- [Man 1 On Team Purist] This is a Canadian dude
who took his idea from Chinese inspired food.
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] We can all agree!
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Don't talk to me about
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] You know what else is great?
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] This is how we get out of here,
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] Pineapples and fried rice!
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] You look like an angry dad
who's been watching Fox News for too long.
- Haven't we all?
- [Host] Welcome to Debatable, the show where
we subject ourselves to stupid, trivial arguments
so you don't have to.
Now look, I'm not a religious man, but pizza,
that's a little slice of heaven on earth, isn't it?
A hot, perfect symphony of flavors and textures,
delicately dancing across your tongue and down your gullet.
Oh, but there's a pizza storm brewing, folks,
and based on your gut reaction to the following phrase,
you'll know your stance on the issue.
Hawaiian Pizza.
Now some would argue that it's a culinary evolution.
Others, that it's a brazen affront
to an already perfect dish.
Are we gonna reach a resolution here?
Nope.
Let's have at it, though.
Hawaiian Pizza: it's Debatable.
(dramatic theme music)
- [Women] Pro-pineapple.
- [Men] Yuck.
(intense music)
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] Let me tell ya,
pineapple, Patrick.
Those pineapples belong on this pizza.
- [Woman 2 On Team Pineapple] We don't need
to live in this box of pepperoni and only sausage.
- [Man 2 On Team Purist] Yeah, I'm all for like,
getting variance in your life experiences.
I just want, you know, to filter out the shitty ones.
- [Woman 3 On Team Pineapple] One or two things
you would say like, huh, that doesn't really go together.
Maybe a man on the moon?
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] You know what else
didn't belong together at one point?
Oreos and peanut butter.
Chuck and Blair.
- [Man 2 On Team Purist] Ah yes, the dynamic duo
of tomato and pineapple.
Everyone knows they go together like this.
- [Woman 3 On Team Pineapple] It's science. It's savory.
- [Man 3 On Team Purist] No, it's not science.
- [Woman 3 On Team Pineapple] It's sweet.
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] But you know the thing about
peanut butter and Oreos are?
You don't get it drooling down your chin every time
you take a flipping bite of it.
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] How are you eating your pizza?
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Like this.
- [Woman 3 On Team Pineapple] Maybe your palate is a little
less developed than mine.
- [Man 3 On Team Purist] Would you put Nutella on sushi?
- [Man 2 On Team Purist] Why not apples?
Why wouldn't you put, you put peaches on pizza?
How crazy are you, actually?
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] Pineapple is
the greatest fruit that there is.
It's tough on the outside but when you crack that baby open,
it's nice and sweet on the inside.
Just like me.
- How do you get cracked open?
- It only takes about three Bud Lights.
- [Man 3 On Team Purist] The only fruit that goes on
is tomatoes and tomato sauce.
- Well, I'm hearing stuff from a little boy
that never dreamed.
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] Do you not like olives
on your pizza?
- Personally, no. Less is more, gang.
Less is more.
- Boring. Vanilla. Plain. Stock photo.
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Go ahead, fly to Italy.
You tell an Italian their pizza's boring,
with just a fucking piece of basil on there.
Maybe a little mootz.
- If I handed you a delicious spear of pineapple.
- Yeah.
- And you like were about to dig in, and I go,
"Wait a second, I know what you need, some cheese."
What are you a monster?
That's so gross.
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Oh boy, the bread's dripping too.
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] You realize it's
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Wring that out, yay.
Pizza's fun again.
- Where would we be if we didn't try this?
- [Man 2 On Team Purist] Well, you should try
a bunch of things, but that doesn't mean every iteration
you come up with, you go, "That's the one!"
- [Man 3 On Team Purist] This is what happens when
you have bullshit pizzerias.
- Accessible pizza is a problem?
- [Man 3 On Team Purist] Oh please, give me a break.
- [Woman 3 On Team Pineapple] Affordable pizza for all?
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] Pineapple! Pizza!
On each other! Fucking, making love!
- Two different things.
Two different textures, two different everything.
(loud burp)
(dramatic music)
- I would love to like pineapple on pizza.
The only problem is when I put it in my mouth, I get sad.
- You know what happens when you call up
a real New York pizza place?
Hello, this is Rudy's. How you doin'?
What would you like on your pizza?
Pineapple.
Hahaha, go fuck yourself.
- I have supported more pizza restaurants in my entire life
than you ever have.
- I used to work at a pizza place!
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Oh, oh.
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] Joe's Pizza in Tampa, Florida.
Yup.
- Nothing says authentic pizza like Tampa, Florida,
am I right?
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] It was New York style,
motherfucker.
- I know a lot of people are like are big on like pizza
as this sacred thing that you shouldn't do anything to.
I actually just think you should put good things on pizza,
as opposed to bad ones.
- You're too into tradition.
- Talk to me about some mac n' cheese pizza.
Let's talk for hours.
That is fantastic pizza.
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] Ugh. No. Too much cheese.
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Oh! Oh! Oh!
- [Man 3 On Team Purist] Chicago and New Yorkers,
we disagree on pizza on many levels.
But I know on one thing we can agree on,
that pineapple does not go on or in pizza.
- [Woman 3 On Team Pineapple] Because New Yorkers
are stubborn.
I'm from Boston and you can't reason with New Yorkers.
- [Man 2 On Team Purist] That's really where like it comes
to like a cross for me.
It's just does this taste bad?
It does.
I circled yes and I throw it away.
I throw it in the trash 'cause it's garbage.
- [Woman 2 On Team Pineapple] In the trash?
- Yeah, yeah.
It's for raccoons.
- [Man 3 On Team Purist] You know who invented
the pineapple pizza?
A Canadian.
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Sam Papalapoulos
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] Whoa! Racist!
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Claimed that he created the first
Hawaiian pizza in Chatham, Ontario.
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] Gracious.
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Now what island of Hawaii was,
is Ontario, Canada on?
- [Man 2 On Team Purist] I think they were capitalizing
on pineapple on the Hawaiian theme
to make this horrible lie.
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] I trust Canadians more
than I trust the Italians when it comes to pizza,
and I stand by that, goddammit.
- You guys hear this?
We hear this?
- Canada is great and they're lovely people.
- [Man 3 On Team Purist] Not when it comes to pizza.
- You're being sold lies here, you're eating a lie.
- [Woman 2 On Team Purist] You're literally wearing
a Hawaiian shirt.
- Yeah, 'cause I dig Hawaii, baby.
- That Florida sun baked your brain to mush.
Let's have the Canadian make a pizza, this is fun!
(serious music)
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] In conclusion,
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Tampa.
Let's hear what Tampa has to say.
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] That sounds a little bit
too much like a puritan over here, trying to keep his
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] Puritan! Yikes.
- [Man 3 On Team Purist] Putting pineapple on pizza
as my Jewish folk would say is a shanda.
- [Woman 2 On Team Pineapple] This is a little bit different
just like people and I feel like we need to accept it.
- You want whatever you want on a pizza, cool.
Fine, man.
Eat that pie.
Play that twisted metal 'til four in the morning.
Pineapple pizza, it's all built on lies.
- When we look back at the chapters of the history books,
Zack will be on the wrong side of history.
- They've already been written.
I'm already on the right side.
- I've had enough food in my lifetime to know
which two things could tango.
These two things, they ain't dancin'.
(triumphant music)
- [Woman 3 On Team Pineapple] Look how big that bite was.
You just watched a mind be changed.
(thud of pineapple hitting box)
Ugh, look at that, look at it.
- [Man 3 On Team Purist] Even the pizza doesn't want it.
It's like get off me.
(serious music)
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] You never had Oreos
and peanut butter?
Have you seen The Parent Trap?
- [Man 1 On Team Purist] What scene?
- [Woman 1 On Team Pineapple] When they're in the cabin
together, they're like you like peanut butters and Oreos?!
- [Tall Man] Hey Ryan, I like your shirt.
- Thanks, I like yours too.
- Thanks.
- Buy it here.
(wind)
(swishing)
(squeaking)