- Why?
Why?
Just why?
Warning: Do not use your sparkling water maker
for anything other than carbonating water.
Use of the sparkling water maker for any unintended purposes
may result in serious personal injury.
(upbeat music)
All right.
It's time to do some science,
or I guess what can pass for science
when you're not a scientist.
Look, I got a bunch of liquids.
I want to see if they carbonate,
and so I'm going to take you along with me
while I carbonate all this stuff and rank them,
because not all carbonated beverages are built the same.
I, as someone that's built different,
should be able to rank these things.
So the reason I wanted to do all this in the first place
is because I used to drink a lot of this stuff,
and I always wondered to myself,
what would this be like bubbly?
Yes, that was like 10 years ago,
but I kept wondering it the whole time,
and I'm really excited to find out.
Science isn't about why. It's about why not.
(machine whirring)
Oh God.
Oh, foamy, foamy, foamy. (slurps)
Mmm.
I've only just realized how messy this video is gonna be.
While I won't say it made it better,
it definitely didn't make it worse.
This is A-tier carbonation.
What's next?
Let's add some bubbles to bubble tea.
I'm using the straw as a knife, as God intended.
There we go.
Oh God.
Oh no.
Okay. It's just dripping a little bit.
It's fine. We're fine.
Everything's fine.
Oh, that's way worse.
Oh, that's not good.
No, no, no.
There's enough bubbles in boba as it is.
Stick with the bubbles that are already there.
It kind of tastes like a bad root beer float. (burps)
This gets a D, because I can't say it made me throw up.
Do you think Jell-O is a liquid?
Yeah, see?
Let's see if it carbonates.
I'm absolutely destroying Flubber right now.
What a great movie.
That's the kind of movie that would never be made today.
This is so jiggly.
It's like my butt.
This is probably some ASMR for someone. Listen.
(Jell-O squelching)
And for everyone else, I'm sorry.
I'm not so sure if this one's gonna work.
There's no knowing until we try.
(machine whirring)
(Dakota laughs)
I only got a jiggle.
Okay. Let's try this. (mimics drinking)
This didn't even carbonate at all.
It just made the Jell-O jiggle.
As far as foods go, I love Jell-O.
I would give it an A.
As far as carbonated things go, this is an F,
because it just didn't carbonate.
Mademoiselle, would you like some champagne?
Yeah, that certainly is a $10 bottle of wine.
Let's see if this makes it any better.
Oh god.
No, no, no, no, no. Whoa.
Who knew making champagne was so messy?
We lost like half of the wine.
Champagne? For me?
It's actually not terrible.
It's not horribly far away from champagne.
I think that that aerated the wine a little bit.
It released the tannins.
B. B.
I think I need some more alcohol to follow that up.
Whiskey time.
Never in my entire life have I thought to myself,
wow, this whiskey is really good,
but you know what it could be?
Bubblier.
Oh, that's bubbly whiskey.
Mmm.
What do you know?
I would never ask for this or want it again.
Absolutely not.
F minus G, H. I don't know.
Just never let me have that ever again.
I'm gonna go lie down for just five minutes.
(burps) Ooh.
Physically I've recovered, but mentally I may never.
I never said these had to be beverages, just liquids.
Hmm. Pretty average pasta sauce.
I think this is gonna work a bit better than Jell-O.
It is more of a liquid.
It's definitely thick, a thickuid, if you will.
(machine bubbling)
Mmm.
Oh, that's weird.
There's only one way I can really determine if this is good,
and that's to put it on some noodles.
This isn't a flavor experience.
This is a sensory experience.
I'm sure there's some weird experimental chef
that would serve you carbonated pasta sauce
for like $800 a plate, and I'm telling you, don't pay that.
Make it at home.
You'll only be slightly disappointed.
It's a solid C.
I wouldn't eat it again, but it's not making me feel sick,
which is a low bar, but it's the one we're at right now.
This is the one I'm most scared for.
I don't know if you've ever heard of thick water.
I wish I hadn't.
It's viscous water, somewhere between water and lube.
That's not appealing.
All right. I'm gonna just try this.
Smells like nothing.
Oh my God.
I'm getting something I can throw up into
because I have a very strong feeling I'm going to puke.
Oh, look at how slowly that pours.
Oh, dear lord.
Okay. I gotta get it off quickly.
Oh no, that looks... (sobs)
If I sit here long enough, will it go away?
Oh my God.
It's disgusting, but it improved it.
Neither of them are good.
I'm getting them both Fs.
But this gets an F+.
It took one of the worst things
I've ever experienced gastronomically,
and it made it slightly, slightly tolerable.
It's just so slimy.
Remember, you are not supposed to swallow mouthwash,
so I am just doing this for the feeling.
I want to feel something.
(machine gurgling)
Cool.
(machine gurgling)
Oh, mmm. I can't get it off.
Don't use this with mouthwash.
Do not.
Oh, okay. Oh, goodness.
F, F, F, F, F.
I hate mouthwash, and that was just...
I hate you. Go away.
Never come back, mouthwash.
All right, this abomination
that some people like to call maple syrup
is not maple syrup, but if you accept it for what it is,
thick sugar water, it can be tolerable.
But I refuse to call it maple syrup.
As a Vermont boy, it would be blasphemous.
Let's see if we can break it.
(machine gurgling)
Sorry. I was having an existential crisis.
D. Anything's better than mouthwash.
Honestly, now I can see that.
Very sweet.
It's like thick Coke.
If you wanted to choke on some thick Coke, now you can,
for the low, low price of $2.99.
We're almost there.
I kinda want to just remember
what seltzer water tastes like, so...
Oh, it's so neutral.
So perfect.
S tier. No contest.
Oh, that's hot.
I love hot sauce.
I like hot, spicy things, but this? This might break me.
Here we go.
Ooh boy.
Why?
Just why?
(Dakota retches)
F. Don't add bubbles to hot sauce.
Just don't do it.
It's like, oh, you know that thing that hurts to eat?
You wanna make it more painful?
Wow, Dakota, what a great video idea you had here.
Just want to torture yourself, apparently.
We finally arrived at the last thing, milk.
This is still dripping,
which makes me think that this milk is gonna be spicy.
All right. We all know what milk tastes like.
Delicious to me.
A+ tier beverage. To some, F- tier beverage.
I (beep)ing love milk. I'm sorry.
I'm probably lactose intolerant,
and I'm definitely carbonated lactose intolerant.
I'm scared.
And it only smells a little bit
like hot sauce and mouthwash.
That's just rotten milk.
How has this taken milk that was perfectly fresh
and instantly spoiled it?
It's barely bubbly. It just tastes sour.
I brought some chocolate sauce
to hopefully try and make it better,
but, oh, as it sits, this is a D.
Let's add chocolate sauce. See if it's any better
Carbonated chocolate milk.
Okay. I can get behind that.
That's good. That's good.
You ever have an egg cream?
This basically tastes exactly like an egg cream.
Carbonated chocolate milk, B.
Chocolate helps everything.
So what have we learned here today?
We've learned that carbonated iced tea slaps,
and we've learned that carbonating anything else
is a bad idea.
Leave it to the professionals.
They know what to do.
Just use the SodaStream for water.
Add flavors after the fact.
Don't try to stick anything else in it.
Please, for the love of God.
You're gonna ruin your SodaStream and yourself.
I am ruined, I am broken, and I need a nap.
Thank you so much for watching.
SodaStream, please do not send me a cease and desist.
(upbeat music)