Transcriber: Take A Mile Reviewer: Armando Vázquez
Two years ago, I studied Latin
and realized that I've been diagnosed with cancer.
At least that it felt like I had to study Latin
to understand what the doctor who just examined me was saying.
He says, "You have testis cancer."
I say, "I have to test what, to get what?" (Laughter)
"No no no, no you have testis cancer."
Testicular cancer, testis is in Latin, means testicular.
I don't know if it were because of my obvious Latin look.
(Laughter)
He felt the need to tell me in Latin what the problem was.
And — actually as a comedian for the last 16 years,
I found it quite ironic that he told me I might die in a language that's dead.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
But this little Latin session actually became quite symbolic to me,
when I experienced the following one and a half years,
as I realized how hard it is for people
to talk to people who have a serious illness,
and not just for you and me but also for doctors.
And it really became clear to me when the cancer spread to my lung
that even my wife and mother became awkward
about the communication with me.
My wife withdrew and held back
and she didn't want to ask me too many questions of how I felt,
and she was afraid to put too much stress on me,
and my mom, she was a seriously concerned mom,
no one wants to see her child sick.
So she was too uncomfortable about calling me,
and —
so we decided that I should just call her when I had the energy to do it.
But if there's someone
you really want to be in charge with when you're sick
is your mom and you wife.
You want a thousand questions a day,
and you want a thousand missed calls from your mother a day.
And I heard from a lot of my friends they say,
we're afraid we're going to cry or you're going to cry,
we weren't certain that what we say will be profound enough."
And my advice to anyone who knows anyone who's seriously ill,
there's nothing you can say or do that's wrong,
the only wrong you can do it's doing nothing at all.
And just a small "I'm thinking of you" is enough,
it doesn't have to be long [unclear].
And — my mom doesn't have a mobile or a computer,
so she couldn't text me or send an email,
but you know we all have - except for my mom,
(Laughter) this little device here,
and if you know someone who's ill
you know, this is accessible 24/7.
Send them a text, an email, a facebook, a twitter
and let them know that you are thinking of them and their loved ones.
And you know I remember when I was -
it wasn't always I got hundreds of messages from friends and family
and it wasn't always I had the strength to read them,
but on good days you know when I turn on my phone,
hearing these messages coming in and seeing them
you know it really kept me going and made my day.
And especially the ones that made me laugh.
There was few moments where I laughed I forgot that I was ill.
I'll give you an example: I had long hair
I had to go through chemotherapy and lost my hair,
I had long hair for 20 years, it was my brand, it was my image,
and I got a text from a stand-up comedian one of my colleagues
with a picture of him wearing a long hear wig,
(Laughter)
saying, "Don't worry my friend I'll do your gigs for you,"
(Laughter)
"And of course keep the money." (Laughter)
I worked at a radio station at the moment and my boss came round
with 6 chocolate balls.
I had my testicles removed and — (Laughter)
he thought I need a replacement (Laughter)
and they're all different sizes as he didn't know my exact size.
(Laughter)
When I was declared cancer-free
which is 1 year and 8 days ago,
I posted on... (Applause)
Thank you. (Applause)
(Applause)
And I posted it on my Facebook enthusiastically,
"Yeah I beat cancer, it's so great,"
and I got 4000 likes, 4000 people like my update!
And I showed it to my nurse, "Look, 4000 people like my update,"
She just looked and said, "Well, you have 50,000 fans!"
(Laughter)
So does that mean that 46,000 was like 'Oh, fuck'?. (Laughter)
And I texted all my friends and family
150 to be exact,
and I said, "Yeah I'm back, I'm alive, I beat cancer."
and 149 wrote back,
"That's amazing, that's amazing we love you, we love life."
Except for one guy, my friend Uve, from my university,
he wrote, "Oh dear Geo, this is so great, good news.
I myself have been ill lately, I've had a little bit of fever.
(Laughter)
And I've also been dizzy, but I'm all right now!
(Laughter)
And I just booked tickets to Mexico, It's going to be great."
I had to go back, I wrote to Uve,
and he was, "Yeah I've been struggling,
fighting against cancer for the last 1 and half years,
I beat it, I might be mentally, physically and financially broke,
but who cares I'm alive!"
"I've been a little bit dizzy." (Laughter)
But it just shows, I mean, these four examples
show how extreme it can be
and still, you know they all meant well,
Uve meant well, his text might have been a bit off (Laughter)
but it certainly made me glad
and it made me laugh for sure. (Laughter)
But my point is Uve did something
and I see - now I've my phone out
and I see you have your phones out,
and I'm done here in a few seconds and -
when I'm done I want you to
text or call a person who needs to hear from you.
And remember, you can't do or say anything wrong
the only wrong you could do is not doing anything.
Thank you very much.
(Applause)
(Cheers)