When you think of a man with low self-esteem, you rarely think of playboys, Pick Up Artists,
or that mate from uni who is shagging a new girl every second day.
But the truth is, that there is a huge difference between being socially confident around women
and being a confident man, and a low core self esteem is one of the primary drivers
for most of these men to sleep with as many women as they do.
This concept first came to my attention in my early days as a dating coach.
I was invited to speak at a big pick up artist convention, and I arrived excited to meet
other men in my line of work who were as confident and happy with their lives as I was.
But when I was ushered into the backstage area with all the other coaches, I couldn't
have been more shocked...
It was like high school all over again, but WAY WAYYY worse...
Every guy there was trying so hard to be more cool than the other guys..
There was forced dominant hand shaking, purposeful breaking of eye contact to show superiority,
shifting of body language to feign disinterest and the list went on....
This was clearly a room of insecure little boys trying really hard to be 'cool', not
the room full of self-actualised confident men I had been expecting.
For more famous examples, you need only look to dating celebreties like 'Mystery' from
the best selling book about Pick Up Artists called 'The Game', who suffered with debilitating
bouts of depression or the writer himself Neil Strauss who famously wrote about his
battle with sex addiction after his time in the Pick up artist community.
But this wasn't just limited to the Pick Up Artist community..
I started looking more closely at the lives of all the men I knew who slept with a really
high volume of women, and 90% of them were stuck in a vicious cycle.
It all beings when they start to feel low self esteem creeping up on them, so they go
and pick up a woman to make themslves feel better - Sure enough, the validation you get
from a woman agreeing to have sex with you is a HUGE rush, and you feel like a god for
a day or two...
Then the low self esteem begins to creep back in, so you need to go find another woman to
validate you and make you feel awesome again.
And so, just like a drug addiction, these guys are getting stuck in a cycle of highs
and lows as they use women to medicate their unmanaged self-confidence issues.
One of the primary causes for this behavior comes down to a simple fact - What separates
men who are great with women but are emotionally unwell, and men who are great with women AND
well adjusted, mature, confident males is their attitudes towards acting with integrity.
I was very lucky to learn a critical lesson about self esteem in my early 20s that enabled
me to go on to become a confident man - My core self confidence, and my integrity are
intimately linked and I can't have one without the other.
That is, if I act without integrity, I lose self-esteem.
If I act with integrity, I gain self esteem.
You see, if I lie to a woman to get her to sleep with me, I'm sub-consciously reinforcing
my belief that I'm not good enough to be interesting to her as I REALLY am.
This isn't just about blatant lies, such as pretending to be a studio producer to sleep
with actresses...
This is also about all the little deceptions most men regularly engage in.. like pretending
to be busy by not replying to her message for a day or two... or acting as though I
have more money than I really do...
Talking up my job to sound more important than I really am...
And the list goes on.
And few men engage in this type of deception more frequently than the majority of players,
pick up artists, and playboys.
So even though they are successful with lots of women, they are in a self-reinforced cycle
of self-esteem self-abuse.
It is this habit of deception that causes the world to feel so negatively about men
who decide to get dating coaching.
In truth, no woman would hold it against a man who wants to become better with women
by being completely honest and genuine at the same time.
And after over 8 years of teaching men to attract women by acting with integrity, I
can tell you for absolute sure that you will find MORE women being attracted to you when
you behave this way, and not fewer as so many of us fear will be the case.
So for all you men out there who are dissatisfied with your dating lives and embarking on a
journey of getting better with women, the only way to make yourself a truly more confident
man, is to make the decision RIGHT NOW that from this moment onwards, you'll cut out all
forms of deception.
It will be hard at first, but it's the only way.
If more men embraced this way of thinking, then learning to be better with women would
cease to be socially shameful, and men's self-esteem issues could get the due attention they deserve
from the world.
Do you have friends who are at risk of falling into this deception trap?
Please share this video with them, and help make the world a better place.
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