-Aw, man.
This Valentine's shindig is a total sausage party.
[sausages carousing]
Boy, is it ever! [laughs]
-How are we gonna turn this around?
We need to get some ladies in here.
-Did somebody say... ladies?
-Um... how long have you been hiding behind the toaster?
-Emmett the Oven Mitt has been hiding behind that toaster
for quite some time, but what does Emmett do
when he's not creeping behind appliances?
Emmett handles hot stuff,
hot pots, hot pans,
hot women. [sultry music playing]
-Does Emmett also speak in the third person?
-Emmett speaks exclusively in third person.
Here's Emmett's card.
-Cool!
Are you gonna teach me how to find true "glove"? [laughs]
-Okay, here comes a lady now.
Observe the Emmett in action.
Bonjour.
-Oh, do you speak French?
-Emmett certainly does.
He knows how to say "hello," as well as "good-bye."
-Oh, I must say, I am impressed.
Normally, I'm too hot for men to handle.
-Emmett specializes in handling "hot" things.
Here's Emmett's card.
-Oh, Emmett. [giggles gleefully]
-Au revoir, and that's how it's done.
Now, who's gonna be first at bat?
-Um... -Fear is not an option.
Like Emmett always says:
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
-Why would I get out of the kitchen?
I live here! [laughs]
-You, annoying one, you're up. Here comes a lady now.
Emmett will hide behind the toaster and coach you.
-Hey, Orange. -Bone juice, Passion.
-It's "bonjour," you fool.
-Bonbon. -Huh?
-No. -Banjo?
-No! -Uh...
I'll catch you later, Orange. -Sounds good.
Orange-wa. [laughs]
-It's "au revoir." [groans]
-Well, I think that went pretty well.
-That went horribly.
Did you listen to a single thing Emmett taught you?
-Yo, hate the game, not the playa.
-[grumbles]
-Uh-oh. Emmett's getting heated.
-Emmett is not getting heated. Emmett never gets heated.
As Emmett always says, if you can't stand the heat,
don't tickle the dragon. You know what Emmett's sayin'?
-Uh... not really.
-Orange, you wanna woo Passion? You've got to practice.
So practice on Emmett. Pretend Emmett is Passion.
-Pretend you're Passion? Okay. [clears throat]
Whoa, Passion! When did you turn into an oven mitt? [laughs]
-Keep your cool, Emmett. Keep your--
-Hey! Hey, Passion! Want to see what I can do?
-Yes, Orange, because as a lady, I dig guys with special talents.
-[blowing raspberry]
-That is not attractive.
-Nya-nya-nya-nya-nya-nya-nya... [babbling]
-It appears Emmett has his work cut out for him.
-What? You need a "hand"? [laughs]
'Cause you're a glove. -That's it.
Time for Emmett to kick up the heat.
[smooth jazz playing]
Music, gifts, mood lighting-- no lady can resist it.
You need all the help you can get.
-Excuse me, is it Emmett? Emmett the Oven Mitt?
-I certainly am. Here's Emmett's card.
And you are?
-I'm seriously offended;
you never call me back, you jerk.
-Snap!
-Oh! The mitt's about to hit the fan, boys!
-Emmett can handle it.
Remember, if you can't stand the heat,
don't tamper with the thermostat.
Know what Emmett's sayin'? -No, I don't.
Perhaps you could explain it to me over the phone sometime!
-Oh, my God, is that Emmett the Oven Mitt?
-Um, hello, ladies.
-[derisively]: I tried calling you at that number on your card.
-Me too! It was fake!
-Ladies, let's all chillax a little.
-Ohhhh! Emmett wants us to chilaxxx!
-[excitedly]: Did someone say Emmett?
-[screeching]: Get him!
[ladies exclaiming]
-Emmett, hey!
-Emmett is busy right now.
-Hey, Emmett! Hey!
-What? -You're fired. [laughs]
-That's fine. You're beyond help anyway.
-No. Fired. -Huh?
[screaming]
[ladies cheer] -Well...
play with fire and you're gonna get bur--
-Whoa! Place looks great, Orange.
Love the lighting! -[wink!]
[farts]
Captioned by StreamCaptions.com
[laughs] Knife!