Guys, it's time to get serious.
We need to talk about
the tragic power of this podcast.
What do you mean?
Well, on a "Summer S'mores" episode
from this summer,
I mentioned a specific dessert
that I like to enjoy with some bourbon
from a place called
"Little Flower" in Pasadena.
I don't wanna name the dessert
and I'll tell you why.
My wife went in there this weekend,
we had this whole weekend planned out.
She was gonna pick up this dessert,
gonna come home,
drink some bourbon,
and watch 1990s "Flatliners."
Okay?
She went there and they said,
"Sorry, we're out.
Did you hear about it on the Conan podcast?"
(Sona gasps)
Really?
I'm not imitating anyone there.
They're actually wonderful people.
But they had a little bit of attitude.
Kind of, and my wife said,
"Actually,
that was my husband that said that
about this."
And people have been coming in
name checking Conan,
and they've been selling out
this dessert that I love.
It's kind of like Midas with the golden touch.
You wish that everything you could touch
would turn into gold,
but then this power becomes a curse.
Yes.
You mentioned this honeycomb dessert
that you really love,
that's sold in this little shop
that only you would find.
(Sona scoffs)
Because it's two blocks from my house.
Why are you so angry
that he found this dessert?
Because it was an organic little treat
that enraged me.
I thought we can't talk about it,
but you already talked about it
on the podcast.
I know I did. And he just said it right now,
but I'll bleep it out.
No, you're not gonna bleep that out.
It's gonna-
People need to hear
about this wonderful dessert you like.
And if it means
that you never get to have it again,
at least you've shared it
with the rest of humanity.
Here's what needs to happen-
No, no, no.
You've shared it with the rest of the world.
But let me say something. You've had enough of-
You've stuffed your face with enough that.
No, please stop.
Honeycomb, honeycomb.
Please stop.
Honeycomb.
Stop.
Go in and buy the ginger molasses cookies.
Those are delicious.
If you see a bag
of milk chocolate covered honeycomb,
if there's more than one, take one.
But always leave one
'cause I am seconds
from coming in there and getting.
That's ridiculous.
I don't agree with this at all.
This seems cruel and barbaric.
You enjoy a dessert.
It really means a lot to you.
You've had plenty of enjoyment in your life,
some would argue more than you deserve.
Now it's time-
Excuse me? But now it's time for you
to share this treat with other people.
That's exactly what I did. But instead,
you're sniping
and whining.
I'm taking my tax.
That others now are getting a chance
to enjoy this wonderful treat
packed with antioxidants.
And you are bitchin-
Is it?
I think chocolate is.
No.
Yeah.
Dark chocolate.
Yeah, dark chocolate is
but milk chocolate isn't.
This is covered in milk chocolate?
Yes.
Sounds delicious, everyone should get some.
Honeycomb covered in dark chocolate.
Honeycomb.
Just leave me one bag.
Just if there's ever one left,
don't take it.
That's all I'm saying.
That's ridiculous. Why should you have more of it?
Why? I'm not asking for more,
I'm just asking for some.
How about this?
How about I make you some?
God, no. It wouldn't be that hard
to go out and find some honeycomb
and melted milk chocolate,
I can can make that.
I can scrape some M&M's.
No one makes it like Little Flour.
My people at Little Flour,
they do the best work there.
Now you're buttering 'em up
because they're mad at you. I see what you're doing.
And I get it,
and I support it.
Maybe they could just put one aside for me
at any given time. Can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
Are they really irritated,
do you think?
Are the customers irritated
that they can't get it anymore?
Maybe.
No, Little Flour's not irritated.
They are wonderful.
Yeah, they just seem like really good people.
They are.
And they'd be even better
if they kept one off to the side.
Well, first of all,
that's for you to go in and say,
"Hi, I'm Matt Gourley,"
and when they're done shitting the floor,
because you're such a urban legend-
I'm not sure I understand
any level of that.
(Conan purposefully stammering)
(stammering) "Matt Gourley.
(indistinct)."
(Sona and Gourley laughing)
You should try their (indistinct) though.
I've had a (indistinct), trust me.
But then-
Why can't you help me this one time?
Why can't you use your power?
What's the help
that you need right now?
I want him to convince them
and be on my side.
And you, as well.
I'm sorry.
I just wasn't sure what the game plan was.
The game is
just leave one bag of honeycomb for me.
Here's the thing.
It's because
I've met your beautiful wife,
your beautiful daughter,
you have that lovely house.
Everything's just so-
Everything's just going your way
so perfectly.
And then you have this little treat,
and what is it?
It can't be a little treat like Twizzlers
or some other candy
that everyone else likes.
No.
It's gotta be from a little shop.
A shop called
"Mmm, Little Flour.
Oh, do you have the honeycomb
that's been caressed
in milk chocolate?
Mmm. Good.
I'll put it in my little silk pouch
and I'll pull the string.
Oh, it's so tight.
And now I'll tie it
to my little belt
that I got as a boy scout.
Mmm. There.
Nicely tied.
Now I'll skip home.
(Conan mockingly humming)
Honey, I'm home!"
"I love you."
"I love you, too.
Hello daughter."
"Hi. Wee!"
Let's all have our honeycomb."
(Conan mimics cartoony eating sounds)
Sona, can I ask you a quick favor?
Yeah.
What's Conan drinking right now?
He's drinking-
Hint water.
I just drink it.
It's free.
We get cases of this stuff.
No, you can't justify that.
You're drinking Hint water.
I'm drinking whatever's here.
Put a bottle of gin here
and open the cap
and I'll drink it.
I'll drink whatever's here.
I don't go hunting
for some little (indistinct) shop.
"Oh!"
I bet there's a little bell on the door.
Jingle, Jingle, jingle.
Jingle, jingle, jingle.
And then I bet someone comes out and goes,
"Ooh, it's our own Matt Gourley."
This is never airing.
"Ooh, Matt, how are you?"
"Well, I'm fine Mrs. Pennywhistle."
(Sona and Matt laughing)
"So how can we help you today, Matt?"
"Well, I was wondering if I could get some of my little
honeycomb covered in chocolate?"
"Why of course.
Oh, look, it's all gone, Matt.
We've sold out."
"Sold out?
God dammit, Pennywhistle!
Give me some!
Give me some now!"
"What do you have there?"
"I have a gun!"
"Please. Put that away."
"You're gonna cough up more.
I'll kill everyone here!"
(crew laughing hysterically)
Matt's broken.
Is her name Mrs. Pennywhistle?
I don't know. Is there a little bell?
Jingle, jingle.
You know what?
I'm gonna make some.
I'm gonna get some-
I don't want your god damn
shit recipe honeycomb.
I want my Little Flour
silk bag drawstring Pennywhistle treat.
And I want it now.
We'll get it for you.
Trust me.
I'm gonna intervene.
I will get you more
of this sweet little treat,
I promise.
From Little Flour?
It'll be from a store.
You're just gonna give me like
a half chewed bit of honey.
Nope.
I'm gonna buy some candy
that's sort of like this
but sold by a massive retailer.
That's fine.
I like that too.
But I just don't eat much sugar anymore.
So I want this.
Okay.
God dammit.
I'll get you something
that has honey and chocolate bits in it
that's sold by a massive chain.
You gotta find something
that Conan really likes
that's very particular.
You gotta mention it on this podcast
and then it'll be sold out.
Then you'll feel
what he's feeling right now.
Yeah.
You'll be a little bit more empathetic.
I know.
What if I told people
about this like fancy sushi place?
This "Shi-Shi" sushi place you go to
that you don't want everyone to know about?
Yeah. I go to a sushi place
that everyone goes to.
It's a chain.
No, not that one.
The one you go to with Dana Carvey.
No, that's Dana Carvey's place.
There's nothing I do-
First of all,
I'm a man of the people.
I don't go to special little places.
Okay? I get calls all the time
from these stores that you go to
where you find something you really like
and then you buy it.
Not true.
No, it is true.
I work for you.
I'm your assistant.
And that happens.
If that's work
then I'd like that job.
Not much right now.
Listen, my point is,
you're going to get this candy.
I'm gonna take care of it for you.
It may not be from Little Flour.
I'm not interested.
It may not be,
but it'll be something that I find
that contains some of those elements.
That's disgusting.
Yeah.
So anyway,
let's just take care of that.
All right.
Little Flour, I love you.
Help me out.
Mrs. Pennywhistle,
we're sorry for the intrusion.