Hey there, this is Clay and today is video number three in the video series that we're
doing here on a five little kind of tweaks or, or pivots that you need to make in order
to really have a much easier time getting back together with your ex.
You know, if it's felt really difficult or hard to get through to them to really get
through this chapter of your life and really kind of bring the two of you back together,
then you're definitely gonna want to pay attention to these videos because with a couple of little
tweaks, you're, you're going to find that things become a whole lot easier.
Okay.
So, we, we talked before about no contact rule and all that.
We talked about a retraction and all that.
And so today this actually is inspired by a message that we got.
And this was a person who, you know, they, they met up with her ex, they were talking
with them.
They had some kind of interaction with their ex and then after that they, they, they were
concerned that things didn't go well, that there wasn't this like sort of popping and
snapping a sense of connection, infatuation, you know, this romantic whirlwind between
the two of them and they wanted to know what was going on, what could they do to make that
happen.
And here is kind of where this, this, this next phase come, this next video topic comes
in and this is really on the topic of expectations.
Okay, now when a lot of people talk about expectations, they talk about like, Oh, you
need to lower your expectations.
You need to expect nothing from the world.
That way when you get nothing, you won't be disappointed.
And that's not what I'm talking about at all.
I'm not talking about becoming an Eor here and you know, expecting to be disappointed
in chronically depressed for the rest of your life or anything like that.
All I am asking you to do is to leave behind these ideas about what it should look like,
what it should be, and instead just kind of open yourself up to the idea of letting the
interaction unfold as it does.
Okay.
And this is really important here.
This is really super important because, because, you know, when you walk into an interaction
with your ex, when you have these expectations, these, these, these notions that, okay, it
has to be romantic.
She has to laugh.
He has to, you know, give me a kiss at the end of the day or something like that.
You know, there's this kind of sense of neediness and desperation that comes with that.
And it's, it's this like feeling that's really saturates everything that you're doing.
You may not think that does.
You may think that you can hide it, you know, you may have heard like, oh, I can just fake
it till I make it or something like that.
But that's not true.
At least in relationship, you really have to be able to walk the walk and talk and talk.
And if you are trying to force it to be a certain way, if you're trying to force it
to be romantic, if you're trying to force it to be some sort of like infatuation, like,
Oh yeah, I missed you so much, we should go on this romantic thing next.
If you're trying to force that to happen, they are going to feel your ulterior motives.
People are a lot more in tuned with their emotions than maybe you think, You know, a
lot of times people don't have the language or the ability to express specifically what
they're feeling or thinking, but they can often feel that something's off and they can't
quite put their finger on it and they'll just know, okay, something was weird when I was
talking to her or him.
And so I'm, it just didn't feel right.
I'm going to, I'm just going to back off and kind of keep my distance.
And, and, and that's often kind of the extent that they have.
They don't really have the emotional, capacity to really understand how they're feeling at
a deeper level and really verbalize it and vocalize specifically what's going on, but
they will still feel that feeling, that something is off.
They will still feel that undercurrent of ulterior motives, that undercurrent of expectation,
of neediness, of trying to force it to be a certain way, of trying to force them to
be a certain way.
You know, nobody likes it when, when someone tries to force them into being a certain way,
a certain, you know, just like, you know, if I, I don't know where you're at in your
life, but nobody likes when their parents try to force them to, you know, be an engineer
or a doctor or a lawyer or anything like that.
When really they just want to be an artist.
Nobody likes that.
They always carry this sense of resentment.
They always carry this like, I can't believe I'm going to do an engineering school or something
like that.
And, and that is kind of the same energy that you're bringing to the interaction when you
are trying to force it to be romantic, when you're trying to force it to be intimate,
when you're trying to force it to be passionate, when you're trying to force it to be affectionate,
you're really kind of setting yourself up to repel your x away from you because you're
not open to them as they are.
You're not accepting of them as they are.
You are not really willing to hear them out, to be with them as they are basically, ou
know it, it's very subtle.
It's very subtle, but it comes across as like a screw you, I don't care how you feel.
Let's have a romantic interaction right now.
And that's not fun.
That's not fun for anybody, especially not your accent.
It's not going to get the two of you back together.
It's going to repel them and it's going to make them want to distance themselves from
you.
So what I really want to encourage you to do is to kind of open yourself up more to
really experiencing and being a yes to your ex, no matter how they may bring themselves
to you, whether that is, you know, maybe maybe they're curious about you, maybe they don't
want to be romantic with you.
Maybe they actually hate you.
Maybe they're like really mad at you right now.
And if you can, if you can actually be a yesterday, you can be like, yeah, you're, I guess you're
really angry at me right now.
Yeah.
Tell me more about that.
You know, it's, you just like really welcoming that in.
Then then that's going to come across as so much better than getting defensive than trying
to you know, justify your actions or anything because that's just, that's just all like,
like not really connecting with them at an emotional level.
That's just kind of talking to them at this cerebral level.
And that's not where relationships happen.
You know, you're not, you're going to make like the best chart in the world, the best
like annual report in the world that documents.
Why your relationship should work out you have to have it happen at an emotional level.
Okay?
I hope that's hope that's pretty clear who that's obvious.
I hope you get that.
And so what I really want you to do today is to make a decision.
It's decision time again.
Are you going to continue to try and force your ex to have a romantic experience with
you to have a, an affectionate experience with you to have some sort of deep, meaningful,
emotional experience with you?
Or are you going to try and force that to happen to try and force it to open?
Certainly trying to force it to look and be another way.
Are you going to basically say, screw you, I don't care how you feel, I don't care about
what you're going through right now.
I want to have romance.
Are you going to say that to them?
Either subtly or explicitly?
Hopefully not explicitly.
But hopefully not subtly either.
Or are you going to be willing to open yourself up to them and meet them where they're at,
meet them where they're at, and really have a connected experience with them, no matter
where they are, whether they're, you know, angry at you, whether they're a really depressed,
whether they just don't feel like being romantic at all, whether they're just kind of apathetic.
Are you willing to be open to that?
Are you willing to embrace that?
Because I can promise you that that is the root of emotional connection and when you
can stop trying to force it and when you can meet someone where they're at and really listen
to them and have them feel heard and seen, you're going to have much, much better results
than if you try and force the romance or force affection or forced intimacy or anything like
that.
So I want you to decide right now which path you're going to choose.
Okay?
And if you're going to and if you choose to, to take the path that I'm recommending, which
is to be more open, more accepting, more understanding than I really want to invite you to sign up
for the ex solution program.
We've kind of touched on this before, but this is one of the relational skills that
we teach during the active no contact section of the ex solution program.
We show you how to really cultivate this.
This feeling of openness is feeling of expansiveness, is feeling of acceptance.
This feeling of, of really meeting your ex where they're at regardless of how they feel
and being able to handle how they feel no matter how they feel.
Even if they're like angry and spitting fire at you and angry at you and saying that you
are the problem.
You can still have that emotional capacity to not get defensive, to not shut down tonight.
Basically block them out and you can actually use that through a kind of, you know, Jujitsu
of sorts through emotional Jujitsu to kind of leverage that into a feeling of deeper
attraction, deeper connection, deeper understanding of one another.
And if that's something that you'd like to do, I'd like to invite you to sign up for
the ex solution program.
There's a button down below.
You can click on that, read more about what it is.
If it sounds like a good fit for you, you can go ahead and sign up.
But the most important thing for you to do today is to decide if you're going to try
and force things to be a certain way or if you're willing to meet your ex where they're
at, and if you're willing to really see them for the person that they really want to be
seen as, if you're really willing to go deep emotionally with them.
And if that's something that you're willing to do, then I think that the ex solution program
is a good fit for you.
And I'd like you to sign up today and give it a shot.
Again, this is Clay and this has been video number three in our series.
Tomorrow.
We're going to talk more about another topic that, that can really kind of like help move
your, your attempts to get back together with your ex a lot faster in the direction that
you want.
So definitely be sure to tune in tomorrow and I'll have video number four for you then.
Okay.
Thanks.