ladies and gentlemen earlier this week we began a brand new segment on this program
and I don't uh I don't think you understand how exhilarating it is for us we've been on
the air a long time and when we come up with something that's as successful and exciting
for us here in the studio as well as you home viewers that there is nothing to compare with
that sense of exhilaration am I right Paul it's a rush we used to say so tonight installment number
three of something we like to call Anton figs expiration date guest there's Anton all right
is the blindfold in place yes it is all right the blindfold is in place
may we have tonight's perishable item please there's the perishable item lady
Anton I can only tell you that the perishable item
that you'll be guessing about tonight is strawberry yogurt
there you go Anton fig expiration date guests sampling the strawberry yogurt
I'm going to say uh September hahaha 10th September 10th may we see the actual date
of expiration on the strawberry yogurt and that date is 9 10 90 September 10th
foreign
you know Paul the toughest part about that he has to give himself his own drum roll there in
the middle of it I know well dexterous and I guess it's a proper information for me I think
the the perishable item lady looks familiar did you recognize her from somewhere no I've
never seen her maybe dinner last night I've never seen her before the presentation of tonight's oh
did I tell you tonight's viewer mail line now this is this is serious this is actual viewer
mail and we answer them from actual viewers and here we go uh the presentation of being assisted
by the Puma 206 axis robotic arm here it is take it away boys we have a new one they came in and
replaced it the boys are at Westinghouse said here try a new one oh hi nice to see
okay all right easy all right we don't that's sort of serpent
like that behavior right there we're not completely all right you're gonna hey hey
so on some kind of diuretic okay here we go letter number one yeah I kind of rang a bell the old
perishable item lady thank you thank you thank you thank you very much uh Dear Dave I noticed
uh when Paul and the world's most dangerous band play a song Paul shakes his head vigorously back
and forth as if he is conducting the band that he does this so rapidly that I am not surprised
that I am surprised brother that he will get Whiplash or his head uh I am not surprised
that he will get whiplash or his head would fly off his body and kill somebody in the audience
uh concerned Mike Payne Seymour Wisconsin uh don't worry Mike Paul's head shaking of
course is simply an expression of the joy the music brings him and now you too can experience
that Joy by picking up one of these a lovely delightful Paul Schaefer dashboard buddies at
your local True Value Hardware Store great detail fun for license drivers of all ages
letter number two
wow look at that wow thank you Bernice uh Dear Dave how could you send your mom to a violent
film like RoboCop 2. remember that Paul when the mom was reviewing the big summer Blockbusters for
us yes and I asked her to go see RoboCop too and then yes you did and review it yes uh the
letter continues here it says a real son would send his mother to a movie like Milo and Otis
uh sincerely Greg hurricane Bendel South Holland Illinois uh excellent idea Greg hurricane Bendel
ah and uh when we got your letter one of our stage hands Almar there's Al right there
offered to arrange a private screening of Milo and Otis for my mother uh Hal roll the uh clip
that we have of that movie I think it's a sweet little story about a dog and a kitty Milo and
Otis here we go let's see uh and then we'll talk about it when it's Milo and Otis
oh Milo I think I pulled a muscle wow let me massage it for you Otis
wow
I I thought that was supposed to be a film about a little kitty and a dog you sent my mother to that
Milo and Otis yeah I thought you said Milo does Otis
hello Milo nice to see you
yes sir the folks must be awfully proud tonight
ah I'm just grateful the perishable item lady wasn't here to see that letter number
number three here we go
all right hey just no I'm not kidding around hand me the damn
letter come on give me the hey I'll get the socket wrench out thank you very much
uh Dear Dave you've been around for eight years now what is the point of your show
and this comes to us from Peter it's genius Montreal Quebec Canada uh Peter the point of
this program is that even an amateur cook can put together a tasty nutritious meal in minutes
and for just pennies a serving for example this lovely tuna casserole right here look at that
it only costs about 40 cents a person and it took me less than an hour to prepare wow
hold it hold it a second I uh Dave I didn't know this was supposed to be a cooking show
all these years yeah it is but frankly we haven't been all that strict about it
now I understand so it has been it okay do what okay number four here we go
all right thank you thank you very much uh Dear Dave Dear Dave the audience on your
show always seems so nice and normal do you do you ever have any weirdos or characters up
there in the audience uh sincerely Rita stacko sala's very Maryland uh weirdos or characters
no no uh not really Rita and in fact most of our audience is quite normal and very nice
what what is this what the hell is going on up here please
look look you people you people are in the wrong audience please do me a favor don't come
back you're making fools of yourselves you're disrupting everything now just get out of here
we don't want your kind here all right all right Mr Letterman we'll go but before we do there's
something I'd like to say perhaps because my friend Louis and I are dressed in foolish costumes
you think you can treat us with contempt I pray that someday no one will ever be judged solely
by their race their Creeds or their colorful outfit by the way do you have any passions to
that Milo unotis thing do we ever you bet we do well thank you God bless you all okay good goodbye
hurry
okay we have a pretty good show don't we oh hey yeah Frank Gifford will be here and
oh the Grand Prix of dog agility we have the winner of that International competition Linda
Berry and of course over there uh the Tower of Power horns come on back if you can kid