♪ HI.
YEAH?
THAT'S SO COOL, YEAH, OKAY, I'LL TALK TO YOU IN A LITTLE BIT,
HERE WE GO.
>> James: GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE
"LTE, LATE SHOW," WE ARE A SO HAPPY YOU STAYED UP FOR US, WE
HAVE A GREAT SHOW, ON TONIGHT'S SHOW A HOLLYWOOD POWERHOUSE, SHE
HAS HER OWN TALK SHOW, LINE OF MAKEUP, WINE, MAGAZINE, AND SO
MUCH MORE.
THE UNSTOPPABLE DREW BARRYMORE SON THE SHOW TONIGHT.
DREW, HOW ARE YOU?
>> MWAH, HELLO, JAMES.
>> James: ARE YOU GOOD?
IT IS SO NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> I'M GETTING ALL DOLED UP FOR YOU.
>> James: I'M GETTING ALL DOLED UP FOR YOU, SWEETIE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY, I WILL BE OUT IN A MINUTE WE'LL DO THIS
HOLLYWOOD STYLE.
>> James: YOU COME OUT HERE, TELL YOUR STORIES AND WE'LL GET
DINNER.
>> HELL YES, WE WILL.
>> James: DREW BARRY MORE, EVERYBODY.
AND SHE IS AN INCREDIBLE ACTOR YOU KNOW IN BIRDS OF PREY,
FARGO, WE LOVE HER ON THIS SHOARKS THE GLORIOUS, THE ALWAYS
COOL MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD IS HERE STONT.
THERE SHE IS.
>> HELLO.
>> James: HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M SO GOOD, HOW ARE YOU.
>> James: I'M GOOD, SO NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> SO NICE TO SEE YOU, THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
>> James: WE'RE THRILLED YOU ARE HERE, AND THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR CHOOSING CLOTHING CLOTHING T COMPLEMENTS THE COLOR SCHEME.
>> I CALLED AHEAD AND THIS IS WHAT I CAME UP WITH.
>> James: SO THRILLED THAT YOU DID.
AND SO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE, MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD, EVERYBODY.
GOOD SHOW.
DREW BARRYMORE, SHE CAN DO IT ALL, CAN'T SHE?
SHE HAS BEEN IN ROMCOMS, ONE OF CHARLIE'S ANGELS.
SHE PLAYED A CAN I BALANCE.
THAT, THAT-- CANNIBLE.
THAT IS RANGE.
ANTHONY HOPKINS CAN ONLY DO ONE OF THOSE THINGS, YOU KNOW.
>> HE WAS GREAT IN CHARLIE'S ANGELS THOUGH.
>> James: YEAH.
COOL, SEE YOU LATER.
>> TRYING TO THINK OF A FAMOUS CHARLIE'S ANGEL QUOTE I COULD
DO.
BUT REALLY JUST KIND OF THE POSE, RIGHT.
>> James: IT'S THE POSE AND THE DESTINY CHILD SONG.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> James: I DON'T THINK YOU'RE READY FOR THIS SCRELLEE, IS THAT
IT, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE READY FOR THIS JELLY.
THEY WERE RIGHT, I WASN'T.
>> NO.
>> James: COMPLETELY UNPREPARED.
>> I'M AN ENGLISH MUFFIN LEVEL OF JELLY, ANYTHING MORE THAN
THAT, I AM UNDERWATER.
>> James: YOUR CALLING IT JELLY, I CALL JAM, YOU CALL
JELLO, THAT IS WHAT I CALL JELLY, YOU KNOW WOBL, WOBBLE,
WOBBLE, THAT.
>> SINCE WE ARE ON THE TOPIC, HOW COME PUDDINGS IS SO MANY
THINGS.
>> James: IN BRITAIN.
>> WOULDN'T YOU LIKE NINE THINGS FOR-- .
>> James: IS IT, PUDDING?
PUDDING, BUT WE ALWAYS CALL IT.
>> HERE PUDDING IS A VERY SPECIFIC THING T IS LIKE A
CHOCOLATY MOUSE KIND OF THING BUT YOUR PUDDING IS DESSERT,.
>> James: YOU WILL LEARN.
>> OH MAN.
>> James: NOW HOW WAS EVERYONE'S WEEKEND, TBANG?
>> SO GOOD.
>> James: YOU HAD WAS EVERYBODY'S WEEKEND?
REG, WHAT DID YOU GET UP TO?
>> Reggie: WELL, MY PSYCHOLOGIST TOLD ME THAT I
SHOULD BE CELIBATE.
>> James: OOPH.
>> YEAH, FOR THREE MONTHS.
>> James: WHY HAVE YOU BOT TO BE CELIBATE, BECAUSE IT'S JUST
BEEN TOO MUCH?
>> I THINK-- WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M KIND OF LOOKING MORE FOR A
PARTNER TYPE OF PERSON.
AND SO I HAVE BEEN SEEING A LOT OF PEOPLE, AND SHE IS LIKE JUST
CLEANSE IT OUT, YOU KNOW, GET IN TOUCH WITH YOURSELF AGAIN AND
YOU KNOW, LET THOSE JUICES REJUICE.
>> James: YEAH.
>> AND THEN YOU KNOW, AND SEE WHERE YOU ARE AT AFTER THE NEW
YEAR.
>> James: AFTER THE NEW YEAR.
>> YEAH.
>> James: AFTER THE NEW YEAR.
>> YEAH, OCTOBER, NEW YEAR.
>> YEAH.
>> I THINK THOSE ARE THE RIGHT MONTHS TO DO IT.
>> EXACTLY.
>> BECAUSE THAT'S PRIME EATING SEASON.
SO IF YOU EVER HAVE TO BE-- I'M TOO FULLY, YOU'RE PERFECTLY
FULL.
>> AND IT IS KIND OF SLEEPY TIME.
>> James: WHAT ARE WE, BEARS? HIBERNATING NOW?
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
YOU'RE HARVESTING FOOD.
YOU'RE LIKE I'M GOING TO TAKE A NAP UNTIL JANUARY, THIS IS
NOT-- THAT'S NOT IT.
I THINK DIFFERENT.
I THINK COZY NIGHTS IN, DON'T WANT TO GO OUT, LITTLE CHILLIER.
JUST TURN ON THE FIRE.
SUSAN KNOWS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.
AN AUDIBLE YES FROM SUSAN, SUSAN IS LIKE YEAH.
GLASS OF RED WINE, DO A LITTLE DANCE, PRETTY MUCH GET DOWN
TONIGHT.
>> I'M THINKING YOU DO ALL THAT BUT INSTEAD OF SEX IT'S JUST
LIKE ALL OF THE ICE CREAM.
>> James: CAN I BE HONEST, I DON'T SEE THE TWO AS MUTUALLY
EXCLUSIVE.
BUT ON THAT BOMBSHELL, IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS.
>> James: TOMORROW VOTERS IN CALIFORNIA WILL FINALLY DECIDE
WHETHER OR NOT GOVERNOR NEWSOM STAYS IN OFFICE.
EXPERTS SAY THE MAIL-IN VOTING WILL LEAN DEMOCRATS WHILE
TOMORROW'S IN-PERSON VOTING WILL LEAN MORE REPUBLICAN BUT I'M
SURE REPUBLICANS WILL BE GRACIOUS AND UNDERSTANDING ABOUT
THE MAIL-IN BALLOTS, THEY ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, HISTORICALLY, IS IT
JUST ME OR PHYSICAL MAIL BECOME HUGELY IMPORTANT IN THE LAST FEW
YEARS, FIRST IT WAS DEAD T WAS GONE, PHYSICAL MAIL WAS GONE AND
A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, THAT WAS IT.
AND NOW EVERYTHING IS BY MAIL, QR CODE, THE QR CODE, I NEVER
KNEW WHAT IT WAS, NEVER KNEW HOW THIS WORKED.
SUDDENLY ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE.
NEWSOM SEEMS TO BE SURGING BUT YOU NEVER KNOW, HE COULD END UP
WINNING BY JUST A HAIR, A SLICKED BACK PERFECTLY COIFFED
HAIR.
AND DEMOCRATS ARE PULLING OUT ALL OF THE STOPS, TODAY
PRESIDENT BIDEN WAS IN CALIFORNIA CAMPAIGNING ON NEW
SOME'S BEHALF, NEW SOME IS DEFINITELY FACING SOME MAJOR
OBSTACLESK NUMBER ONE JOE BIDEN IS IN CALIFORNIA CAMPAIGNING ON
NEW SOME'S BEHALF.
NEW SOME WAS GRATEFUL FOR THE HELP THOUGH.
HE SAID HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU, AND BIDEN LEANED IN AND
SAID DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT AFGHANISTAN?
AND HERE'S AN INTERESTING SCIENTIFIC STUDY, ACCORDING TO
RESEARCHERS, DOGS MIGHT BE EVEN SMARTER THAN WE THOUGHT THEY
WERE.
APPARENTLY DOGS ARE ABLE TO TELL WHEN PEOPLE DO SOMETHING ON
PURPOSE OR BY ACCIDENT.
A DISTINCTION THAT WAS PREVIOUSLY CONSIDERED A PURELY
HUMAN SKILL.
CATS ON THE OTHER HAND HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOU OR YOUR
EMOTIONAL JOURNEY.
THINK ABOUT THIS.
IT WAS SOMEBODY'S JOB TO SIT IN A LAB LIKE A TRAINED
PROFESSIONAL TO SIT IN A LAB AND BE LIKE I WONDER IF DOGS CAN
UNDERSTAND SLAP STICK?
DAVE, DO YOU THINK DOGS COULD UNDERSTAND SLAP STICK COMEDY?
DAVE, DAVE, DAVE-- DO YOU THINK DOGS CAN UNDERSTAND SLAP STICK
COMEDY?
CAN WE FIND OUT?
LET'S DO IT HOW DO THEY EVEN KNOW?
HOW DO THEY KNOW THAT THE DOGS KNOW.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
ARE THE DOGS GOING UP TO THE RESEARCHERS AND GOING NO, DOG,
NO, THAT WHAT YOU JUST DID, WAS TOTALLY ON PURPOSE.
BECAUSE IF THAT IS HOW IT WORKS, THAT IS A TALKING DOG, WHICH I
CONSIDER A MUCH BIGGER BREAK THROUGH.
AND WE WANT TOOD TELL YOU ABOUT THIS.
RECENTLY A PLAN ENDED HIS FIRST DATE WITH A WOMAN IN A RATHER
UNUSUAL WAY.
HE GAVE HIS DATE A RIDE ON THE BACK OF HIS MOTORCYCLE, RAN A
RED LIGHT TO TRY TO IMPRESS HER AND THEN LEAD COPS ON A
HIGH-SPEED CHASE AT OVER 100 MILES AN HOUR.
AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH WAS MOVING TOO
FAST.
HE GOT INTO A HIGH SPEED MOTORCYCLE CHASE ON A FIRST
DATE.
STILL BETTER THAN THE GUY WHO WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT-- .
>> I LOVE THAT HE ALREADY HAS THE MIC-- DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO
MOVE.
HERE'S THE TIP, IF YOU DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN, RIGHT, IF
YOU DON'T WANT, STOP WRITING IN YOUR DATING PROFILE I'M LOOKING
FOR A PARTNER IN CRIME.
ANYONE HERE, WHO IN HERE THINKS THEY'VE GOT THE WORST FIRST DATE
STORY?
WHO HAS HAD THE WORST FIRST DATE, KRI KRI, GO ON, WHAT
HAPPENED.
>> I ALREADY LOVE THIS STORY.
>> I GUY TOOK ME TO SEE "SCHINDLER'S LIST" ON OUR FIRST
DATE.
AND HE HAD ALREADY SEEN IT.
AND HE IS LIKE, IT'S SO GOOD, YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT AND
THEN, AND THEN WE WERE LIKE DPING TO MAYBE HAVE DINNER
BEFORE BUT HE'S LIKE NO, NO, LET'S HAVE DINNER AFTER THEAN WE
CAN TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE.
>> James: OH MY GOD.
>> I SAW THE MOVIE AND WAS JUST LIKE PUFFY, YOU KNOW,
"SCHINDLER'S LIST" AND I WAS LIKE, I CAN'T, I'M NOT GOING
ANYWHERE ELSE WITH YOU.
THAT WAS IT.
>> James: OH MY GD.
ANYONE ELSE?
CAN ANYONE BEAT IT?
AND DID EVERYBODY SEE THIS, GOLD FISH CRACKERS HAS SEEMED UP WITH
JENGO JEANS TO RELEASE A LIMITED EDITION LINE OF JEANS TO GO WITH
THEIR NEW JALAPENO POPPER GOLD FISH CRACKER, THEY CHOSE JENGO
BECAUSE THEY SAY ST THE ONLY JEANS THAT HAS POCKETS LARGE
ENOUGH TO HOLD AN ENTIRE BAG OF GOLD FISH CRACKERS.
I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, '90S JAMES CORDEN WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL OVER
THOSE JEANS AND THOSE CRACKERS WITHOUT QUESTION.
JALAPENO POPPER GOLD FISH CRACKERS AND JENGO JEANS, SUCH
AN OBVIOUS PAIR, SRNT IT THEY GO TOGETHER LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND
JENKO JEANS.
OR SPAGHETTI CARBONARA AND JENKO JEANS, I FEEL LIKE BEING A
MARKETING ECK TIFF NOW A DAYS IS JUST BASICALLY BEING REALLY GOOD
AT MAD LIBS, GIVE ME A SALTY SNACK, GOLD FISH CRACKERS, GOT
IT GIVE ME AN ITEM OF CLOTHING.
>> JENKO JEANS, BAM, WE GOT IT, TAKE THE REST OF THE DAY OFF.
AND FINALLY, WINE WASTE CAN NOW BE USED TO MAKE ECO-FRIENDLY
RACE CAR FUEL.
IT'S MADE BY BLENDING WINE RESIDUE WITH A COMMONLY USED
GASOLINE ADDITIVE CREATING A FINAL HIGH PERFORMANCE FUEL AND
I DO NOT BUY THIS FOR A SECOND.
I CONSUME A HUGE AMOUNT OF WINE AND I DON'T MOVE ANY FASTER.
IF ANYTHING IT SLOWS ME DOWN.
RACE CARS WILL BE ABLE TO RUN OFF LINE, IN RELATED NEWS IT IS
REPORTED LIGHTNING McQUEEN HAS CHECKED INTO RELAB.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."