One thing I really miss about New York
is the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
That was one of my favorite (audience cheering)
things that happened here.
Every year I would go.
But, I always had one criticism.
Why are the balloons always things for kids,
like Pikachu, Ronald McDonald.
I think, the parade balloons should be New York themed.
I really do.
It's a big New York event.
(audience cheering)
I believe that, in my heart.
(audience cheering)
That's the thing I'm most passionate about
in this lifetime.
(laughing)
So, I came up with some New York themed balloon designs.
Can I share 'em with you
if they work out. (audience cheering)
Instead of Big Bird, how about this New York staple?
Time Square Elmo, right there, you see?
(audience laughing)
You smell him before you see him.
Here's another New York balloon I think would be great.
A vandalized Citi Bike,
I think that would be fantastic.
(laughter and applause)
Check this one out.
The New York Giants current 1 - 7 record.
(booing and applauding)
There's a really angry guy in the audience.
(laughing)
He was like, "What are you doin'?"
(laughing)
That guy lost his shit on that joke.
He was like, "What?"
(laughing)
Do I have my facts wrong, sir?
(laughing)
Here's a Macy's themed balloon.
It's a discounted bottle of their Pitbull cologne.
Yeah, that'd be nice.
(laughing)
There's another New York balloon, I'd love this.
It's a pigeon and a cockroach fighting over a cronut.
(laughing)
Hey, now that guy and I are friends again, all right.
(laughing)
He's like, "That's okay."
(laughing)
I also thought, since I'm back in town,
the Thanksgiving Parade would maybe have a Conan balloon.
You know, I just thought maybe.
(cheering)
True story, I ran this idea past Macy's.
They gave me a very quick, "No."
(laughing)
Macy's also pointed out
that the balloons take a year to build.
An entire year.
I decided to make my own balloon anyway.
And, guess what?
My balloon took a week to make.
One week.
It was easy.
Here's what we did, we really did this,
we went out and we bought one of those New York City
strike rat balloons.
You know what I'm talking about?
(laughing)
You can buy those.
Anyone can buy those.
(laughing)
I bought one and we just added Conan features to it.
(laughing)
It's actually outside the theater right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, check out the Conan Strike Rat
Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon.
(cheering)
(dramatic, atmospheric music)
It's a little like a prominent politician as well.
And guess what?
Macy's, I know you're watching,
you heard the crowd go crazy, you're excited,
my balloon also comes with a special performance
by American Idol and Broadway star, Justin Guarini.
Check it out.
♫ - Yeah.
♫ Let's celebrate, its' great,
♫ To be back in this town.
♫ The city so nice,
♫ it's named twice. (laughing)
♫ We wanna hear the sound of the Conan Strike Rat
(squeaking)
(laughing)
♫ The strike rat, baby!
♫ Yeah.
(squeaking)
(laughing)
♫ We just want cheers - no boo-ers.
(laughing)
♫ Let's party in the sewers.
♫ Yeah, yeah.
(laughing)
♫ The Conan Strike Rat!
(squeaking)
(applauding)
That's gonna happen.