From monsters and supercriminals to aliens and ordinary humans, Cartoon Network seems
to have just as many villains as it has heroes.
Whether they’re strong, smart, powerful, intimidating or even just funny, we love them
all!
But if they were put against each other in a series of Winner-Take-All death games, who
would come out on top?
I’m Brad with Wicked Binge, and this is “Which Cartoon Network Villain Would Win
Squid Game?”.
Before we list our contestants, a few quick ground rules.
Because so many Cartoon Network shows have multiple villains, we’re only going to be
allowing two villains per show, as we want to have a nice variety.
Additionally, everyone enters the games with no powers and no weapons and - for our gems
that are playing - no giant forms.
We’re putting everyone on as equal of a playing field as possible.
Finally, we aren’t going to be allowing any villains from imported Canadian shows,
Hanna-Barbera cartoons or DC animated shows - only Cartoon Network originals here.
With that all said, let’s introduce our contestants.
We have
Mandark (Dexter’s Lab), Mojo Jojo (PPG), HIM (PPG), the Red Guy (Cow & Chicken), Katz
(Courage the Cowardly Dog), Le Quack (Courage the Cowardly Dog), Eddy’s Brother (Ed Edd
n Eddy), Boogey (Grim Adventures), Aku (Samurai Jack), Cree (Codename:KND), Father (Codename:KND),
Scoutmaster Lumpus (Camp Lazlo), Endive (Chowder), Duchess (Foster’s Home), Terrance (Foster’s
Home), Vilgax (Ben 10), The Lich (Adventure Time), GBF (Regular Show), Rob (Amazing World
of Gumball), Jasper (Steven Universe), White Diamond (Steven Universe), Agent Trout (We
Bare Bears), Lord Boxman (OK K.O.), Professor Venomous (OK K.O.) and King Xavier (Craig
of the Creek).
(Writer’s note: I put show titles here for the editor’s sake, they don’t need to
be read out loud in the voice recording)
Our 25 villains are ready to go, so let’s get started!
As always, we’ll start with our first game: “Red Light, Green Light”.
“Red Light, Green Light” is a game that’s all about speed and sharp listening skills.
The goal is to make it to the finish line as fast as you can.
However, if a player is too focused on the finish line to realize when a ‘red light’
is coming up, or if they easily panic and accidentally move or stumble when they’re
supposed to freeze, this game could spell their doom.
We feel like the one who would easily be leading the pack would be Katz.
After all, while he may be a sort of businessman, he’s also often eager to play games and
is incredibly skilled at them.
He’d have no problems with this challenge.
Another top player in this round would have to be Jasper.
Though headstrong and mostly focused on combat, Jasper is a highly trained soldier, able to
keep her cool in dangerous situations in addition to following orders.
Although Mojo may have a hard time staying quiet, he doesn’t have any problems with
listening or picking up on key details.
He’s a super genius, after all, and pretty athletic too.
We also have to give credit to GBF, as he’s another CN character who can be pretty skilled
at gaming, given that he had enough coordination and focus to get the top score on the game
‘Broken Bonez’.
As for our first losers of the game, we’d have to say that Terrence probably falls pretty
quickly.
He’s a dumb and obnoxious teen boy who isn’t very skilled and can be both arrogant and
easily freaked out.
We just can’t see him lasting very long.
The same goes for his fellow Foster’s Home character, Duchess.
This is an imaginary friend who’s incredibly spoiled, self-centered and totally stubborn,
being the type to demand that everyone else do things for her instead of doing them herself.
There’s no way she’s making it through.
As for Lumpus, he’s not really the type to take games too seriously, being such a
grump.
If anything, he’s more focused on trying to sabotage others, eager to make others as
miserable as he is - which ends up only sabotaging himself in this instance.
The final death for this game is, unsurprisingly, Eddy’s brother.
We don’t know a whole ton about Eddy’s brother, other than the fact that he’s not
nearly as cool as people say and he likes picking on little kids for fun.
Similar to Lumpus, we feel like his arrogance would be his downfall in a game like this.
With 21 characters left, it’s time for our next game - “Ppopgi” or Honeycomb.
The Honeycomb game requires patience and a steady hand.
Too much shaking or pressure could cause a fatal break.
As such, our contestants will need to have enough focus to poke out their shape without
accidentally breaking it.
Starting off with our top players, we easily feel like Endive passes this game with flying
colors.
She’s a chef, after all, so not only does she have steady hands, but she also likely
knows the secret to getting the honeycomb out.
We have to, again, give praise to Katz, as he is a very crafty and intelligent cat, as
well as patient, precise and always calm.
This game was practically made for a guy like him.
Mandark is another character who is able to pass thanks to his talents.
He’s a kid inventor and as such likely knows how to handle fragile objects with care.
As for our losers, we sadly have to say goodbye to Father.
While he likely would have done pretty well in some of the other rounds, he just doesn’t
have the patience or the anger control to win this one.
We also have to say goodbye to both Vilgax and Jasper.
Both of these characters are incredibly strong, being some of the most physical CN villains
around.
Unfortunately, strength can be a pretty big detriment in this game, especially if the
characters using it aren’t normally the most careful or cautious.
With several more deaths marked off, we’re down to only 18 villains left on the board.
Following the Honeycomb game, we of course have “The Midnight Brawl”.
Lack of food and sleep plus the stress of staying alive can drive any person to the
point of violence, and in these games, it’s every player for themself.
To survive this game, a person must be either strong enough to fight or clever and sneaky
enough to hide.
So, who would be able to either fend off attackers or properly hide themselves until the brawl
was over?
Although Aku normally doesn’t fight for himself, we see in the season 4 episode “Jack
VS Aku” that he actually manages to stand on his own when in ‘human’ form.
He may not be able to fairly beat someone as skilled as Jack, but given that no one
in this game is allowed to use any weapons - holy or otherwise - we don’t think Aku
has much to worry about.
Cree would also be a standout in this game, as she is one of the strongest and most skilled
fighters in the KND universe, being both a top KND operative as well as a top Teen operative
when she gets older.
As for our more stealthy characters, Le Quack is easily quick and clever enough to find
a good hiding spot.
He’s also a great manipulator and would likely be able to form alliances and get others
to both fight for him and protect him.
HIM is another character who would probably be able to subtly manipulate characters, even
without his powers.
We also can’t forget those lobster claws of his, which would work as an effective defense.
Moving onto the losers, we have to say goodbye to Boogey.
While he may work in the dark, the Boogeyman really isn’t all that powerful.
In fact, he’s pretty weak and can’t do much to fight or protect himself.
We also have to say goodbye to Rob.
For as much as this kid may have tried to be an intimidating nemesis, he doesn’t have
many strengths or advantages going for him.
Additionally, his static-y head would make it very hard for him to hide.
The same thing could be said about White Diamond, who also dies here.
She does describe herself as ‘homeworld’s light’, after all.
Not great for a game played in the dark, and without access to her powers of mind control
(which only really works on gems, anyway), she’s left pretty defenseless.
We’re also going to be eliminating King Xavier.
He’s the type of kid-king who will rely on others, such as his champions and his ex-BFF,
Maya, to fight for him.
Unfortunately, his lack of actual talent and skill on his part make him pretty easy to
defeat.
After another deadly round, we’re now down to only 14 characters, and just in time for
another strength-based game - “Tug of War”.
Unlike the actual “Squid Game”, we aren’t going to assign characters to specific teams.
Instead, we’re simply going to judge them based on their abilities and likelihood to
survive.
To win “Tug of War”, you don’t just need strength.
You also need strategy, and a willingness to work with others.
Even weaker players have a shot at surviving if they can coordinate properly with stronger
players.
Right off the bat, we can safely say that characters such as Agent Trout and Cree are
pretty safe when it comes to this particular game.
All three of these characters have shown that they can easily lead teams or squads with
a pretty high success rate.
They’re also decent strategists as well as very determined - there’s no way they’re
going down in this game.
We’re also going to say that Endive is safe, simply based on strength alone.
She’s one of the biggest characters left in the game, and it’s likely that she could
win a round of tug-of-war all by herself if she needs to.
Unfortunately, we can’t say the same for Mandark.
The kid is pretty much a twig, and while he was able to use his intelligence to save himself
in the last round, there’s no real hiding from the long drop in this game.
Add in the fact that he isn’t much of a team player alongside his annoying nature
making it hard for anyone on his team to actually listen to him, and you’ve got a recipe for
doom.
Moving on, we sadly have to say goodbye to the Red Guy.
While crafty, the Red Guy seems to crave authority, based on the disguises he chooses.Needless
to say, he’s pretty arrogant, which would make working with any sort of team pretty
hard for him.
We’re also going to be eliminating Aku for similar reasons.
Being ‘the ultimate evil’, is going to give you a big head.
As such, we could see Aku absolutely refusing to be anything but team leader.
Unfortunately for him and his team, Aku isn’t the best strategist nor is he the best commander,
using a very headstrong approach that doesn’t always work when put up against people who
can defend against that.
Our final death of this round is going to be the Lich.
Ironically enough, the Lich only dies here because of the nature of the challenge.
The Lich is a creature who hates all life more than anything else.
Being attached to a team full of people, we feel that he would feel pretty neutral about
the whole thing, not having much self-preservation or a determination to win - as whether the
other team dies or his own team dies, he’s satisfied either way.
The games are halfway over and we still have 10 villains left!
Up next, we have “The Marble Game”.
Marbles is an interesting one, at least in the context of “Squid Game”.
There are multiple ways for pairs of players to play their marble game.
They could focus on accuracy or how far they can roll their marble, or they can simply
guess how many marbles are in their opponent’s hand.
As such, there are multiple ways to win, with most of these ways relying on either skill
or luck.
Of course, if you don’t have the skills to win, there’s always manipulation…
Obviously, characters like Katz, Le Quack and HIM would all be near the top if we’re
going off manipulation skills alone.
Each of these characters are masters at being tricky and snake-like, and we can’t see
any of them losing this round - Katz especially since, again, he’s all about his little
games.
As for the marble game itself, we feel like Mojo and Prof. Venomous have the best chances
at winning their game.
For Mojo, we once again have to bring up his intelligence - which could easily give him
an advantage in whatever type of game he and his partner decided to play.
With Venomous, he’s both smart and cool-headed, which would make him all the harder to distract
or manipulate.
But of course, if these five survive, then it’s safe to say which of the other five
don’t.
The first one on the chopping block is Lord Boxman.
While we feel he would have been patient enough to survive the Honeycomb challenge, it’s
Marbles that would finally get the best of both him and his temper.
The same could be said for Endive.
She would very much be out of her element here, not having the skills needed for the
actual marble game, nor does she have very impressive manipulation skills when compared
to our other villains.
Though a front-runner in many of our games, this is also where GBF falls.
As seen in his debut episode, it’s easy to get him flustered and make him lose focus,
which can then make him desperately resort to violence - but we all know that’s against
the rules.
Finishing off this section, we have Agent Trout and Cree.
Both of these characters are pretty skilled in their own right, but unfortunately being
average in certain fields can be just enough of a detriment to get you eliminated in these
deadly games - and when put directly up against some of the smartest and slyest characters
in the CN canon?
Yeahhh, these two didn’t stand a chance.
With that, we’re now down to only 5 contestants - and just in time for one of this competition's
deadliest games: “Glass Stepping Stones”.
This game is another tricky one for a hypothetical scenario, as much of this game relies on luck.
There is ONE strategy to it, however, that being the advantage of going last - after
some glasses pieces have already been broken.
As such, those who have a big enough ego to want to try a game first will likely seal
their doom.
The first death of this round is going to be the one and only Mojo Jojo.
Mojo is a very active antagonist.
While he will plot, he also has somewhat of an ego, and if he was confident in himself,
we could easily see him trying to go first.
After him, the next one we feel would die is Le Quack.
Similar to Mojo, while Le Quack is no dummy, he would probably be feeling very confident
and cocky at this point, leading to his doom.
Rounding out this round’s losers, we have Prof. Venomous.
He honestly had the best chance at making it through this game alive.
Unfortunately for him, we felt that two other baddies just stood a better chance.
Those characters, of course, being Katz and HIM.
As a literal cat, Katz can be both light on his feet as well as careful when he needs
to be.
He’s patient and very smart, which would make memorizing the pattern very easily.
He’s also no pushover - in fact, he’d probably be the one doing the pushing, if
you get what we mean.
As for HIM, he’s a guy who is very much entertained by the pain and misfortune of
others, so we feel like he’d happily go last - not necessarily as a strategy, but
simply so he could watch the others fail.
HIM is also pretty ruthless as well, making it even easier for him to reach the end of
the glass bridge regardless of whether or not anyone is in his way.
We’re down to only two villains - clearly the best of the worst baddies around - so
it’s time for a one-on-one duel as we head into the titular Squid Game.
In this game, two opponents must go up against one another, with one acting as a defender
and the other as an attacker, with the attacker doing everything they can to reach the top
of the court (or the squid’s ‘head’) and touch it with their foot, with the defender
doing whatever they can to stop them.
Or at least, that’s how Squid Game is traditionally played.
Here though, it’s more of a ‘battle to the death’ type of deal.
This one, in all honesty, didn’t take too much time to figure out, and we can easily
say that the one who dies here is Katz.
Don’t get us wrong, Katz has a ton of advantages and skills at his disposal.
He’s cunning, talented, VERY evil and completely sinister as well as sadistic.
But for as much as Katz has going for him, he’s still…
just a cat.
Hell, even Muriel was able to overpower him in his debut episode, simply being able to
hit him with a racquet and knock him out.
The only reason why he was able to survive the Midnight Brawl was because he could hide
and take others by surprise as well as potentially team up with others, but there’s no hiding
in this final round.
HIM, meanwhile, is still a force to be reckoned with even without access to his supernatural
powers.
He’s still much taller than Katz, naturally stronger and faster than Katz, and we can’t
forget about those claws.
There’s a chance that Katz could maybe outsmart HIM, but without an actual opening to try
and follow through on whatever strategies he may have, they might as well not even be
a factor.
So, it would seem that HIM, the most evil entity in Townsville, now has a new title:
Squid Game champion.
But let us know in the comment section if you agree with our results, and tell us what
we should cover next!
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