For a long time, masks have been a required accessory
for superheroes or people just trying
to get into an Eyes Wide Shut orgy.
By the way, the secret password is
"I'm here for the orgy, one."
Now, when the coronavirus pandemic began,
the CDC said people didn't need to wear masks
unless they were showing symptoms.
But a couple of weeks ago, they changed their mind
after realizing that if everyone wore masks in public,
it could stop people from spreading the disease.
Also, they ran a series of tests and realized that,
"Damn, people are ugly."
Now, this all seems reasonable enough, right?
Everyone just needs to wear a mask
when you're gonna be outside around other people.
But apparently,
it's the furthest thing from simple.
WOMAN: In the city of Stillwater, Oklahoma,
an emergency proclamation requiring the use of face masks
in stores and restaurants was amended
after reports employees were being verbally abused
and threatened with violence
for trying to enforce the order.
MAN: In Miami Beach, one park is now shut down
after police issued more than 7,000 warnings over the weekend
to people not wearing face masks.
MAN 2: In Michigan, a security guard was shot
after a dispute with a customer over a face mask.
MAN 3: Police are also looking for this man,
who wiped his nose on a clerk's shirt
when he was asked why he wasn't wearing a face covering.
Whoa!
Why are people so angry?
Forget a vaccine.
Scientists need to start working on a chill pill.
Health officials are asking
for us to cover our faces to protect ourselves,
and everyone's acting like they have to get spayed and neutered.
And the people who don't wear masks
are ruining it for everyone.
Like, now, they had to close down that entire park in Miami.
And Miami, you know I love you, but what are you doing,
getting mad about being asked to cover your face?
I've been to Miami.
Nobody's looking at anybody's faces.
But if we know that masks can help save lives
and stop the spread of coronavirus,
why are so many people refusing
to wear masks when they go out in public?
Well, one reason is that, just, honestly,
they're not super comfortable.
And one woman in Kentucky found a solution
that... totally didn't work.
A Kentucky woman is going viral for the way she wears a mask.
This woman was caught on camera shopping
with a hole cut in the middle of her protective mask.
She claims it made it "easier to breathe
since everyone is required to wear a mask while out."
Of course, the CDC is advising
that masks should cover both the nose and mouth completely.
Okay, I'll be honest.
I get where this woman is coming from.
Wearing a mask can make it a little harder to breathe.
But you know what can make it a lot harder to breathe?
Coronavirus.
Like, I think
some people might be missing the point of the mask.
It's not about conforming.
It's about safety.
Can you imagine if people brought this attitude to sex?
"Don't worry, babe. Of course I used a condom.
"Yeah, I just ripped the top off,
"because it was really uncomfortable
"for my penis, and it made it look like it was robbing a bank.
But we're good. We're totally safe."
Now, another reason people might not be wearing a mask is,
maybe they just don't have one.
But remember, it doesn't have to be an actual medical mask
right now to be effective, right?
Anything that covers your nose and mouth can help.
Although, I will say, one guy in San Diego
got a little too creative with his coverage.
MAN: Outrage is growing over a man
seen wearing a Ku Klux Klan hood
inside of a Vons grocery store near San Diego.
Other shoppers took pictures of the man,
seen Saturday in the city of Santee.
Store clerks reportedly asked the man
to remove the hood or leave.
He finally took it off while he was in line,
then paid for his items and left.
Santee's mayor and others have condemned the incident.
Detectives from the San Diego County Sheriff's Department
are now investigating and will pursue any appropriate charges.
Wow. Wearing a Klan hood as a face mask.
That seems counterproductive,
'cause, I mean, you might be protecting yourself from corona,
but you're definitely gonna get a case of ass whipping.
And I know this guy thought he was being intimidating,
wearing a KKK mask in public, but
I'm sorry, man. You're in a grocery store.
I can't be scared of anyone buying Go-Gurt.
Plus, I like how he only wore the hood. Yeah.
So he was at home like,
"Should I put the robe on, as well?
"No, no, no. No, no, no.
I'm a moderate Klansman."
Now, if you've been watching the protests
going on around the country, it's clear that for some people,
not wearing a mask is a matter of principle,
because, apparently, in America,
you don't just have the right to bare arms.
You also have the right to bare face.
MAN: In Houston, you could get a $1,000 fine
for not wearing a mask.
That's led to at least one lawsuit
and complaints of government overreach.
These mandatory masks amount to government overreach.
There is now a lawsuit over face mask requirements
here in Harris County.
WOMAN: There are many people who are unhappy with the order.
Close to 150 demonstrators protested the mask mandate.
WOMAN: I don't want to wear a mask.
I don't want the government telling me what to do.
You cannot allow the government to overreach the Constitution,
because if-if you... if you... if you allow that,
and then, what else is next?
Only God knows.
Hell, yeah!
I'm sick of the government telling us what to do!
Telling us to wear masks!
You got those red lights that tell us when we can drive,
stopping me from buying romaine lettuce
because it has E. coli on it!
Some of us like the taste of E. coli!
It's called a refined palette!
You know, I'll be honest. I've never understood
why some people complain so much about a nanny state.
Nannies are awesome!
I mean, they let you take afternoon naps.
They always have a little baggie of Goldfish.
They let you watch TV all day while they stare at their phone.
In fact, when this is over,
I want to hire a nanny for myself.
I want to eat Goldfish!
So the question remains:
why are so many Americans resistant
to wearing a mask in public?
I mean, maybe it's a comfort thing.
Maybe it's an aversion to taking orders.
Or maybe they just want to show off that pasty quarantine skin.
Another reason might be
that their leaders are leading by example.
Only.... the wrong example.
The CDC is advising the use of non-medical cloth face covering
as an additional voluntary public health measure.
So, it's voluntary. You don't have to do it.
I don't think I'm gonna be doing it.
WOMAN: U.S. Vice President Mike Pence now says
he should have worn a mask during his visit
to the renowned Mayo Clinic last week.
MAN: Governor Eric Holcomb is apologizing this morning
after a Facebook photo shows him taking a selfie
with two people and not wearing a mask.
MAN 2: This Ohio state representative says
he won't be wearing a mask because of religious reasons.
Republican representative Nino Vitale says
our nation was founded on Judeo-Christian principles,
and one of those principles is
that we are all created in the image and likeness of God,
and that image is seen the most by our face.
Okay. Wow.
That is a bold religious stance from that lawmaker.
And I don't know if going out without a mask
is a way to honor God,
but it's definitely a way to meet him sooner.
Like, where is he even getting this from?
Because I've been to Sunday school.
I don't remember this being in the Ten Commandments.
I don't remember Moses coming down like,
"And Commandment Number Nine--
Thou shall not cover all of this."
So, look, I don't even understand
how a public health issue
like wearing a mask became so politicized.
But it is weird to me, it is really weird to me
that so many of these people who refuse to wear masks
claim to be proud patriots
who would do anything for their country.
Because right now, America is at war with the coronavirus,
and if you're going out in public without wearing a mask,
well, then, you're fighting for the other side.
That's our show for tonight.
But before we go, please remember
that the COVID pandemic
has devastated communities around the world.
But the International Medical Corps
is helping those communities to rebuild and recover.
And you can help them to help others,
so please donate whatever you can.
And if you'd like to support the response
here in New York City specifically,
then you can go to the NYC Healthcare Heroes,
and you can help those people who are providing care packages
to our health care workers, hospitals
and temporary medical facilities.
Until tomorrow, stay safe out there,
wash your hands,
and remember, delete your calendar app.
You don't need it anymore.