Braun Strowman nearly eats Apollo Crews.
The Miz tears his pants.
And I’m worried Neville actually beat up Mustafa Ali in real life.
I’m Oli Davis, and this is the 3rd July 2017 edition of Monday Night Raw...in about
4 minutes.
Enzo Amore & The ‘Casshole’ Enzo Amore opened the show with an impassioned
promo about how Cass shockingly betrayed him.
Twice.
Saying the 7 footer should now wear a shirt saying ‘Casshole’.
Hopefully that’ll prompt the crowd to chant ‘Caaaaasshole’ to help his new heel character
out of the gate.
Enzo is such a terrific talker, excelling at emotion just as much as comedy.
He got his first bit of offence in the feud, attacking Cass backstage ahead of their match
this Sunday.
Sasha Banks & Bayley beat Nia Jax & Alexa Bliss
WWE booked a babyface in the disadvantaged underdog role for a change!
After Nia Jax kneed Bayley in the face early on - poor Bayley - Sasha Banks found herself
in a handicap match.
The Boss overcame the odds, making Alexa Bliss tap ahead of their Great Balls of Fire championship
match.
Bliss later claimed tapping was to strategically lure Banks into a false sense of security.
Which is a neat summary of how WWE often book their go-home shows.
Cedric Alexander beat Noam Dar The Cedric Alexander, Noam Dar and Alicia
Fox feud is still happening.
Miz TV Talks Ball S*** This was a rather meta Miz TV segment, with
Miz first burying the Ball family for their trainwreck segment last week - undoubtedly
verbalising Vince McMahon’s personal outrage - and also by calling Dean Ambrose a failure
since the Shield, an oddly damaging piece of criticism that seemingly comes from a higher-up’s
backstage agenda.
Kurt Angle booked Ambrose vs Miz for the 27th time this Sunday, but I would’ve much preferred
a three-way involving Heath Slater.
Miz beat Heath Slater Instead we got Miz defending his title against
Slater right away, with the A-Lister still dressed in his Miz TV segment’s white suite
- which quickly split, exposing his Casshole.
The two had a surprisingly fun match, getting the crowd into Heath’s babyface story at
the end.
A Miztourage distraction cost him a win, though, and the goons beat down Heath, Rhyno and Ambrose
heading into the pay-per-view.
The Shattered Truth Premiere Goldust premiered his new movie, The Shattered
Truth, a short film about one of the weakest injury spots in recent history.
Unsurprisingly, considering how rubbish the ring post angle looked last week, R-Truth
appeared fine behind him, and the two scuffled to a disinterested crowd.
Seth Rollins beat Curt Hawkins Seth Rollins squashed Curt Hawkins in five
seconds, still trying to get his Kingslayer finisher over.
You know what else he’s trying to get over?
His very lacklustre feud with Bray Wyatt.
Brock Lesnar/Samoa Joe Interview Samoa Joe and Brock Lesnar did the strangest
thing in their go-home angle - a promo segment where both men interrupted and spoke over
each other; you know, as if they were having an actual heated argument or something.
Not the usual WWE promo of I talk for several minutes, now you talk for several minutes.
This felt real, and it got even better when Joe went on a rampage trying to find Brock
backstage, almost adopting a fighting babyface stance, while Lesnar played the cocky heel
- an interesting contrast to how both men have been positioned in the build so far.
Neville beat Mustafa Ali Speaking of real, Neville and Mustafa Ali
had a very good cruiserweight match, built around Ali spiking Neville into the matt with
a DDT.
The King of the Cruiserweights suddenly got even more aggressive than usual, eventually
making Ali tap in the Rings of Saturn.
This was bloody excellent.
Finn Balor beat Cesaro After their confrontation in last week’s
six-man tag, Kurt put Finn Balor against Cesaro.
And guess what?
They had a cracking match.
The closing moments were really hot, too, where Elias Samson, Sheamus, and Matt & Jeff
Hardy all got involved.
Braun Strowman beats Apollo Crews Braun Strowman wants competition before Great
Balls of Fire, and his first match since going out with injury.
But nobody wants to face him.
Enter up-and-coming sports entertainment management sensation Titus Worldwide.
O’Neil’s main piece of advice to Apollo before the match was ‘Crews don’t lose’
- a tremendous strategy which unfortunately didn’t hold up.
Braun destroyed Crews, kicking him across the ring mid-way through an Apollo moonsault,
giving him three consecutive slams, and at one point, licking his head.
Presumably afraid Strowman was about to eat Apollo, Titus stepped in, but got a slam for
his efforts.
But when Braun went to put Apollo in the ambulance, Roman Reigns - thought to be off the show
with injury - was laying in wait.
Reigns speared Strowman off the stage through a table to close the show.
So that was this week’s Raw in about four minutes.
Here’s the usual ratings recap, from top to bottom - In Awe, Cor, AVRAWGE, Poor and
Bore.
I’ll reveal my rating very shortly, but first, vote in the poll above my head to give
yours.
I’ll announce the results in tomorrow’s WrestleTalk News.
This was one of the best go-home shows WWE have put on in months, with all the feuds
progressing and a few tantalising cliffhangers.
They made me want to watch Great Balls of Fire this Sunday, which is what a go-home
show should do.
The only exception is Seth Rollins vs Bray Wyatt, which I really don’t have any interest
in.
This week’s Raw is Cor.
There’s a rumour going around that a Smackdown tag team have requested their release!
And there’s been a huge title change over at TNA!
Click the videos to the left to learn they’re not even called TNA anymore, press subscribe
and support WrestleTalk on Patreon.
I’ve been Oli Davis and that was wrestling.