In this video, we're going to be talking about a few reminders for getting back together
with an ex. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life. We help you get the great
loving relationship that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without
having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that
you are not because you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person
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thing. If not, no worries. But so, yeah, here we are. It's Friday. Next week I think a lot
of us are aware is probably going to be kind of a tense week. If you're in the United States,
you obviously know that we have our presidential election next weekend. If you're in the rest
of the world, you may know that. I understand if you don't. But yeah, if you've been watching
the news, you know there's a lot of tension. This is probably going to be one of the most
tense presidential elections in recent history.
So it has me thinking a lot about the difference between things that we can control and things
that we can't control. Obviously I think this presidential election has been a very polarizing
experience for most of us here in the United States. And because of that, a lot of people
have an opinion about what they want to happen next Tuesday. And whether or not that ends
up happening or whether the opposite of what you want ends up happening, or whether we
just end up in this weird state of confusion for a while where we don't know who won the
election, I want you to remind yourself that like, okay, that is outside of your realm
of control, most likely, unless you're some sort of high up politician that is watching
these videos. In which case, hello, nice to have you here.
But for most of us, this whole election process is out of our control. Yes, we can vote. We
can do our part. I did that. I hope you did that as well too if you're in the US. But
aside from that, there's not much we can really do except just see what everyone else is going
to end up doing on election day and hope that this whole process is as honest and straightforward
as possible.
But aside from that, you need to focus on yourself and what you have control of within
your own sphere of influence. So for example, yeah, I voted, but aside from that, I can't
control anything else. And I just need to focus on living my own life, which involves
having a nice thanks, or a nice Halloween weekend with my daughter and doing some more
things around the house. I have received messages from people that say that, "Yeah, the video
quality is not so great. It's kind of grainy back here," and I get it. I'm going to try
to get a new camera in the near future just to get to do some research, find the right
one and all that stuff. And we're going to hopefully get things a little bit figured
out so that we can have some higher quality videos and get some nice, more background
stuff back here and all that.
I'm hoping it feels like we're in a nice little intimate office or something like that. Just
chatting or something. Anyway, we'll eventually work up to that. Again, we are only just about
a month or so moved in here. In fact, we actually just completely wrapped up everything at our
old place last weekend. So we're now officially 100% here. But we're focusing on what we can
control. We're not getting too riled up about things that are outside of our control, politics,
all that stuff. Yes, express yourself to the degree that you have, for me, that involves
voting. But if that's the limit of your sphere of influence over politics or anything else,
then so be it. Focus on what is within your sphere of influence.
When it comes to getting back together with your ex, now, there are things that are outside
of your sphere of influence such as what your ex will ultimately do or say, or think, or
decide when it comes to getting back together with you or not. But there are definitely
things that are within your sphere of influence, such as how you bring yourself to interactions.
Are you doing it from a panicked, anxious, damage control sort of way, or are you doing
it from a calm, relaxed sort of way? Are you pretending to be calm and relaxed when really
you're internally having a damage control meltdown kind of experience? These are things
that are within your sphere of control. You can work through these things and you can
find a way to come to a place of inner peace within yourself so that you can bring the
best of yourself towards your interactions with your ex.
And this of course will influence how your ex is going to respond to you because how
you bring yourself is going to obviously going to determine to a certain degree what they
choose to do. Obviously if you do the whole begging and pleading and all that stuff, it's
going to have a most likely less than desirable effect. But if you are able to actually stay
grounded, find that place of peace within yourself and all of that and then bring that,
that's probably going to have a different impact. Now, of course, ultimately, whatever
they choose to do is on them, but you have influenced it to a certain degree. That's
why we use the word influence rather than control, right? Unfortunately you can't control
what they're going to do.
I've yet to learn that magic technique, but trust me, as soon as I do, I'll tell you all
about it. But you can influence it by what you say, what you do, how you bring yourself
and all of that. And of course you can also influence what else happens in your life as
well too. Are you living into your highest vision for yourself? Are you pursuing goals
that are meaningful to you or are you just kind of coasting through life? Now, I get
it, it's been a rough year for, I think all of us. It's 2020, right? We've had social
unrest. We've had pandemics. We've had this whole political circus. We've had, I'm sure
I'm forgetting other things. Hurricane, double hurricane, there was like a double hurricane
in Louisiana a couple months ago. That's crazy.
We've had the wildfires here on the West Coast and then course there's all sorts of crazy
things that have just been happening in people's individual lives. I know people who have lost
loved ones and all sorts of things like that. And I'm sure that you're probably experiencing
all sorts of things as the result of what's happened in the bigger picture world this
year and also what's maybe been happening in your own personal life as well. So focus
on what you can do to pick yourself up from whatever setbacks you may have and find a
way to move forward from that. That is probably within your sphere of influence. It's probably
something that you can do. You can learn to be at peace with what happened.
That doesn't mean you have to love whatever happened, but you can learn to be at peace
with it because that empowers you to do something proactive as opposed to reactive moving forward
from there. You can also look at what you can do to improve your life, right? That might
include taking care of yourself physically, eating, exercising. That might involve working
on your career, or starting a new career if you're one of those unfortunate people who's
lost their job due to the whole pandemic situation. Or if you've experienced any other sorts of
setbacks as a result to many of the things that have happened this year, this obviously
does include your relationship.
That's why I talk about bringing your best of yourself to your interactions, focusing
on doing the important deep work to kind of write yourself emotionally so that you're
not just crashing from one disaster to the next, panicking and all of that. This includes
all sorts of other things as well too. So look at what is available to you within your
sphere of influence and start to work on those sorts of things. I know that we often want
to talk about text messages, what do I say? What do I do? What does it mean when they're
following all of these attractive people of the opposite sex on Instagram? What does it
mean when it takes them an obnoxious really long time to respond to text messages?
What does it mean when they're distancing themselves? What does it mean when they give
you these flat one word answers? What does it mean when they don't respond at all? What
does it mean when they give you these cryptic things that could kind of mean one thing but
kind of mean another thing? And these are symptoms, I think of deeper things that need
to get done within your sphere of influence. Typically, this might involve like, okay,
where is it that I don't trust myself to be able to handle this? Where's it I don't trust
myself to be able to go for what I want? Where is it that I don't feel worthy of this? Where
is it that I feel like I'm not good enough to get what I want? Whereas it that feel like
this is somehow not within my comfort zone and how can I start to expand my comfort zone
for this?
So start to look at whatever the little things that might be happening in your life might
be and start to look at where those could be symptomatic of something deeper that may
need to be addressed. We're going to be talking about this a little bit more moving forward
into the future. I'm kind of scheming up some new things that I'd like to focus on over
the next couple months. And I will, of course, be sharing these with you as they become relevant.
But these are some things to start thinking about. How can you start to take responsibility
for your sphere of influence and helping you just learn to be at peace with things that
are outside of your sphere of influence?
Again, this doesn't mean that you have to love them. It doesn't mean that you have to
love the fact that your guy did or didn't win in the election. This doesn't mean that
you have to love that there's a pandemic happening. This doesn't mean that you have to love that
there's social unrest. This doesn't mean that you have to love the natural disasters that
we're experiencing or did experience, but you can at least accept them and acknowledge
that like, okay, this is something that happened. And rather than becoming upset about it or
outraged about it, you can become empowered to do something moving forward from here that's
going to allow you to become a better person. Okay?
So anyway, I hope this helps you out. Once again, if you do like what we're doing here,
please help us trigger that YouTube algorithm by hitting that thumbs up button, it does
sort of send a message to the algorithm that says, "Hey, bump these videos up a little
bit more." In the meantime, I'm going to do a little bit more camera research and maybe
figure out how to get some better video quality on these videos. That's within my sphere of
influence and who knows, maybe that might help me out with the YouTube algorithm a little
bit more. They'll see a higher quality video. They'll assume it's higher quality piece of
content. I don't know. Anyway, we'll figure it out. But anyway, thank you so much for
watching. Please have a good Halloween. Please have a good weekend. And we'll talk to you
next week.