♫ Where in the world is Superwoman today? ♫
- India, what up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman,
and I went on my Facebook and asked,
What do you want to see for Super Thursday?
And so many of y'all said, types of people
on Snapchat, and I'm like, OK.
OK, I'm not gonna lie, I'm no expert
in Snapchat because I feel like if I have
too many social media thingys,
I'll just end up being repetitive.
And I don't want to be repetitive
because like, I feel like if I have too many
social media thingys, I'll just end up being repetitive.
Did you see what I did there?
You saw it, you saw what I did there,
you saw what I did there.
Number one, SnapCrappers.
OK,
Like, I hate to be judgmental,
but can we just be real for a second?
A lot of our friends suck at Snapchat.
Like, they snap the most boring, random crap,
and I'm just like, why do you think I would want to see this?
I'm talking like, I can't even sit through your snaps, OK?
Like, if my attention span can't last seven seconds
to stare at your snaps, there's a problem.
Because sometimes, if I'm real with you,
I stare at a wall like for 60, 70 seconds.
That's right, OK, if you're one of these people,
I want you to look at a wall right now,
look at a wall right now and just be like,
yo, goals.
Snap goals.
Straight up, I'm just tapping through your snaps
so quickly people think I'm playing Bejeweled, OK?
Just like, click, click, click, click, click,
and I'm annoyed at myself, I'm so annoyed at myself.
You know why, because even though I know this sucks,
I will still view the whole story,
thinking it's going to get better.
Honestly, it's like reliving all of my relationships.
Like, even my finger is annoyed.
OK, because it has to hold your boring snaps.
OK, my finger has standards, OK?
My finger is outgoing, my finger enjoys
long walks on the beach, and you's up in here
taking my finger on a first date to the grocery store, OK?
My finger is bored.
And when I say boring snaps, I mean things
like I just don't get, like why are you showing me this,
like why are you showing me seven seconds
of slow moving traffic, like...
what am I supposed to do with this information
right here, just like,
yes
yes, this is traffic.
Yes.
Straight up, you know why the Snapchat icon is a ghost, huh?
Because it viewed your snaps and died of boredom!
Number two, Selfie Conceited.
Now we all have those friends on Snapchat,
that just stay posting selfies of themselves.
And this is my two cents, OK,
I don't mind if people post selfies,
I get it, I post selfies, I like a good selfie
here and there, but, if you're gonna post
a selfie on Instagram, I feel like you shouldn't
post the same selfie on Snapchat.
Like, how many times do I gotta see your face?
At least switch it up a little bit, OK,
because some of y'all be posting a picture
on Instagram, like,
and then you rotate your smile like 0.3 degrees,
and you post one on Snapchat that's like,
and I don't bloody get it, OK?
It's just weird, like on Instagram,
I get posting a selfie, you know, it's permanent,
you get likes, you get comments,
you know those things that you can hold dear to yourself,
it'll keep you warm at night,
but a selfie on Snapchat, like,
that -ish disappears, OK, so like,
I really don't get why you're sending it,
so I can be like, yo, yo, remember that one time
you looked good for seven seconds?
People got nine selfies up in their Snapchat store,
OK, you know what that store is about?
Sadness, OK, it's a sad story,
this is a story about a puppy,
who had no friends, because his owner took
too many selfies and then everybody died from diarrhea.
And it's all your fault.
Honestly, slap yo selfie.
Number three, the Circus Conductor.
(circus theme song)
Just turn that into, get that real quick.
If I had a dollar for every time
someone sent me a snap
attempting to get a kid to do something cute,
I swear, I would have
like 29 whole dollars. (phone chimes)
This phone be mad rude.
Silent, thank you.
You know what I'm talking about,
those snaps where someone's with a cute kid,
and so they're like, recording them, then like,
OK, Jacob, say the line, come on Jacob,
and Jacob's just like,
Come on Jacob, you said the line a minute ago,
say it again for the camera, come on,
and it's like a whole thing because
you're standing there like,
Jacob, say the line, and Jacob's all like,
no I don't want to say the line,
now I'm sitting here, friggen, signing my finger
up for Tinder because you ain't treatin' it right.
Like, I'm sure your kid is super cute.
There's no denying this, but my question for you is,
why you sending me the snap,
if Jacob didn't say the line?
Like why did you press send, because there
is an option to delete the snap and record again.
So, I want to know, which person was holding
you at gun point like, send the snap,
even though this snap sucks, send the snap!
Because the snap is a failure,
and, I know that hurts, but this sna-
F, this, this snap got an F.
Or a duck, however you want to look at it.
(duck call)
Because yo, I want to hear the line, OK,
if Jacob ain't say the line, Jacob ain't got
no business up on my Snapchat, OK?
You know why Jacob was in Twilight?
Because he said the line.
He performed, therefore he belonged on a screen,
it wasn't like the director was like,
Yo, Jacob, can you say the line now?
And he was like, my name's Jeff.
No, he took off his shirt and he said the line.
OK, honestly, this outrage, if Twilight is a better
depiction of real life then your snaps, OK?
There's a problem.
Number four, snap texts.
You ever send someone a Snapchat, OK,
make sure you were looking right?
You were in the light, your eyes were looking all hazel,
or blue, if you're white and, you know,
that's your thing, and then the person replies
with a blank screen and just text written across?
Like what the hell is this?
What the, are we texting, are we snapping?
What's going on, I need some clarification
on my social media use, why are you texting
me through pictures on Snapchat, OK?
Honestly, that's disrespectful,
because I showed you my face,
and you're responding with words.
It's the equivalent of like sending someone
a "K" via text, and why are you doing this?
We both have iMessage, if you can't snap properly,
don't snap, it's that simple.
Take for example horses, OK, they don't have fingers,
so you know what they do?
They don't snap.
Know your limitations.
So now I've got to carry on a conversation with you,
through snaps, with text, and now I've got
to like turn off my lights, or find like a,
a black wall or something and send you texts,
and I'm going to be able to fit like 2.5 words
on that -ish, this is, a task now, this is inconvenient now,
and when I send the snap, I'm not gonna get the woop,
you know that message that iMessage sends
when you, when you send a text, that wooop,
OK, this is not enjoyable, I can't see when you're typing,
this is against all of my texting expectations and standards.
Use the app for what it's intended for, OK:
pictures of sunsets and sexting,
what, who, huh, who?
I'm just saying yo, when someone takes
a screen shot of your snap,
why do you think the icon is of an explosion?
I'm just saying, I didn't make that decision.
Number five, the Encore Artist.
You ever receive a snap from someone, OK,
and you view it and you're like,
oh, this is so awesome and like funny,
and like, I'm kind of touched that you
took the time to send me this snap
because, can I be real, like,
you could have been snapping anyone
in the world right now, but you're here, with me.
So then you go ahead and start making
a friendship bracelet for your new bestie
until you check their story and they posted
the exact same snap to their story,
like, keska what, did this special moment
mean nothing to you, why you posting the
same thing you sent me to your story?
Because now when I watch your story,
it's like I know the story, I've seen the story,
I'm up in here watching the same movie twice.
And can I tell you something?
My finger feels dirty, for ever trusting you.
Why do you think I need to see your story twice?
How what, is your story Inception?
Where I can't understand it the first time,
I say calm your selfie, anyways,
that's all for this video, I hope you liked it.
If I missed any type of person on Snapchat
comment below and let me know
because truthfully, I don't all the types of people
and you probably know way, way better (burps)
way, way better than me, and don't forget tomorrow,
in like less than like 24 hours,
I will be performing at YouTube fan fest
here in Mumbai and I'll be making
my huge announcement live on stage.
I'm so excited about, but if you're not at
the event or don't live in India,
you can watch the live stream.
It is happening at 7:30 p.m. Indian Standard Time,
so, you can check that out in the description
to see what time that is where you are,
it'll be at youtube.com/fanfest,
like I said all the description is there,
make sure you check it out, it's a huge, huge announcement!
And of course, if you like this video,
give it a big thumbs up, check out my last video,
it's right there, if you're on a phone and you
can't get that (mumbles), the link will also be in the
description because I got you, aight?
Make sure you click subscribe
because I make new videos every Monday
and Thursday and I'm this weird every single time.
One love Superwoman, that is a wrap!
And zoop, can't wait 'til tomorrow though.