>> Jesse: THERE’S A TIME IN OUR
LIVES WHEN WE HAVE TO PASS THE
TORCH, WHETHER IT’S IN THE
FAMILY OR BUSINESS OR TEAM, BUT
BEFORE WE DO THAT WE HAVE TO
PASS THE BIT OF WISDOM DOWN.
SO THAT ONE DAY THEY CAN TAKE
OVER THE DOJO WE’VE BUILT.
>> THEN WAX.
>> WHY? >> REMEMBER, NO QUESTION.
>> REMEMBER, NO QUESTION.
>> YEAH, BUT -- WAX ON, RIGHT
HAND.
WAX OFF, LEFT HAND.
>> Jesse: EVENTUALLY THE TIME
WILL COME WHEN WE KNOW THAT PERSON IS READY TO TAKE OVER.
PERSON IS READY TO TAKE OVER. >> SHOW ME WAX ON, WAX OFF.
>> Jesse: WHEN BARACK OBAMA’S
TIME WAS FINALLY UP, IT WAS TIME
FOR JOE BIDEN TO BECOME THE
SENSEI OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
HE HAD TO BRING IN SOMEBODY NEW
INTO THE DOJO, AND CHOSE KAMALA
HARRIS.
WHY?
BECAUSE SHE SHATTERS.
>> YOU’VE SHATTERED SO MANY
BARRIERS, AND DID IT MOSTLY ON
YOUR OWN.
>> AND THANK YOU TO PRESIDENT
BIDEN.
[LAUGHTER]
>> YOU CAN JUDGE A STRONG MAN
WHEN HE HAS STRONG WOMEN AROUND HIM.
HIM.
HA-HA-HA.
>> Jesse: JOE PUT KAMALA TO WORK
RIGHT AWAY.
FIX THE BORDER.
>> WE’VE BEEN TO THE BORDER.
WE’VE BEEN TO THE BORDER.
>> YOU HAVEN’T BEEN TO THE
BORDER.
>> AND I HAVEN’T BEEN TO EUROPE.
I UNDERSTAND THE POINT YOU’RE
MAKING.
>> Jesse: HE PRESENTED A NEW TASK.
TASK. HE TRIED TO MAKE HER A DIPLOMAT,
HE TRIED TO MAKE HER A DIPLOMAT,
AND SENT HER ON HER FIRST
MISSION.
>> WE DEFEND THE PLAN.
>> Jesse: KAMALA LIKED SIMPLER
THINGS.
>> HERE’S THE THING, WHO DOESN’T
LOVE A YELLOW SCHOOL BUS, RIGHT?
CAN YOU RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU
LOVE A YELLOW SCHOOL BUS, RIGHT?
I LOVE THE DIAGRAMS, THE
CIRCLES, RIGHT?
THREE USUALLY.
HA-HA-HA.
>> YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO SEE,
YOU’RE GOING TO LITERALLY SEE
THE CRATERS ON THE MOON WITH
YOUR OWN EYES.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT
THOSE CRATERS ON THE MOON.
>> Jesse: ZEBRA JUST CAN’T
CHANGE THEIR STRIPES.
KAMALA SHATTERS, CABBINGLESS,
AND RATTLES ON ABOUT SHAPES AND
COLORS.
TODAY JOE BIDEN OFFICIALLY
REALIZED THE STUDENT WILL NEVER
BECOME THE TEACHER.
JOE BIDEN IS STUCK WITH KAMALA,
AND THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS.
REUTERS REPORTS THAT KAMALA IS
STAYING PUT, OPERATION REMOVE
KAMALA FROM THE TICKET, IS OVER.
BIDEN THINKS BLACKS AND WOMEN
WOULD HATE HIM IF HE YANKED HIM.
TWO OFFICIALS SAY HE’S BEEN
FRUSTRATED ABOUT KAMALA’S
PERFORMANCE.
HE THINKS SHE DOESN’T, QUOTE,
RISE TO THE OCCASION ON CRITICAL
ISSUES.
HA-HA.
THE PRESIDENT DOESN’T SEE HER AS
ANYTHING AS SOMEBODY TAKES OVER
ANYTHING OFF HIS PLATE OVER
FEARS OF MESSING THINGS UP.
SHE DOESN’T TAKE THE BORDER
SERIOUSLY BECAUSE IT’S NOT A,
QUOTE, POLITICAL WIN FOR HER,
AND IT’S A REALLY HARD ISSUE.
KAMALA ALWAYS THOUGHT THE BORDER
WAS A TEAM EFFORT, LIKE A GROUP
PROJECT, AND NO ONE IN D.C.
KNOWS WHAT KAMALA IS DOING HALF
THE TIME.
INSIDERS SAY HARRIS DOESN’T GO
MUCH OUT IN TOWN, AND HASN’T LIT
A FIRE UNDER THE DEMOCRATIC
ESTABLISHMENT.
I DON’T BLAME KAMALA.
THE ONE TIME SHE TAKES DOUGIE
NOT SO FRESH OUT, HE KISSES
ANOTHER WOMAN.
DOWN BOY.
JOE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF KAMALA AS
A WORK IN PROGRESS, BUT HE
DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD TAKE THIS
MUCH WORK.
REMEMBER, THEY STARTED OFF ON
THE WRONG FOOT.
>> YOU KNOW, THERE WAS ALWAYS
GIRL IN CALIFORNIA WHO WAS PART
OF THE SECOND-CLASS TO INTEGRATE
HER PUBLIC SCHOOLS, AND SHE WAS
BUSSED TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY.
AND THAT LITTLE GIRL WAS ME.
>> Jesse: OOH.
SO JOE BIDEN MESSED UP THE
BIGGEST DECISION OF HIS CAREER.
THAT DECISION HAUNTS HIM BECAUSE
HE’S 80 AND THE COUNTRY IS
WORRIED ABOUT RE-ELECTING AN
80-YEAR-OLD WHOSE VICE PRESIDENT
SOUNDS LIKE A FEMALE FORREST GUMP.
GUMP.
>> WE INVESTED IN THIS, AND THE
IMAGES JUST CAME BACK.
THEY SHOW US THE TO THE
BEGINNING, ALL THE GALAXIES.
IT’S THE MOST HUMBLING THING
YOU’VE EVER SEEN.
>> Jesse: I BET THOSE MEN IN
UNIFORM ARE THRILLED TO HEAR
ABOUT THE PUBLIC TELESCOPE AT
THE DMV.
BIDEN DOESN’T REALLY WANT TO RUN
AGAIN, BUT HE FEELS HE HAS TO
BECAUSE HIS NUMBER TWO CAN’T BE
GROOMED.
NO MATTER HOW MUCH THE MEDIA
MAKES BIDEN/HARRIS LOOK
COMPETENT, THE REST OF THE WORLD
SEES IT AS YOU AND I DO.
HERE’S SAUDI ARABIAN TV. ♪
♪
>> Jesse: CAN THEY GET A MAN TO
PLAY KAMALA HARRIS?
NEVER MIND.
IF YOU THINK THE REPUBLICAN SIDE
LOOKS CHAOTIC, A BIDEN-HARRIS
TICKET HAS BIG PROBLEMS.
JOE BIDEN WENT TO CANADA TODAY
TO MEET JUSTIN TRUDEAU, AND OUR
PRESIDENT WAS EXHAUSTED.
ONLY WENT TO OTTAWA, AND THE MAN
WAS WIPED.
>> I APPLAUD CHINA FOR STEPPING
UP -- EXCUSE ME.
I APPLAUD CANADA FOR BUILDING
5,500 ELECTRIC CHARGING
STATIONS.
GUESS WHO BUILDS THEM.
AS WE STAND AT THIS INFLECTION
POINT IN HISTORY, I HAD A
PROFESSOR WHO ONCE EXPLAINED THE
QUESTION MARK AS YOU’RE GOING
DOWN THE HAWAII AS 60 MILES AN
HOUR, YOU RAPIDLY TURN ONE
DIRECTION FIVE DEGREES, YOU
NEVER GET BACK ON THE SAME PATH
AGAIN, BUT -- BUT -- YOU’RE IN A
DIFFERENT COURSE.
>> Jesse: "PRIMETIME" IS GETTING
THE FEELING THAT JOE BIDEN MIGHT
NOT BE THE GREATEST SHAPE COME
ELECTION TIME, BECAUSE HE HAS TO
GO THROUGH A TAXING CAMPAIGN,