What is up you guys. Welcome to another Thursday with Spencer
here in FTMtranstastic, and today we are talking about why outing
myself is a necessary evil.
Or other people outing me, being outed is a necessary evil for me
Okay, so as all of you guys know, my name is Spencer
I go by they/them pronouns, which makes me a non-binary individual.
I use the term FTX. The issue that arises with being a non-binary
person in such a binary society is that unfortunately I don't get the privilege
of ever being able to walk down the street, and society look at me say,
"That person uses they/them pronouns."
One of the things that a lot of my binary trans friends have told me is, the most
reassuring thing they've ever experienced while medically transitioning,
is that one day when that one stranger gets it right. It doesn't happen to me.
And it probably never will, at least, we have a long way to go as an American society
So because I don't get that privilege, I have to come up with other ways to be
respected and the only real way to be respected is to out myself
And, you know, I have mixed feelings about that.
I'm very blessed in the sense that I don't experience dysphoria
when people use he/him pronouns for me, which is the main reason
of why I started to transition with testosterone, because if I had to choose
which we all have to do at some point. Since I have to choose, sometimes,
which would I prefer the most, and being seen as male versus female
makes me feel better, so I decided to transition with testosterone.
However, it doesn't....it's not the whole story for me. It doesn't make me feel
complete. It doesn't give me the euphoric feeling that they/them
pronouns give me. So it's now this constant balancing act, the
when is a good time to tell somebody or are we just friends, or work partners,
or, you know, employees, like what are we doing, when should you know?
blah. blah. blah. blah, and it's just stressful. A lot of my friends that are trans
that know me through transtastic, or FLAVNT Streetwear, or the trans support groups,
or wherever, call me Spencer and they/them pronouns.
All of my, you know, romantic partners do that. My close friends from high school
that I've come out to as trans do that, so a smal,l close, tight support group
calls me Spencer and they/them pronouns, as well as the people on the internet and everything else
because that is how I present. however, my work friends do not.
A lot of people are like, "That's so fucked up." You know, you like your work friends,
I don't know if we can curse on Transtastic, I'm sorry. That's so messed up.
You know you like your work friends, all this stuff, and I mean
My roommate works at the same vet hospital that I do. So, like,
A lot of people are like, "Why would you put yourself through that,"
and it's just kind of like...for me, working at the vet hospital
it took them eight months to just call me Spencer.
I wasn't going to try to battle the they/them pronoun thing.
I would have lost and I would been unhappy, so I just stuck with he/him
and that's just what happened. And even though my friends, who are like closer to me than just,
you know, working together and being okay, they know and they try
but it's hard for them, I guess, to switch from he/him to they/them and stuff
I honestly just give them a lot of slack
Maybe I shouldn't. It's fine for me, but they just don't use they/them pronouns for me.
As an EMT, no one knows that I'm trans, other than HR, and they only know
because I didn't change my gender marker when I got the job, so
all of them assume that I'm cis, straight, male and I kind of like it that way, you know?
I do that mostly for safety reasons. My current life partner is not the most liberal
individual in the bunch and he would definitely have problems with it,
and there's nothing worse than working as a person that, you know, people
depend on during their darkest hour with a partner that you can barely trust
So, I typically keep it to myself and it's been fine. I've been fine,
because when I need reassurance, I know I can always text Ohan, or Chase,
or Chris or... You know, people that I'm friends with and they will always, you know,
reassure me and reaffirm my gender and that's something that I think,
you know, is what's really important to me, the fact that when I need it the most
I do have a group of people that will see me as non-binary
and not think that it's weird and not think that doesn't exist
and not think that I'm doing, like, some stepping stone of going to male
pronouns or whatever the heck, and I'm able to just, like, sit with people
and just be reaffirmed and it doesn't really matter to me so much
that all the strangers don't get it, because I have the ones that matter
the most to me do. And with that being said, a lot of those
who matter the most to me, try to spare me the awkward talk of, you know, coming out.
So what they will do is say, "Yeah, you're meeting my friend Spencer.
By the way, they use they/them pronouns. They're trans.
And then it becomes this, am I mad at them for outing me without my permission,
or am I happy because they just tried to, you know, help me.
it's just a weird game that we have to play, that I have to play as a non-binary person,
of, you know, who am I going to be mad at, who am I going to come out to
who's going to call me they/them pronouns? It's all just absurd
and it would just be much easier if everyone just did not assume gender,
but unfortunately that's not the world that we live in, so I have to make
all these, like, extra steps to just exist and that kind of sucks,
but, you know, personally for me, I do well with it. Just because I don't
experience, dysphoria using he/him pronouns, and my friends out me,
I know they're doing it out of the kindness of their heart.
So I'm not going to sit here and be, you know, bummed about it and...
people try is what it comes down to for me. People try and I respect that
and I can appreciate that, and that's just kind of enough for me, to just be like,
you know. They're trying. They respect me as a human being, I know they do,
and I'm not gonna...I'm not going to ruin my day, because they didn't get
the pronouns right this time. But that's what I feel about being outed.
I'm pretty sure I rambled on, I'm sorry. I was trying to be, like, very precise
But I just kind of, like, have a lot of opinions and feelings and emotions about this,
because it's, like, I think it's a necessary evil, where I know a lot of trans people
think it's like the worst thing in the world. But anyways, as always,
leave your comments down below, please have a peaceful discussion.
I hope you guys are having a great week and are gearing up for an even better weekend.
It is Tue... Thursday.
It is Thursday. It is Spencer, until next time.