Hi, I am sex and relationship coach Caitlin V
and today we're gonna talk about
delayed ejaculation.
See what I did there, coz it's like a delay.
Have you ever not been able
to reach orgasm when you wanted to?
Have you ever had the experience
of not being able to ejaculate on command?
When you are ready to
even after an intense amount of sexual stimulation?
Then you my friend
have experienced delayed ejaculation.
All that means, all that delayed ejaculations is,
is a condition in which a man cannot
reach orgasm and cannot ejaculate
when he wants to
within a reasonable amount of time
and with a reasonable amount of sexual stimulation.
You've been watching my channel before first of all,
thanks, second, this will not be news to you.
But if you're new here guess what,
I don't really believe in playing exactly by the book
and I don't believe that the medical
definition of a lot of terms
really does a good job of describing what that term mean.
I don't care if they say 5, 10, 20, 35, 45 minutes is "delayed."
Delayed is when you are ready to reach orgasm
your partner is ready for you to reach orgasm
and you're not able to get there.
That's a delay.
That qualifies as delayed ejaculation in my book
and I'm gonna tell you why it happens
and how to fix it.
For those of you who are already subscribed to my channel,
you know that mostly I talk about premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation is very common.
It affects as many as one in three men in their lifetime.
It affects probably all men at least once in their lifetime,
but there is a small but important contingent of men
about one to four percent of the population
who experience delayed ejaculation,
and just like premature ejaculation,
delayed ejaculation causes all kinds of frustration.
It causes heartache, it causes heartbreak,
it causes broken up relationships,
it causes a ton of confusion and anger,
and difficulty for the people whom it affects. ...
The reason we need to talk about delayed ejaculation
is not just because it affects a lot of men,
but because it's really poorly misunderstood.
We have a lot of ideas in our culture
about what men should be,
the kind of sex that men should have.
That they should always want sex,
and they should always be able to cum and ejaculate,
exactly when they want to not a minute sooner.
Men you know you have bodies
and bodies are unpredictable
bodies have changes they fluctuate from day to day.
This is true for women's bodies this is also true of men's bodies.
It's important that we talk about this.
The other reason that we really need to talk about this
is that women make female partners
of men who have delayed ejaculation
often totally misunderstand what's going on.
They assume that their men is not turned on by them,
is not aroused by them,
they are not doing it right,
they're not touching, squeezing,
licking, sucking him right,
and that's not the case.
At least that's not the case for all men all the time.
It might be the case sometimes for some men,
but for men who experience delayed ejaculation
on an ongoing basis,
usually has nothing to do with their female partner.
It is not her fault.
It is not a lack of his attraction to her,
it's not a lack of her skills,
it's not them not understanding each other,
or having a great sexual bond.
Really it more often than not has to do with just him
and his physiology and his psychology
and that's exactly what we're going to get into,
and that's exactly what we're gonna talk about.
So, if you are a man who experiences this,
please heed this advice
and if you are the female partner
of a man who experiences this,
please know it's not your fault,
and send him this video
so that the two of you can actually work together
to help him cure his delayed ejaculation,
or at least manage it.
So that it doesn’t become an issue or point of frustration
or even the cause of a break up
in your life and in your relationship.
What causes delayed ejaculation?
Well, there are a number of causes
number one, age.
It is a natural condition of the body
to become less sensitized
and less able to reach ejaculation over time.
So, if you are a man who is aging,
and I don't mean someone who is like,
oh my God I'm 38 I can't believe I'm...
Not that kind of aging I mean really aging, right.
In your 50's, 60's, 70's, even 80's
it's not unusual for you to be
experiencing delayed ejaculation
and I'll get into exactly
what you can do about it in just a minute.
Because there is hope for you,
you can do things to help
cure your delayed ejaculation,
and they work for older men
as well as younger men.
DE can also be caused by a medical condition.
This could be inflammation,
this could be a hormone imbalance,
this could be a whole bunch of things
that you can go and speak to your doctor about.
So, if you are experiencing delayed ejaculation,
go see a urologist, go see a medical doctor.
Ask them... tell them about your condition,
tell them about the symptoms that you are experiencing
and ask them to do a full and complete check-up
of your entire pelvis and your genital region
just in case and in order to rule out any medical causes.
Another very common reason
are prescription drug side effects.
So, if you recently been prescribed a prescription drug,
go to your doctor, ask her or him
if they can prescribe you a different combination of drugs.
Ask them if they can
change the prescription that you are on,
ask them if there's something that can be done
or your condition can be managed
in a different or maybe holistic way
So that you won't experience delayed ejaculation,
but you'll know if you recently went on a prescription drug
and that's the cause,
then you know that you can actually do
something about it which is great,
but what about the number one
cause of delayed ejaculation?
At least in the clients who I see
the people who come to me for coaching,
the number one cause of delayed ejaculation is
improper or poor masturbation techniques,
and that includes improper or extreme use
or over reliance on pornography,
So, a lot of men learn how to masturbate
without anyone ever teaching them, right.
Like you just figure it out,
it feels good when you do this
and sometimes this is
rubbing yourself against the mattress
or between the box spring in the mattress
or into a pillow, or something that's dry
and rough and harsh,
and you condition your body,
you get used to reaching orgasm through that way.
Through this way that's very difficult for a partner
to actually recreate during sex.
If you're used to humping a pillow,
and then you try to hump a woman's body,
they're very different.
They have some things in common probably,
but a lot of things different
like one is dry and one is wet,
one's rough and one's smooth,
one might be a little harder and
one might be a little softer, okay.
So, when you get with a partner,
if you've been masturbating in one way
and partner sex feels a very different way,
you're not going to be able to reach orgasm.
The good news about that is that it is
totally fixable no matter
how long you've been masturbating in that way.
You can recondition your body,
but what about porn.
For a lot of men,
especially men who are in their like early 30's late 20's today,
they grew up with internet porn,
they grew up with an extreme amount of
pornography at their fingertip.
Bukkake scenes, tentacle porn, you name it.
Wilma and Fred Flintstones like whatever it was, right.
A lot of men grew up watching and having unfettered access
to all kinds of pornography and what did this do?
Well, it conditioned your brain to need
a lot of sexual stimulus
in order to reach orgasm,
and for a lot of men, that feedback loop,
that cycle that they've gotten their brain into
means that without extreme porn
or without like a whole harem.
If you're not familiar with how your brain works on porn,
watch my video on using your lizard brain to overcome PE
because the same things apply here.
You actually become completely addicted
to the high sensations
to the extreme amount of sensation that porn provides.
To the extreme amount of visual sensation
of arousal, that porn provides
and then when you're with a partner and she's just one person
and she's not into tentacle fantasies
then you're out of luck.
It's gonna be really hard for you to reach orgasm
because you are used to reaching orgasm after
being exposed to a pretty extreme amount of stimulus.
But fear not,
the great, the most exciting part of all this is
that no matter which of these four reasons
or which of these four causes
of delayed ejaculation caused yours,
all of them can be managed, cured,
fixed, overcome, with some pretty simple techniques
and a little bit of patience
and probably a little bit of elbow grease.
So, if you have delayed ejaculation what can you do?
Number one go to a doctor.
Make sure that you rule out any kind of medical causes.
Including any prescription, drugs
talk with your doctor,
tell them what you're taking, tell them what you're experiencing
and ask them to do a check-up.
Ask them if there are any potential reasons,
any potential things going on
that are causing your delayed ejaculation
and see if there's anything that they can do
to help you to manage it.
After you've ruled that out
or concurrently you can try the following things
Number one, increase stimulation.
So, this is especially if your delayed ejaculation
is caused because of age.
You're going to need more stimulation in order to get off.
It's just the nature of your nerve endings.
They are not as sensitive as they used to be,
and so, you can use a vibrator, that's right boys.
They're not just for women you can use them too.
You can use that vibrator on the tip of your penis,
on the shaft of your penis,
you can use it on your perineum.
Also affectionately known as the taint,
you can use a vibrator
or have your partner put his or her hands
there in order to increase the amount of stimulation
that you're receiving.
You also can do some really extra juicy
fun prostate stimulating.
I know that for a lot of men out there
you're gonna write in the comments like
Ooh, she just recommended that I put things in my butt.
That's right, I did I recommended
that you put things in your butt, you know why,
because you have a whole butt
with tons of nerve endings
and you've got a prostate something that I don't have
I can't even experience it, okay.
You got all these really awesome
pleasure centers in your back door
and then up around the corner,
only like three inches inside,
it's like about the length of a finger
or there's a really great prostate
stimulating toys out there
and if you're having trouble
reaching orgasm when you want to
adding some extra stimulation
can feel...! It can feel really good
even if you don't have delayed ejaculation.
You could play with your prostate, it's awesome.
You have this whole tool of pleasure available to you
and you're not using it.
Use it, milk it, love it, enjoy it, appreciate it, go slow,
go gentle. I did a whole podcast episode on butt stuff recently
explaining exactly how you
can start to explore your backdoor
I will link to that in the show notes,
I will link to that in the notes of this video.
Play with your prostate, use a vibrator.
Turn up the stimulation excite your nerve endings.
That's number one, number two
is change how you masturbate.
Okay, you saw this one coming.
If you've been masturbating using a death grip
without using any lube, using a couch cushion.
You just got to change the way you masturbate
change it to feel like a woman feels.
Change it to feel like how a body feels.
Use something that's warm and wet and smooth.
Buy a fleshlight, buy one of those
toys that like looks like a body
that you just put down in the bed
and you can hump away at it.
Use one of those.
Use a microwaved banana peel, not too hot.
Do whatever you need to do in order to recreate
the feeling of being with a person.
So that when you are having sex with a person,
your body is used to
reaching orgasm in that way.
This might take a while, okay.
You've been masturbating one way
probably for at least a decade
Maybe longer, maybe two, maybe three, maybe
four decades, okay.
It's gonna take your brain a little bit of time
in order to retrain itself to reach orgasm in a different way.
Here's the crazy part.
The best part,
your body was made to reach orgasm.
You literally evolved
by the very fact
that your ancestors ejaculated.
That's the only way that you got here
and you have thousands of years of
successful male ejaculation behind you, okay. We all do.
Your body will figure it out,
your body wants nothing more than to reach orgasm.
That's how it figured out how to do it with the couch cushions
or the... one of the thing to begin with, right.
So, if you give it enough time,
your body will actually be able
to rewire all of its circuits
in order to reach orgasm.
The same is true for women who use vibrators,
the same is true for anyone who has any particular thing
that they need in order to get off
over time with a lot of patience and a lot of love
okay, you can't just do this while you hate yourself
you have to love yourself through this whole process.
That's a different video,
we'll get into that if you need more of that.
Fill out my coaching application form
because there's way outside of what we can just do on YouTube.
But if you can love yourself,
if you can see that you are worthy of
the patience, the time, and the work that
it takes in order for you to get there,
you will get there.
I promise you that.
Your body was designed to do this.
Or number three, don't masturbate at all.
Only have partnered sex,
only have sex with your partner.
Save all of that arousal and the buildup
and the tension for the release
that you will have with your partner.
If you are a man and you're masturbating on one night
and then you're expecting not to have delayed ejaculation
later that night or on the next day but it keeps happening.
Quit masturbating
and see if that doesn't make a difference
when you're with your partner.
If you're able to reach orgasm more quickly
because you had more time
to build up between ejaculations.
and finally, I feel if you knew me you'd see this
one coming out. Quit watching porn, okay.
I personally do not have anything against porn
I think it's great
especially for men who are into things like tentacle rape.
Who want to... by the way I'm kind of noticing
about myself recently that I'm into tentacles.
I think that there is something kinda sexy about tentacles.
I don't know where this came from.
I didn't really know this about myself until very recently,
but if you're into tentacles that's great.
Porn's probably the best way for you to get off
on the idea of tentacle, okay.
Only because I don't know and please don't tell me
how to make this happen in real life.
It's no judgment.
If you're into tentacles that's great, okay.
I don't know how you can experience that in real life.
So, if you watch porn that includes tentacles
and that's the way that you get off, that's awesome,
but that's sad. If you're experiencing delayed ejaculation,
you need to start retraining your brain on partnered sex,
and partnered sex does not look
like being just able to hit next
and have a different woman in front of you
doing different stuff
over and over and over again.
Hour after hour, that's not how the world work.
If you're having sex with one woman,
she's got a limited list of things
that she's willing to do with you
and that's what you're here to work with,
that's all you've got to work with.
So, you can't spend Monday night
watching an entire harem of
blondes, brunettes, redheads,
Asian women, black women, Native American women, you name it.
Doing all kinds of kinky stuff and then Tuesday
you're with your partner
and she's only willing to have missionary
and you expect that your brain is gonna act
in the exact same way your body is gonna act
you're gonna ejaculate in the exact same way.
It's not the same circumstances.
You can't expect that your body is gonna be able to do the same thing.
It just doesn't work that way.
So quit watching porn.
When you masturbate,
visualize yourself with your partner,
and see if that doesn't solve the issue for you.
I lost an earring,
I got really excited about that last point.
... it was the tentacle
porn, I don't know.
What about it,
are you into it?
Of course, you think everyone is into tentacles porn.
Now, you learned a little bit more about me.
Okay, so, in summary, if you have delayed ejaculation,
you're experiencing that or your partner is
do not fret.
There're many common causes and there are
many ways that you can go about
restoring your ejaculation,
your power to ejaculate when the time is right.
With a little bit of patience and a lot of tenderness,
and if you need some help in the process,
feel free to follow the
links below to apply
for on one coaching with me.
Where if you are experiencing this, I can help
guide you through the steps that are required
for you to never have a problem with either premature
or delayed ejaculation ever again.
Thank you so much for watching,
thank you for subscribing,
and I will see you here soon.