THE POOH.
>> IS THAT WHY?
>> S.
>> IS THAT WHY?
>> HAS.
>> MIGHT LEAVE JUST VIDEO HOW TO
ESCAPE YOUR APARTMENT WHEN THE
DOOR IS WELDED SHUT.
NO VIEWS.
SOME THINGS GOING ON.
COULD GET THE THING IS, TIK TOK
I DON’T THINK IS GOING ANYWHERE.
I DON’T THINK THEY COULD EVER
ACTUALLY BE IN IT.
THE TEENS WOULD BE SO UPSET.
>> A CALLED MY BROTHER ABOUT
THIS AND I WAS GOING TO MAKE A
JOKE ABOUT IT’S ONLY TEENAGERS
AND HE GOT REALLY ANGRY WITH ME.
HE SAID NO, THERE ARE VERY
SERIOUS POLITICAL DISCUSSIONS
AND SHOWS HAPPENING FREIGHT I
SAID OKAY.
I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT
HOBO TALK.
>> IS THAT LIKE BOMB FIGHTS, ARE
THEY COMING BACK?
>> THEY HAVE THE ODDLY
SATISFYING VIDEOS.
WHERE THEY JUST TAKE OUT
SOMEBODY’S EARWAX, I CAN’T GET
ENOUGH OF IT.
>> THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVE
WATCHING PIMPLES POPPED AND
EARWAX REMOVAL AND THEN THERE
ARE PEOPLE THAT ARE JUST
SICKENED BY IT AND WILL LEAVE
THE ROOM.
>> I DON’T LIKE TO WATCH, BUT I
LIKE TO DO IT.
LIKE MY HUSBAND WON’T LET ME
SQUEEZE HIS BLACKHEADS.
NOT TO GO OUT THERE AND SQUEEZE
ANOTHER MAN’S POCKETS?
BECAUSE IF I’M NOT GETTING IT AT
HOME, I’LL GET IT SOMEWHERE ELSE
.
>> IF YOU LET ME VIDEOTAPE IT,
WE COULD START A CHANNEL PER T
ALSO WATCHES A LOT OF TIK TOK
AND PRETENDS HE DOESN’T.
HE SAID YOU KNOW THAT WENT
AGAINST,.
YOU DO ACTUALLY KNOW THE WHOLE
THING.
TO KEEP THERE MIGHT BE MONEY IN
THAT FOR YOU.
>> I KNOW, ANYONE WATCHING, BUT
WANTS ME TO LET ME COME TO YOUR
HEAD AND SQUEEZE BLACKHEADS.
>> I JUST GOT HIT WITH THE
GREATEST MONEY MAKING IDEA.
POP BLACKHEADS WITH YOUR FEET.
>> WITH MY FEET.